Avid PC gamer, Linux convert, SCP fan.

Love Science Fiction, Cyberpunk, post-apocalyptic settings; Fan of the games of the defunct Arkane Studios. Listening to (Power-, Speed-, Thrash-)Metal, Gothic, Deathrock, EBM, Vaporwave, Lo-Fi; Classic and Musicals are fine too. Can’t stand Hip-Hop.

Owned by two cats, recently divorced, blessed with a personality disorder (AVPD) - pensioned (even the state has the opinion I’m a total wreck lol). This causes me to be unable to keep up personal connections and makes me ghost literally everyone, so if it happens to you, sorry in advance.

Chronically online.

Pro GenAI, but Anti-GenAI-Corpos; this technology should be available to everyone, which would only be fair since we all contributed to it. Datasets and Models should be under the jurisdiction of UNESCO, since they are literally the distilled cultural output of humanity.

  • 3 Posts
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Joined 6 months ago
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Cake day: September 5th, 2025

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  • All my relationships ended while the next started - i am an honest guy and if i develop feelings for another person while in a relationship i do inform my partner before doing anything else.

    The first one i practically fled - She was quite abusive and i moved out as fast as i could.

    The second relationship was dead and it was obvious for both of us - high emotions were only in the moment i told her that i’m out, i was hit by a open red bull can, but afterwards it was calm.

    The last one i was left by her - the relationship was dead too, but i still feel for her, and if had any chance of winning her back i would take it. alas, there is none.







  • I don’t know if i can actually connect with people who have the same issues I have, although i know me and the other person would have to be locked in the same room so we can keep in touch - two people who don’t call each other might get along, but it’s not really a relationship isn’t it lol

    I also have two younger siblings, but our mother slowly got her act together over the years, so i took the brunt of the instability at home - i might have acted as a stabilizing factor for my siblings too, at least i hope i did. I know they both do a lot better than I do.

    The culty stuff reads awful; weirdly enough i stumbled across this piece where lots of US troops got told by their superiors the war against Iran is so that Jesus can return (and they have the sick idea Trump is anointed) - this sounds very much like the same thing, or at least very adjacent.

    I have the luck to live in central Europe, with a useful social safety net - i was declared unfit for work after i had a nervous breakdown because i couldn’t withstand the stress of regular work. it’s actually the way i get a little apartment for me if all works out… 36m² isn’t large, but enough for me and my 2 cats, and i can afford it with my little pension. I just wanted to write that i do not know what would have happened if i lived in the US, but that’s not true: reality is that i would be a crazy homeless person or dead.

    It’s good to read you have such a stable relationship and hope you are happy in it. Wish you all the best!


  • Therapy is very frustrating, i agree with you. Progress is soooo slow, and there seems to be this barrier i simply cannot break through. But at least it helped with some of my most self-destructive impulses like my addiction to fentanyl painkillers, which is the reason i keep going there,

    I am a bit of an outlier i think, because i have been in multiple relationships for the last 27 years (it’s not that i had the courage to actually try for relationships, but it still happened, back then when i had a bit of social life in my early 20s), so i at least wasn’t physically lonely (in the beginning), but emotionally i always withdrew after the “honeymoon” phase, trapping myself in a limbo where i lived with someone, but i couldn’t do shit because i wasn’t able to take the space for myself i would’ve needed to actually live, or even end the relationship out of fear of conflict.

    I am actually going to live on my own for the first time now (starting with april or may), and I think it will be for the better. I do fear the loneliness, but it will probably beat being stuck in perpetuity in a long dead relationship.

    It really is a lonely disorder, even when there are people.