Hello everyone, I decided to type up this small rant because I was feeling slightly anxious about having to help develop an organized Marxist-Leninist movement in America.

The issue I am having is that based on what I have read, I am not sure if any major party that claims communism or Marxism-Leninism actually can lead the proletariat to establish socialism; this leads to the conclusion that either someone else has to develop a Marxist-Leninist party or I would have to develop one (the latter is an even scarier proposition for me).

Why am I anxious? I feel as if I have very little to do with my life outside of helping communists (I have no jobs lined up at the moment and my mental illnesses do not help), yet my theoretical understanding is too weak at the moment to really organize anything, so I am left in a tough spot with no idea on what I want to do.

Honestly, I am currently just focused on trying to figure out what to do in life, where to go, who to talk to, etc. I think this mini-rant is also an expression of my lack of direction in life.

Context: I live in America, so I feel like I am isolated from any form of Marxist organization and Marxists in general.

Edit: I also do not have a consistent income I can use to pay the dues of party membership, and I do not know when I will be able to get a job.

Edit 2: I am thinking of joining a Marxist-Leninist caucus in DSA or PSL where I will be. Thanks for all the advice, comrades.