Talking random bullshit with someone you know well is great, performative socially masked pleasantries specifically chosen for their generality, and uncontroversial nature is immensely draining emotionally and mentally.
Saying talking to the cashier is “… immensely draining emotionally and mentally” is some seriously high drama.
The world really isn’t that hard to deal with. Most people are actually quite kind. Not me of course, but most people.
I don’t count being polite in public small talk, I mean things like being at a party where you don’t know anybody, work events, ceremonial events, those kinds of small, short hells.
My wife thinks that determinism causes you to ‘give up’ so you don’t fight against injustice. I, being a determinist, am obviously annoyed by this characterization. I would say that I am just as enthused to do things; I just wouldn’t attribute the enthusiasm to some mystical will that conjures it from nothing.
How I actually talk to my wife
My husband and I absolutely do discuss free will and other philosophical questions. Being able to have those conversations is what drew us together.
Some people talk about the weather or their local sports squadrons. We would rather discuss the ethical implications of modern technology or the nature of knowledge or art.
You can have both, damn.
I’m utterly convinced that nobody actually dislikes small talk, they just redefine it to something different in their minds or imagine it was unenjoyable by definition. It’s so common that you’ll see people say they dislike small talk and the say something like “meaningless conversation with people they don’t like.” As if “liking small talk” somehow means you have to like it with everyone, which is something nobody has ever seriously said. It’s just that small talk comes up in the context of strangers because generally those topics are more permissable with people you don’t know (as opposed to big talk topics like “do you think free will exists”).
Also I think a lot of people who claim they dislike small talk view the topics as exclusively things they dislike. As if it can only be about the weather and sports or something. Which, again, is not something anyone has ever said seriously.
It just feels very performative I guess? I’m not sure why it irks me I guess. Like they’ll say “I hate small talk” then talk about a video game they’ve been enjoying with their friends. Like, what the hell do you think you’re doing if not small talk? Talking about recent media you’ve enjoyed is small talk.
fucking hate it. I’m here for the real depth of humanity, or to transmit and receive infodumping.
The rest of it is exhausting. Imagine if you had to manually discard every piece of meaningless information you had to listen to in small talk. I have to do that. It’s annoying at the very least, and when you have to be in the room with people who LOVE small talk it’s a nightmare.
But why do you think that you can’t talk about things that interest you as small talk? Sharing interesting facts about stuff is absolutely small talk! You’re saying you don’t want to small talk, you want to info dump, but those aren’t mutually exclusive!
I just like keeping it real. I genuinely don’t care about your day and I won’t pretend like I do in order to fill the “awkward” silence. If I’m interested enough to talk to you, then it isn’t small talk
If you care about someone, then you care what happened to them.
Then it isn’t small talk if I care about someone
So asking how some ones day went isn’t small talk then?
I think your definition of small talk doesn’t line up with how people use it.
I just don’t like talking, no matter the size.
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hi honey I’m home
well, looks like rain tonight
you said it
Peak romance ❤️
We’re both autistic and therefore both hate small talk. Problem solved.
Because the purpose of life is to experience it?
Hearing what happened at my gf’s office shows that I’m interested in what she’s doing. Her telling me about her coworker who had a health scare means she cares about the people around her in that office. Her asking how my baseball game went means she cares that I did well, or I had fun playing the game.
Life isn’t a bunch of yes/no/maybe computer prompts from an RPG. That sounds like a miserable way to live to be honest.
I don’t mind having a conversation about stupid bullshit, I love those. But I do hate having a superficial conversation filled with lies and obfuscation about meaningless topics neither of us care about solely for the sake of filling the silence. It’s a waste of energy and time.
Then bring your A game to every conversation. Most people are interesting, they just need steering towards their subject of interest.
Oh my sweet summer sunshine. It’s not other people’s jobs to do your emotional labor for you.
You’re kinda confirming my pet theory that the “I don’t do small talk” people are all cunts
I’m in the “no small talk” camp. I at least try to not be a cunt at first. But I have no problems firing back.
I imagine many people in the group though just really don’t want to be bothered and being sharp with someone is usually a fast way to end that bother. They may not be cunts on the regular, they may just not want to be involved with the other person.
I agree that the other person was being cunty though. That condescending “sweet summer w/e” shit is rude af unless it’s done to be silly.
Some people make it into a personality trait, definitely.
Nobody’s expecting you to. But I’d fell like you’re missing out on the human experience.
I think you have to be pretty open to new things for this to be true, a lot of people will shut down and think certain topics are boring, art for example. You kind of have to force yourself to find those things interesting for a while before everything seems interesting.
I don’t know my experience is everything is interesting if someone is passionate about it. It’s mostly my fault when I’m only waiting for my turn to talk. (Mostly the reason is I’m forgetful and if I think I have something good to add I’m afraid I’ll forget it)
Nobody hates small talk. They hate meeting new people and the awkwardness and embarrassment of that situation. When you are comfortable with someone you don’t mind small talk or you’re comfortable enough with them to just exit the conversation because it’s boring.
I don’t hate meeting new people. It is quite refreshing in fact. Some people are turds, but most aren’t. Plus if you meet a stranger who is crap, you can just ask uncomfortable questions and/or mock them in subtle ways. Either they will go away or you will entertain yourself. Win/win.
I just don’t like talking to people I don’t know about nothing. It’s not awkward or embarrassing. I just don’t like it. I’m happy to be ignored 99% of the time.
Which is funny because I talk about nothing on here all the fucking time.
I didn’t say nuthin
the best kind of relationship is the one where you can be silent together and you don’t have to talk about trivial crap.
it blows my mind how much trivial miserable nonsense makes up most folks conversations, and how obsessed they are with other folks… and 100% they would be RIPSHIT if someone else talked about them the way they talked about the person they are gossiping about…
I used to have an ex who would viciously gossip about her friends/co-workers intimate details to me, and I asked her once what she would think if they did that about her. She got so angry at the thought… least to say we broke up pretty soon afterwards.
And I was a lot happier without her going on for hours about Lydia’s boyfriend’s crack addiction and his limp dick, etc.
That’s what normies don’t get about introverts: we’re not above small talk, we’re above small talk when it’s all there is. Of course we’ll ask the loved one how their day has been, and the fact is we’ll actually shut the fuck up and listen to it all, and when things become serious we’ll talk to say meaningful things.
Else, there’s folie à deux echolalia, shitty jokes, movie lines, comfortable silence, or skipping it all to ‘scorching hot sex’.
I’m all for small talk. It’s the superfluous small talk just to kill dead air I hate. I’d rather sit in an elevator and say nothing than talk about how much rain we’re about to get this afternoon.
Thats insert x location weather for ya’! don’t like it, Just wait five minutes! *proceeds to slap knee’
No I’m sorry, interiority cannot be tolerated or respected. You’re doing it wrong.
