Honestly, I don’t want to make another account only for them to detect me and ban me all over again.
I am getting a new computer and phone and everything when I get to Aragón but I want to know other alternatives.
Thanks!
What do I do now?
Stop using reddit I’d say
I need a victims of narcissistic abuse by a parent community to confide in
Besides, it’s where I basically ask for guidance and discover things
yeah its rough not having those confession/vent specific communities
Not just that, I have gotten good information from the question threads I have made and learning more about things that could help me as well as things that could help me even with non-stress related things.
it’s annoying now lol
Comments sections on youtube videos from psychologists talking about parental narcissistic abuse?
sure but i feel that the Reddit communities there that deal with that sort of thing answer my questions more promptly and are quick with the advice and needed information.
Also, it’s easier to ask more specific questions and get attention from others.
pretty sure there’s nothing you can do. they don’t give 2 shits about any users and they never did.
yeah :/
Happened to me as well. They even IP banned me.
Its a useless bot run site anyways.
yeah, it’s useful for getting some questions answered, but yeah
they also IP banned me five or four years ago
i was able to circumvent that and start over but now they banned me without any lead-up or incidents to the actual, well, shadowban
Well, I don’t have a solution for your actual question about being banned, but I can offer an interpretation of your issue and my own opinion, which echoes some of what Maeve commented. I suspect that you’re young, which I know makes it feel that you “need” something like a reddit community. I could be wrong about that, but in either case, you don’t. I was the victim of a covert narc mother and enabler father and am now estranged from both. My partner had an abusive malignant narc father. We both used to frequent those communities for a time, but as we/I got older, I realized they’re really not that helpful. The validation of your feelings and experience certainly has some level of value, but it’s minimal, and stops once you’re aware of the simple fact that you aren’t alone. Then it becomes a place to wallow in sorrow rather than try to actually deal with the situation (whether mental or physical) and develop strategies to solve issues. Once I saw that, it’s far better to focus on how to move forward, emotionally or otherwise. I would suggest leaving reddit permanently, primarily because it’s terrible for mental health due to it being an echo-chamber by design. It reinforces feelings of helplessness over the long term. In my view those communities should only be used as a reference, and not something to really be a ‘part’ of. Functionally all they do is enable your suffering to remain present in your life rather than acting as a healthy off-ramp.
Instead, what I did was educate myself on the clinical, scientific and psychological aspects of narcissism and read technical blogs, websites, and academic papers by legitimate researchers about the subject. Not YouTube. It’s infinitely better because it provided me technical tools and ways of thinking to improve myself and heal and respond to abusers, rather than fragments regurgitated by random reddit users. Understanding the real reasons why narcissists (or people with similar disorders) act the way they do is enormously helpful and uplifting, because you then can understand yourself and your pain, and it frees you from needing online validation because you know why things are the way they are, and how to react to future occurrences. And then you can take control of yourself and of your suffering and start to heal. But for me at least, those communities were like water-logged loose band-aids; they helped in the very small short term, but they quickly fell off, so then the solution is to walk to the hospital and get a permanent solution. And in this context that’s to learn and grow on your own. That’s not to say communities don’t have any value, they do (I’m here aren’t I?), but reddit’s popularity and ease of access means it’s quality is bottom of the barrel, and it’s often much more damaging than helpful.
TLDR: go elsewhere, preferably a library.
I’m turning 31though I am not sure how old you are.
To be clear, I don’t want to start accepting narcissistic people as being neurodivergent or whatever (not that you seem to be saying that but a lot of people out there seem to think that narcissists are" just another neuro-type" and while I don’t believe it, I don’t think I care at this point, ngl)
I usually look up academic papers and articles on Autism and ways to work with my mind rather than fight it.
I’ve never come across anyone who’s ever suggested that people with narcissism are neurodivergent in the way it’s typically understood. They’re certainly not neurodivergent in that context, and you’re correct that in no way am I implying that. Narcissism is strictly a personality disorder that manifests in outward abuse and is not under the same spectrum as autism from any interpretation I’m aware of. Understanding it as a disorder and the impact narcs have on others isn’t “accepting” it or them, and it’s not giving them any sort of excuse/justification for their actions, nor is it extending them any kindness. It’s simply a way of bringing clarity to the actions and underlying worldviews that motivate narcissists to act the way they do, which, at least in my case, brings relief and helps elucidate the distinction between actual reality (what narcissists do and what their actions cause) versus the false reality they invent to uphold their ego (what they say they do/are). The gap between those things are what results in the cognitive dissonance that causes much of the pain, confusion, and self-blame in their victims (e.g., they tell you they love or care for you but all their actions indicate otherwise). This is especially important to remember since gaslighting is their primary method to control narratives, redirect things they don’t like, and maintain the reality that they want (such as, with their children, having no boundaries).
Conversely, a person working to understand how neurodivergent people think and behave is different because it’s an expression of empathy, in order to understand how they are situated within the context of society, norms, and within the broad scope of human behavior, usually with the intent to help them be more accepted or tolerated or accommodated.
Narcissists lack empathy by definition, incidentally.
Somewhat made a thread relating to what I said to you just now a few minutes ago right here:
Yeah
Tbh, I am… sometimes on a lot of Discord servers at various times and I have to say that I have come across this one Autistic group of trans folks that think narcissists are only ever bad or abusive “when they’re malignant.”
Even a mod in one server said that disparaging them (narcissistic people in general) was ableist, I shit you not.
I think the problem with a lot of social media is that they have the ability to become insular cliques… but still affect outside forces from itself.
Basically replicating fraternities, inner circls, departmentalism, clique-ishness, commandism, “hashtag activism,” cultishness (a very big problem of the New Left movements from the mid to late 1970s into the 1980s and so on), etc.
I appear to also have Borderline Personality, likely due to intense trauma over the past 26 or 27 years or so, but honestly, what causes it and why is kinda up for debate last I checked, afaik. Even after my father left to his home country, the damage was done and my siblings, including one narcissistic right-wing sibling, is very co-dependent on him. I refuse to give in. It is a daily struggle that will hopefully end at the end of next month. My Mom has angry outbursts here and there. Also, panic attacks during the morning now too so far.
There’s absolutely no verifiable truth to that absurd claim and it demonstrates the problem with online communities: they’re often populated by those who, like those they claim to be criticizing (narcs or otherwise), want to control a narrative, irrespective of truth or objectivity. Any cursory search in a legitimate library, academic journal or similar, would easily dispel that and prove, quite literally, the exact opposite (which I’m sure you realize). It also makes no logical sense if you even understand narcissism, and that position de facto excludes all the other types, such as covert or communal, thereby disrespecting and erasing victims across the board. Regardless, garbage is all over the internet, as are people who don’t know what they’re talking about. And the confusion caused by them makes issues worse, which is why I only post on here, and only occasionally. Discord is no better than reddit and arguably somewhat worse, and most of the communities are crossed over and on both, so you’re being fed by the same cretinism–the only difference is that you have a different username and login for one versus the other. For your own mental health and development, I’d leave them all. If all they do is propagate lies and talk bullshit, then what’s the point? What value is it adding? Nevermind the fact that there are countless groups spread across the internet that are explicitly intended to mislead people for their own purposes, and want people to be confused or harmed. Guard yourself and your brain best you can and raise your standard of engagement.
I’d also really avoid self-diagnosing, unless you’ve been diagnosed by a professional as having borderline, don’t form ideas in your head about what you may or may not suffer from without knowing it for certain. That’s as dangerous as anything else. Just focus on being well-rounded and healthy and when possible, talk to a professional about your concerns otherwise.
Actually, I was indeed diagnosed with Borderline Personality recently. I don’t like to be “cluster b” but I think that’s the stigma talk. I am definitely something of an “otrovert.” Honestly, I’ve already been recommended DBT just for this alone.
Yes, I am already thinking about getting off of Discord.
Yeah, I don’t like constant trauma-dumping.
Probably but I want to use it one more time for a few things before I delete for good.
Give up on reddit.
i should
i don’t know exactly where to go now to get questions answered fast on narcissistic abuse from a parent, especially if it lasted over 20 years
Reddit definitely does have some useful subreddits. I got banned ages ago and there are times I could use a reddit sub. But overall life is less stressful without it as people are so unnecessarily argumentative over there.
Same without Twitter.
I may get rid of Discord next since I still have go to forum communities from the 2000s.
getting banned on reddit kinda sucks bc so many internet forums are concentrated there so lets instead look for alternatives
what do you suggest
i was thinking about joining the main lemmy
hmmm
honestly, sure
anything else?
The problem with these types of communities is that they too often keep people wallowing in what happened, rather than moving forward. Ask me how I know. 🙃 You can’t cling to the past without moving forward. It’s useful as a data point, should you find yourself in a similar situation, otherwise you’re frozen, reliving the past, rather than enjoy the solitary moment granted us: right here, right now.
To put it another way, if you know your last breath would be taken in half an hour, are you going to be concerned with r*ddit and this awful thing that already is behind you, or try to find joy in what’s before you?
It’s that simple.
tru 'nuff
halp
I have been making periodic appeals for maybe six weeks now.
