I hate it that instead of living in present I more live in past. ( this part of my life keep spinning in my head forever). probably because it still affects me.

story:

I was at university 4 years ago living normal Linux user life being alone and hacking in terminal etc etc. I was also good at C lang so I made a good connection with my C language professor. one day on submission of my work I was near my professor and let’s just say I might have crossed a line. (I am not proud of it and hope that shouldn’t have happened.) it was sudden and after a fraction of second I realized I made a huge mistake. I didn’t realized that there were other professors too in the same room. I didn’t know what to say so I said “umm sorry” and then I left.

after few days I found out that there was a professor who was in the room at that day and she hated me for what I did. she started bashing me for anything I did and made me cry then she told me she was doing it to give me a lesson for what I did with the C lang professor.

all of that was fine however my brain didn’t took it well. I remember begging in front of her to not destroy my credibility and academia. maybe maybe she was right and I deserved it but it shattered my self-esteem.

To this day I have this haunting memory of being in verge of destroying my life because of that mistake. I can’t even apply for Master in the university and really scared of here even after 4 years.

I want to work at that university but now I can’t even do that because of her. will she recognize me? still hate me? what if I join the university as a assistant and she humiliate me and make my life miserable?? there is a really good opportunity there but I can’t take it because of her.