My FiL intentionally takes advantage of this in people. His family try to give him the benefit of the doubt that he is just “unaware”, but I have been in situations where 1) I point out his imposition on other people to him, 2) he continues to engage in said behavior, 3) I subsequently call him out on it publicly, and 4) he calls me disloyal.
Of course he’s an evangelical MAGA voter with misogynist leanings.
Which disproves the idea above yours that simply being curt and telling people they’re being assholes or inconsiderate or wrong or evil doesn’t work. It doesn’t matter to them. Being ostracized doesn’t work. Imprisoning them doesn’t work.
But you can reduce their numbers by improving the situations that allowed their ideas to develop and spread or be preyed upon by bad actors.
If enough people are against him, he will relent. Social pressure and/ or ostracization does work on him. He won’t resort to violence or direct confrontation to try to get away with his inconsiderate BS, but if he thinks
you will think it’s too much trouble to confront him,
you will forget about his transgression, or
you won’t notice his transgression
then he will (continue to) try to get away with it. He has no baseline conscientiousness of other people, even people he supposedly loves.
Well, perhaps! I wouldn’t be surprised if he got an official diagnosis, but I’m an engineer, not a psychologist. So it won’t be from me.
I was just trying to agree with the original commenter, because when I call him on his crap publicly, it keeps him more in line. His own relatives seem relieved when I’m around because I will force him to be a little more courteous (e.g., telling him to clean up items behind himself instead of allowing/expecting the women in his family to do it). Their non-confrontational culture just enables him.
My FiL intentionally takes advantage of this in people. His family try to give him the benefit of the doubt that he is just “unaware”, but I have been in situations where 1) I point out his imposition on other people to him, 2) he continues to engage in said behavior, 3) I subsequently call him out on it publicly, and 4) he calls me disloyal.
Of course he’s an evangelical MAGA voter with misogynist leanings.
Which disproves the idea above yours that simply being curt and telling people they’re being assholes or inconsiderate or wrong or evil doesn’t work. It doesn’t matter to them. Being ostracized doesn’t work. Imprisoning them doesn’t work.
But you can reduce their numbers by improving the situations that allowed their ideas to develop and spread or be preyed upon by bad actors.
If enough people are against him, he will relent. Social pressure and/ or ostracization does work on him. He won’t resort to violence or direct confrontation to try to get away with his inconsiderate BS, but if he thinks
then he will (continue to) try to get away with it. He has no baseline conscientiousness of other people, even people he supposedly loves.
You’re describing narcissism and possibly borderline personality disorder
Well, perhaps! I wouldn’t be surprised if he got an official diagnosis, but I’m an engineer, not a psychologist. So it won’t be from me.
I was just trying to agree with the original commenter, because when I call him on his crap publicly, it keeps him more in line. His own relatives seem relieved when I’m around because I will force him to be a little more courteous (e.g., telling him to clean up items behind himself instead of allowing/expecting the women in his family to do it). Their non-confrontational culture just enables him.