Hi everyone. I created this community here on Lemmy because I wish to give others what I have never felt: the love and the support of a father.

My father is alive and well, but I’ve always felt like he was dead. I’ve never received support, love, or hugs but I instead received disapproval, criticisms, insults and high expectations from him. I remember telling kids in elementary school I had no dad.

I am at an age where this should not affect me. I am an adult with his own life but I am unable to feel indifferent to it. His words (or the lack thereof) still affect me. I want him to be proud of me, at least once in my lifetime, and whenever I try to say something that I think will make him proud, I always leave disappointed telling myself “never try again”.

My mother was emotionally unavailable too as she has a schizophrenia diagnosis. I don’t know what I am looking for by writing this post, maybe just some nice words.

I still wish to be someone’s cherished son. Thank you for reading.

Edit: Thank you to all, really. Your thoughtful comments warm up my heart.

  • JamesBoeing737MAX@sopuli.xyz
    2·
    10 months ago

    “I’ve never received support, love, or hugs but I instead received disapproval, criticisms, insults and high expectations from him.” - Most people just care about those, who they can use for their own benefit. If somebody doesn’t care about you, you aren’t obliged to care about them.

  • worhui@lemmy.world
    2·
    6 months ago

    Awesome for caring and turning your hurt and disappointment into something constructive.

    Sometimes you do everything right and still don’t get the normal response back. Life and people work that way sometimes.

    Just remember I’m proud of you when you get it right and when you don’t. Just being yourself is enough.