Excellent…

…is what is would say when I’m running my “Pretending to be Normal”.exe

Everyday I skim the headlines and it looks worse and worse.

I might have to quit Lemmy again. Like… at least a 6 month break. Maybe forever.

There’s literally nothing positive on Lemmy. I just want to stop knowing about the world and pretend things aren’t happening. If the gestapo comes, so be it. If I’m gonne die, I’m gonna enjoy some time without social media (yes, Lemmy is a social media) and enjoy the remaining moments we may have on this planet.

Eh, I’m still recovering from the holidays. My fiance passed three years ago, and during the holidays I still make it out to see her family. It’s always a bit bittersweet since I love seeing them, but I feel her absence so much more being with them without her. This year was tougher than the other it seemed like because of her grandma telling me how the family has kind of drifted apart since my fiance’s passing. The thing that broke my heart though, was talking with her sister and her telling me that sometimes she can’t remember her very well, that she has a hard time remembering her face. It really shook me to hear that. I cried intensely the whole way home. It’s heartbreaking to see the toll that her loss has taken on all of us. I’m in the process of trying to work through the grief, but it’s the most difficult thing I’ve ever head to do. Just simply accepting the new normal has been a monumental undertaking for me. I’m trying to figure out a life without her, it’s just hard to imagine what that looks like sometimes :'(