<serious> They mostly don’t. Poly people think they do, but you see far, far more relationship volatility in polyerotic relationships than you do in monogamous.
Edit: I see that I’m getting downvoted by the people that are in non-monogamous relationships. Fact is that when you talk to sex-positive sex and relationship counselors, they will almost universally say that functional polyerotic relationships are the equivalent of post-doctoral work, while most people have relationship abilities equivalent to a barely-literate middle school level. It’s not that multiamorous relationships are bad or wrong, or that the people that engage in them are wretched examples of humans (…although there are certainly more than a few of those) or anything like that, but to be functional that type of relationship requires a far greater level of self-awareness and honesty than most people are capable of. Hence the reason that they tend to be so volatile; more moving parts, more chances to fuck up.
In my personal experience I have found that most multiamorous relationships are more casual and less emotionally intimate (e.g., more shallow) than monogamous relationships. The people I have personally observed, including my own partners, have had less time to spend with any single person, and were more likely to jettison relationships rather than putting in the hard work to fix problems.
People be down voting you, but as someone in a years long poly relationships, most people are definitely not capable of handling it. Most people can’t even handle monogamous relationships.
I feel like there’s too many poly relationship structures to be able to generalise them all like that.
There’s plenty of people who have open relationships, where two people have a very close relationship (sometimes married) but they aren’t sexually exclusive with each other.
I’d also wager that some poly relationship structures would be more stable for lgbt people rather than heterosexual people, solely on the idea that everyone could participate more equally.
None of what I said is restricted to any specific form of multiamorous relationship, or any sexual orientation or gender identity/expression. Most of the people trying to engage in polyerotic relationships–by which I mean the overwhelming majority–are people that have signed up for an ultramarathon before they can successfully complete a 5k fun run.
We’re really just sharing opinions though, not facts.
I haven’t found any solid evidence that poly relationships are inherently more difficult or prone to failure than monogamous relationships. Long-lasting relationships are just hard in general.
My opinion is strictly anecdotal; I’m not a professional, I can only speak to what I’ve personally seen, and that may or may not be representative.
OTOH, if sex and relationship counselors are saying that the overwhelming majority of people are doing multiamory badly, then their opinions have a lot more weight. Are they necessarily correct? No, of course not, any more than the opinion of any one doctor could be full of shit (see also: any doctor that thinks trans-ideology is a woke-mind virus, or whatever they’re saying now). But it has a lot more weight than opinions of non-professionals.
Are most relationship counselors saying that though?
Like you said, professionals can be wrong, but I’d still be interested in knowing what the general consensus is.
I guess it’s hard to know without surveying them all.
I would have to look up names, but yes, all of the sex therapists and relationship counselors that I have personally heard talking about it specifically say that it’s a very advanced form of relationship, that it’s far, far more difficult than any conventional/monogamous relationship, and that most of the people doing them are doing them badly.
Is that authoritative? No. There definitely could be selection bias in that the podcasts and interviews that I choose to listen to, and the articles that I choose to read, that touch on sex, sexuality, and relationships are also ones that will confirm my opinion. (And this opinion, BTW, did not exist before I was in a multiamorous relationship for about 3, maybe 4 years.) I like to think that I’m pretty open about sex, sexuality, and relationships, that I don’t assign any particular morality to any given practice, and that I look largely at how well people find their own individual needs being met within relationships rather than whether the structure is A or B. But, at the same time, I was raised in a culture that is primarily monogamous (often serially monogamous), and normalizes that style of relationship, so I might have unconscious implicit bias.
<serious> They mostly don’t. Poly people think they do, but you see far, far more relationship volatility in polyerotic relationships than you do in monogamous.
Edit: I see that I’m getting downvoted by the people that are in non-monogamous relationships. Fact is that when you talk to sex-positive sex and relationship counselors, they will almost universally say that functional polyerotic relationships are the equivalent of post-doctoral work, while most people have relationship abilities equivalent to a barely-literate middle school level. It’s not that multiamorous relationships are bad or wrong, or that the people that engage in them are wretched examples of humans (…although there are certainly more than a few of those) or anything like that, but to be functional that type of relationship requires a far greater level of self-awareness and honesty than most people are capable of. Hence the reason that they tend to be so volatile; more moving parts, more chances to fuck up.
In my personal experience I have found that most multiamorous relationships are more casual and less emotionally intimate (e.g., more shallow) than monogamous relationships. The people I have personally observed, including my own partners, have had less time to spend with any single person, and were more likely to jettison relationships rather than putting in the hard work to fix problems.
People be down voting you, but as someone in a years long poly relationships, most people are definitely not capable of handling it. Most people can’t even handle monogamous relationships.
I feel like there’s too many poly relationship structures to be able to generalise them all like that.
There’s plenty of people who have open relationships, where two people have a very close relationship (sometimes married) but they aren’t sexually exclusive with each other.
I’d also wager that some poly relationship structures would be more stable for lgbt people rather than heterosexual people, solely on the idea that everyone could participate more equally.
None of what I said is restricted to any specific form of multiamorous relationship, or any sexual orientation or gender identity/expression. Most of the people trying to engage in polyerotic relationships–by which I mean the overwhelming majority–are people that have signed up for an ultramarathon before they can successfully complete a 5k fun run.
We’re really just sharing opinions though, not facts.
I haven’t found any solid evidence that poly relationships are inherently more difficult or prone to failure than monogamous relationships. Long-lasting relationships are just hard in general.
My opinion is strictly anecdotal; I’m not a professional, I can only speak to what I’ve personally seen, and that may or may not be representative.
OTOH, if sex and relationship counselors are saying that the overwhelming majority of people are doing multiamory badly, then their opinions have a lot more weight. Are they necessarily correct? No, of course not, any more than the opinion of any one doctor could be full of shit (see also: any doctor that thinks trans-ideology is a woke-mind virus, or whatever they’re saying now). But it has a lot more weight than opinions of non-professionals.
Are most relationship counselors saying that though?
Like you said, professionals can be wrong, but I’d still be interested in knowing what the general consensus is.
I guess it’s hard to know without surveying them all.
I would have to look up names, but yes, all of the sex therapists and relationship counselors that I have personally heard talking about it specifically say that it’s a very advanced form of relationship, that it’s far, far more difficult than any conventional/monogamous relationship, and that most of the people doing them are doing them badly.
Is that authoritative? No. There definitely could be selection bias in that the podcasts and interviews that I choose to listen to, and the articles that I choose to read, that touch on sex, sexuality, and relationships are also ones that will confirm my opinion. (And this opinion, BTW, did not exist before I was in a multiamorous relationship for about 3, maybe 4 years.) I like to think that I’m pretty open about sex, sexuality, and relationships, that I don’t assign any particular morality to any given practice, and that I look largely at how well people find their own individual needs being met within relationships rather than whether the structure is A or B. But, at the same time, I was raised in a culture that is primarily monogamous (often serially monogamous), and normalizes that style of relationship, so I might have unconscious implicit bias.