Every now and then I hear about the whole “internet is forever” thing. I’ve made attempts at digital privacy and such, but always eventually fall of - convenience wins out, or I just forget things enough, or

What triggered this is some post about ChatGPT’s questionable practices, and one of the top comments that read “Assume that anything you write online will be stored forever and then read at your funeral”. Another person agrees that everyone should operate like this. I’ve gone looking and found variations who say you should never post anything you wouldn’t put on a postcard, or wouldn’t be willing to show your boss or your grandma, or wouldn’t want attached to your name and address. People who say they never use the internet for anything remotely personal, or that they keep strict boundaries between private and online life. I literally can’t comprehend it.

I have trauma-dumped on ChatGPT before I got rid of my account. I keep resolving to not get personal with it again and literally can’t help myself at times. Earlier today I was playing with it, generating fanficky scenarios with favorite tropes for fun - at present, I’m trying to limit myself to only fun stuff like that, or factual questions for ChatGPT, moving more personal work to my glitchy local LLM. Before this though, I have a long-standing issue of oversharing basically anywhere. I don’t have much social media - mostly Reddit and Discord, the latter I keep trying to use less because people say it’s bad for digital privacy. Even then, these arguments were being brought against ChatGPT and other AI - hardly an open online forum, but it still counts like writing on one.

I’ve made attempts at digital privacy in the past

But those kinds of injunctions - assume everything you write is not only permanent, but will be used against you/shared with everyone/tied to your name and address regardless of any precautions, makes the whole business even more hopeless. At least one alternative is a kind of school-of-fish theory; that’s sort of what I’ve been working with. Sure it’s out there, and it’s permanent, but there’s enough legwork involved to trace it to YOU, specifically, that no one would actually care to do so because you’re one or two tiny data points among billions, so it’s as good as anonymous. Better if you compartmentalized so an outsider would fine it even harder to trace back to you. Not truly anonymous obviously, but close enough; to give pause or exercise some discretion but also not worry excessively. Worry more about what you’re sharing with whom, the actual users. This stops working if you’re assuming that everything is going to be used against you, or attached to you. It makes posting basically impossible. If you’re like me and would rather nothing be read at your funeral, not even the shit you MEANT to publish for public consumption, you’re left with zero outlets for communication.

So of course, only ever be surface level. Never be honest, or open, or vulnerable. Never ask for help or advice or acknowledge if something is wrong Never confide to anyone. Never share a testimony or an experience. Never tell anyone what you like, or how you think, or who you are. Be an island and a vault.

If there’s no one IRL to fill those needs, then perish.

At this point in life, I think I’d actually prefer that.

Because on top of a decade of chronic oversharing, I very much still WANT to put more of myself out there right now. That’s the worst and biggest issue I have that makes this whole worry so painful. I’ve thought about looking for penpals or accountability groups but worry about privacy and the platforms. I’ve wondered about just joining other Discord groups since I’ve already handed over enough info but can’t be bothered.

Literally the entire reason I (think I) do this is because I have no one IRL. I’m sure I’m not alone in this. I have one, singular social contact and if I go NC with them, I’ll have virtually no one. It’s not like I can use them to fulfill any of those needs anyway without being told “just don’t think about it” or “you’re lying and making everything up”. And “common sense of the internet” says one SHOULDN’T look online for any kind of relief. Don’t ask for reassurance on Reddit or Lemmy or social media, it’s personal. Don’t look for penpals or online friends, remember your DMs will be saved and broadcasted. Absolutely never touch any kind of mental health board or group, if you can’t afford therapy or no one around you is competent then you should just self-destruct harder like they did in the old days (seriously these always feel overlooked in these kinds of privacy/internet-is-forever discussions). Can’t even use AI as a substitute because that also counts as “writing online” that you should be afraid of having saved.

I literally can’t fathom being private on the internet at this point. I don’t understand how people who think like that survive. I’m probably going to end up continuing on exactly as I please because it’s better than rotting. Even with sharing everything I feel like I’m dying of loneliness and I don’t care how dramatic that sounds. Same for “I don’t see the point of living if I can’t chat and overshare with people on the internet”.