Is it really completely normal to be insulted by someone and then decide “well that seems like someone I should have sex with!”?
I know that what I’m doing is essentially victim blaming. I know that that is a terrible thing in theory. However, it’s in my opinion important to take the exact situation into account.
For example, if someone dresses sexily and gets raped and then you tell them “shouldn’t have dressed like that”, that’s totally unacceptable, because dressing sexily should be possible without being raped.
However, when for example someone tells their friends secrets even with good intentions, maybe to help someone, and the ones they told secrets about then stop their friendship, that is obviously fine and maybe the one telling secrets shouldn’t have told them, even if they meant well. This is obviously a different situation, but you’d still be technically “victim blaming” if you tell them not to tell the secrets, but now it’s justified victim blaming. Or maybe even a more clear example is someone burning themselves on a hot coffee cup. You don’t blame the barista for making the coffee too hot, but the victim for “should have known coffee is hot”.
This situation we talk about right here is imo right in the middle. No one should use negging obviously, it’s shitty behavior. But also, really, sleeping with someone after they insult you? They tell you exactly what kind of asshole they are and you still sleep with them? It’s definitely not 100% of the blame, but I’d say around 40% or something. It’s like someone getting burned when there’s a big red sign “Caution! Hot! Don’t touch!”. Maybe the hot thing could have been secured better or something, but it’s still not unreasonable to tell them to maybe watch out and not touch when there’s an obvious sign like that.
The initial comment squarely placed the blame on Feynman, which is completely fine, the blame is there. All I’m doing is saying that maaaaybe it also would make sense for the women to be smart enough to not fall for something that should be so extremely obvious. Like, both things can be stupid and should not be done, at the same time.
Is it really completely normal to be insulted by someone and then decide “well that seems like someone I should have sex with!”?
I know that what I’m doing is essentially victim blaming. I know that that is a terrible thing in theory. However, it’s in my opinion important to take the exact situation into account.
For example, if someone dresses sexily and gets raped and then you tell them “shouldn’t have dressed like that”, that’s totally unacceptable, because dressing sexily should be possible without being raped.
However, when for example someone tells their friends secrets even with good intentions, maybe to help someone, and the ones they told secrets about then stop their friendship, that is obviously fine and maybe the one telling secrets shouldn’t have told them, even if they meant well. This is obviously a different situation, but you’d still be technically “victim blaming” if you tell them not to tell the secrets, but now it’s justified victim blaming. Or maybe even a more clear example is someone burning themselves on a hot coffee cup. You don’t blame the barista for making the coffee too hot, but the victim for “should have known coffee is hot”.
This situation we talk about right here is imo right in the middle. No one should use negging obviously, it’s shitty behavior. But also, really, sleeping with someone after they insult you? They tell you exactly what kind of asshole they are and you still sleep with them? It’s definitely not 100% of the blame, but I’d say around 40% or something. It’s like someone getting burned when there’s a big red sign “Caution! Hot! Don’t touch!”. Maybe the hot thing could have been secured better or something, but it’s still not unreasonable to tell them to maybe watch out and not touch when there’s an obvious sign like that.
The initial comment squarely placed the blame on Feynman, which is completely fine, the blame is there. All I’m doing is saying that maaaaybe it also would make sense for the women to be smart enough to not fall for something that should be so extremely obvious. Like, both things can be stupid and should not be done, at the same time.