That’s the point of this post. That’s fun for me too. But if you’re living with someone, you’ve found out what their opinion on free will and almost every other deep conversation you could have with them in the first few years. How will it look 15 years later? Either you rehash the same conversation about free will multiple times a day or you wander around the same house in abject silence for months until one of you can think of a good continuation of that 20 year long “what is the meaning of life?” conversation you’ve been having. Instead just learn to small talk, life is long and it’s nice to have the affirmation that a loved one still pays attention to and cares about your day to day.
This seems more like extroverts’ misconceptions of how introverts are, rather than an actual issue to me. I don’t tend to seek out relationships with highly extroverted people who can’t stand the idea of a moment where nobody is saying something, regardless of how inane that thing happens to be. At present, my companion and I have known each other for pushing 15 years, and we’re just comfortable being quiet around each other, unless one of us actually has something to say. If one of us actually has something they want to communicate about their day, or some other typical topic for small talk, we’re more than capable of talking each others’ ears off, we just don’t feel any need to run through conversations like:
“How was your day?”
“Good, yours?”
“Also acceptable.”
on a regular basis, unless we actually have something we wanted to discuss.
It’s also not as though we don’t have any hobbies or interests. We’ve got plenty of shared ones, and enjoy discussing them and planning out future activities, we just tend to do it either solo or together, but without involving large groups. Even for those we don’t share, we enjoy discussing them with each other to a certain extent.
There’s a huge difference between disliking pointless, socially expected chatter to fill dead air, and having some sort of social anxiety that leaves you unable to sustain regular conversations with others in your life. People who are not introverted just seem to assume that we either wish we could do it, but have some sort of condition that prevents us from being able to do so without it causing us problems, or that we just never learned how to do it properly, and would enjoy it for some reason if they just kept trying to get us to do it more and practice. I’m sure there are people that would apply to, but it’s not universal, and many of us would just like to be left in peace, unless you actually have something to say. Sometimes, we even meet others like ourselves, and enjoy our peace together, without the pointless talk that we both know neither is really interested in.
“What do you want for dinners next week?” while planning the groceries list is not small talk. What shall we do this weekend. Its not “what is the meaning of life” but it is important still the same. What Kitty just did is also important because we both care about Kitty’s well being. There is lots to talk about that is not deep philosophical stuff, but still important.
you’ve found out what their opinion on free will and almost every other deep conversation you could have with them in the first few years
I met my wife when we were 16-17. We are in our 40s now. It’s reasonable to expect that our opinions on such subjects have changed since then.
But there are plenty of subjects to talk about. How is the current environment in the US going to impact our kids’ lives going forward? Even if we know each other’s general perspectives on life, the universe, and everything, that doesn’t mean we can also predict opinions on complex scenarios and situations.
That’s the point of this post. That’s fun for me too. But if you’re living with someone, you’ve found out what their opinion on free will and almost every other deep conversation you could have with them in the first few years. How will it look 15 years later? Either you rehash the same conversation about free will multiple times a day or you wander around the same house in abject silence for months until one of you can think of a good continuation of that 20 year long “what is the meaning of life?” conversation you’ve been having. Instead just learn to small talk, life is long and it’s nice to have the affirmation that a loved one still pays attention to and cares about your day to day.
This seems more like extroverts’ misconceptions of how introverts are, rather than an actual issue to me. I don’t tend to seek out relationships with highly extroverted people who can’t stand the idea of a moment where nobody is saying something, regardless of how inane that thing happens to be. At present, my companion and I have known each other for pushing 15 years, and we’re just comfortable being quiet around each other, unless one of us actually has something to say. If one of us actually has something they want to communicate about their day, or some other typical topic for small talk, we’re more than capable of talking each others’ ears off, we just don’t feel any need to run through conversations like:
“How was your day?”
“Good, yours?”
“Also acceptable.”
on a regular basis, unless we actually have something we wanted to discuss.
It’s also not as though we don’t have any hobbies or interests. We’ve got plenty of shared ones, and enjoy discussing them and planning out future activities, we just tend to do it either solo or together, but without involving large groups. Even for those we don’t share, we enjoy discussing them with each other to a certain extent.
There’s a huge difference between disliking pointless, socially expected chatter to fill dead air, and having some sort of social anxiety that leaves you unable to sustain regular conversations with others in your life. People who are not introverted just seem to assume that we either wish we could do it, but have some sort of condition that prevents us from being able to do so without it causing us problems, or that we just never learned how to do it properly, and would enjoy it for some reason if they just kept trying to get us to do it more and practice. I’m sure there are people that would apply to, but it’s not universal, and many of us would just like to be left in peace, unless you actually have something to say. Sometimes, we even meet others like ourselves, and enjoy our peace together, without the pointless talk that we both know neither is really interested in.
Relevant meme:
“What do you want for dinners next week?” while planning the groceries list is not small talk. What shall we do this weekend. Its not “what is the meaning of life” but it is important still the same. What Kitty just did is also important because we both care about Kitty’s well being. There is lots to talk about that is not deep philosophical stuff, but still important.
I met my wife when we were 16-17. We are in our 40s now. It’s reasonable to expect that our opinions on such subjects have changed since then.
But there are plenty of subjects to talk about. How is the current environment in the US going to impact our kids’ lives going forward? Even if we know each other’s general perspectives on life, the universe, and everything, that doesn’t mean we can also predict opinions on complex scenarios and situations.