In this time, the most precious substance in the Universe is baked beans. Baked beans extend life. Baked beans expand consciousness. Baked beans are vital to space travel. The Spacing Guild and its navigators, who the beans have mutated over four-thousand years, use the orange bean juice, which gives them the ability to fold space. That is, travel to any part of the Universe without moving.

Workers must control the means of beans.

A single, seedless grape. I didn’t think it was a big deal at first, but googled it and apparently dogs can die from eating a grape. A £200 quid emergency vet bill, and an hour or so of collecting dog vomit later and he was pronounced safe. Worth it.

“Your nipples, your balls, your belly button.”

Hide and seek gone very wrong.

I’m still hoping Scotland can win it. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

ASK THE MOTH. THE MOTH WILL TELL ALL!

Refortify UK

Man, I love my Pervospecs™!

NYT Cooking is pretty good but my GOAT is Felicity Cloake’s ‘how to make the perfect…’ column in the Gruniad. She is always my first port of call when I fancy trying something new.

She takes recipes from an assortment of cookbooks, tries them all, discusses what worked well and what didn’t (and why) for her and her test eaters before finishing with a recipe based on the outcome of those test cooks.

One of the rare cases where you want to read the whole post and not just ‘jump to recipe’. Because she describes the variations that different cookbooks recommend, it’s very easy to adapt her own ‘perfect’ recipe to your own tastes.

Here, as an example, is her chicken souvlaki.

There was no abuse or violence or aggression or anything like that, so I guess I got off lightly compared to some other commenters.

But there was also little to no displays of love or affection. We kind of just cohabited. I don’t remember my parents ever telling me they loved me. I don’t remember either of them ever hugging me.

That’s left me as something of an emotional cripple. More than one of my exes has used that exact term to describe me: ‘emotional cripple’.

But now I have a wife (who saw enough of my family to understand what made me the way I am) who’s powered through all of that. And kids. Kids who I show my love to (not like that you filthy minded perverts). I tell them I love them and hug them and will probably fuck them up a whole different way.

You’re trying to make ‘Five Mil Froggie’ a thing, huh?

Dude probably has a smart casual bin.

I am ‘bossman’ to the guy in my nearest Mr. Shop, and my nearest chicken shop. So. Bossman / Bossman.

How are you expected to buy a house if you don’t have a wallet with all your wealth in it?

Surely you mean scallions / green onions / spring onions?

Oh. I learned it as Lucy Loves Licking Labia Lustily. Still, same thing.

How else are you going to get meaningless cosmetic bonus items!!!1!?!

When I worked in the states, my team bought me a superman flag so I could wave the S-flag whenever I was being sarcastic. Because otherwise they wouldn’t spot it.