All I can say is that just yesterday I just booked a time with a doctor in order to start my HRT and your text could almost have been written by me.

Feeling super scared. Anxious. And I’ve heard in the various trans peer support groups that that’s what others almost invariably have felt at thia point.

Apparently that’s how this goes. It is a daunting task. But, oso so many others have made it. And therefore, by all logic, so will both of us.

Why do you want to simulate periods?

I think taking away the burden of choice regarding the changing room could be nice – towards a trans woman at least. So, if they’re a woman, just show them the women’s changing room. If they show hesitancy, then tell them they’re of course free to use the other room as well.

A trans woman in men’s changing room can end up encountering some seriously shitty shit. A trans woman in women’s changing room is definitely safe, and unlikely to end up in any negative encounters whatsoever.

I’ve been very pleasantly surprised by how positively cis women react to trans women! 🩷

Many trans women can feel insecure about their right to use the women’s changing room, so gently pushing them that way as showing that as the assumed default will help them.

Also make sure that the customer knows that if there should be any conflicts with other customers, you definitely will have their back!

At what point after starting HRT do such cramps or PMS symptoms actually appear if they are to appear? About right away? Or after half a year? Or when?

This seems to make it clear that GGP is not an option, then.

I don’t like the risk of my healthcare data leaking to a trans-hostile country such as USA, but since I wouldn’t dare to travel there anyway, it is extremely unlikely to really affect me in any way. Imago seems like the way to go, then.

There are, but I am not aware of one that would prescribe anything without a trans diagnosis from the public healthcare. And because I got diagnosed with psychosis for being transgender, it will take a couple of years for them to agree to give me a trans diagnosis. Now they see me as fake trans who just “has psychosis that will eventually pass and he will be male again”. Once the “psychosis” is “dealt with”, they’ll probably give me the diagnosis.

Those private ones are useful if you have plenty of money and want to skip the queues that can be 1½ years long, but first you need to get the public healthcare to cooperate. And in my case it won’t, for the time being.

What a good text!

Thanks! 🩷

About the list of options: those would require me to live in UK or at least physically travel there to use those services, right?

Do you know what those people have been unsatisfied with regarding ggp?

Cypro apparently means the same substance as androcur?

My source is basically hearsay from other trans women, based on what the doctors in the public healthcare in my country have told them during their transitioning.

What do you mean about not taking injections because of blood clots?

I’ve heard it recommended that estradiol should not be taken as an injection if you’re over 40-year-old. And that should not be such a problem with blockers, for example.

Sounds a lot like me.

Change the therapist. It’s imporant for your therapist to really be on the same wavelength with you.

You will get much better results with a different therapist.

They’ll be a good therapist for someone other. But not a match for you.

Well, I went to the capital for the first Pride I’ve attended as something else than “supporting those who need this”. I’ve marched there twice before, but this time I was wearing my skirt and some jewelry and was in the trans block. It felt awesome how people were screaming “wooooo!” when they saw our block. And then there was that obligatory corner with “Christians” that had their idiotic signs. And in front of them and on both of their sides there were people with rainbow flags that were shouting “you are loved and valuable”. And they almost completely managed to nullify the effect of the “Christians”, and actually probably made the encounter net positive, because I really loved the effort those people had made to make us feel safe and loved in middle of that visual-verbal attack. My heroes! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

And then at the Pride hangaround after that, I encountered such balanced and well-living happy trans women, and they were talking about car mechanics that I have zero experience of, and other things that teenage boys have usually done but I haven’t, and I was a bit gobsmacked. But, that helped me understand something important: That I had been gatekeeping myself from womanhood. What I really need is my normal hormonal balance, that I have still never in my life had.

So, I decided that in some months I will begin HRT. I only understood in April that I am trans, so for me all this has been quite a rollercoaster.

But then, the day after that was full of sadness. I was feeling anxious, I was feeling saddened, nothing seemed to inspire me. What a weird contrast to the happy feelings I had had just the previous day at the Pride. That I evening I talking in phone with my mom that is mostly very supportive but sometimes says “lovely” stuff such as “OH NO NO NO NO NO, not to my child, that would be so horrible, I really hope you won’t need it!” some month or so ago, when I spoke to them about “possibly but unlikely wanting HRT” or ends the call meaning to say “Remember that no matter what, you will always be my child”, but lets out a Freudian slip where the word “child” is replaced with “son”. Anyway, in that call I figured out this sadness has somehow something to do with the decision I made that I will start HRT. And she asked: “Could it be that you’re feeling a sadness of farewells? That you’re sad because you’ve letting go of something.”

And I started crying a medium-sized pond of tears, sobbing: “Apparently, because that question made me cry this much.”
So, when this year began, I was still trying to learn how to live properly as an adult. (As an adult man.) And that had never really worked out. And I had no idea I was trans. Now I am finally letting go of that weight, and yes, that’s a big good change, but also a lot to leave behind. In some way it means giving up on a goal I had for about two decades. Me as a male was an unattainable goal, and it’s kind of funny it took me quarter a century to notice that.

But, better late than never.

So, yeah, that’s how my last week’s worth of days has been.