Certified person, 100% someone.
My uncle’s right wing Facebook friend told him a story about how he was left wing but then they changed what left wing was and now his pet bird has no wings because he tore them off. Needless to say he votes Republican because he likes harming small animals
Poor Mr drain, only ever gets the spaghetti water but never gets spaghetti.
My local cigarette sensei’s aunt was just telling me this morning about how she grew pubes on her tits in her 2nd year of college and all the guys would try to date her just to get a glimpse but she wasn’t into them, all she wanted was to continue her biology studies so she could learn how to grow pubes on her teeth too so that they became self brushing. She eventually settled down with a biological person by the name of Patrick but he just couldn’t stand when he would try to brush her teeth while she slept and the tooth pubes would get tangled all into the bristles of the tooth brush. That was his inspiration for the screenplay for the movie tangled by Disney. The studio forced him to switch things around to make it rated G though so he’s still bitter about that.
When he was 22 years old my niece’s grandpa used to have one of these for watching vintage porn. 47 years later and now all he does is sneak boogers in my pocket and call it Mac and Cheese.
I met this guy once and he had a snowblower full of cum it was actually pretty impressive, I asked him how he got such cum covered sidewalks and he told me he was Hugh Hefner’s squire.
My smoking partner once told me he got some illegal treats from a eugenicist named Paul back when he was just a young boy. I asked him what they were but he just kept giving me these ridiculous cryptic answers like “fibreglass cotton balls” and “sporadic fish crystals”. One day I had enough so I took his smokes away and smoked them all by myself. A message appeared in the smoke that finally explained the secrets of Paul the eugenicist, his secrets were too dark that even I can’t repeat them. So if you ask me what they are I’m sorry but fibreglass cotton balls give me cuts all over my rectum when I shove them in my ass.
The dog buried it in Nancy’s back yard but Bruce found out about it and dug it up and gave it to someone else’s dog. Who knows what that dog does with it but if I had to wager a guess I’d say he’s using it as a sounding rod.
Ten seconds is too generous
She ate too many chestnuts
I’m honored that you think I’m as smart as an artificial intelligence.
My porno scavenging ex step sister in law used to donate blood every 3 moons but one day she just kind of stopped. When we would ask her why she stopped giving blood she told us it’s because she watched inspector gadget and he told her that if she kept donating blood she wouldn’t get $26.51 to buy some book called Gary Potter and the platypus hymens from some guy she used to scavenge porno with who lives down the street. So many lives lost because she never gave blood again.
A few months ago I ate horse sashimi in hida Japan, I’d like to think those horses got to have a fun airplane ride to get there like I did
$26.51 is exactly the right amount to buy my elderly neighbour Lucy’s favorite book, “Gary Potter and the platypus hymen”. I’ve never read it but she’s told me that it’s about a young Welsh magician named Gary who can’t stop harvesting platypus hymens to feed to his pet snake because he thinks it gives it the power of love, but instead all it does is cause an environmental disaster in Uzbekistan. Anyway my neighbor died around the same time as the little boy in the other meme posted on here about blood donation so I went through her stuff and grabbed a copy of that book. I’ll sell it to you for $26.51 but only if you’ll feed me chips while I drive a cement truck to Trinidad, I’ve heard they really need to cover the entire island in concrete so the animals and plants all go away, they’ve been squatting there for thousands of years like vagrants.
About 58 bus rides ago my dad’s dog came across a guy on the bus listening to dog whistle sounds without headphones, no one on the bus could hear but the dog. Needless to say that dog stood on it’s back legs looked him straight in the eyes and said “you’ll never not be an asshole but at least you’ll feel my rage” and waved his magic stick he found at the park. That assholes ears turned into dog ears and he heard the agony of the dog whistle he was playing. He then turned it off apologized to the dog and brought him home with him. He’s my dad now but anything could happen 58 bus rides from now.
Wrong Island, you wanted pepstein Island owned by the original Pepsi recipe creator Geoff Pepstein
Don’t forget the classic “I got it on on Epstein’s Island and all I got was this shitty presidency and my victims will probably never face justice because I’m such an old piece of shit but everyone also hopes that my cult followers will pull a Jonestown when I’m gone so they can follow me to the promised land and we can eat unlimited hamburgers and diet Coke but because I went to hell all I get to eat are tacos Al pastor made by a guy who’s never heard of Mexico while a bird named Gerry feeds another bird named Gerry some pie made out of my eyeballs”
I’ve got electric lights in my house too but you don’t see me giving them to plants do you?
Guess I’ll never get into Jay’s bone zone. Love you Doug.
How the hell would I generate these using a Liquor License of Montreal? That makes about as much sense as shaving a kiwi to ride an airplane toy to the oven.
Ads are the best part of life, I can’t wait until I can get a chip installed into my brain so I can get the ultimate targeted ads.