All uncovered glasses of water belong to the cat.

I thought this was common knowledge.

(Real talk: I almost lost my half-feral asshole because he wasn’t drinking enough water. Make sure all your animals have plenty.)

Can’t wait to see this on Antiques Roadshow as a relic of the Third World War

Do you trea their dishes like human dishes, replacing them with every meal? Do you have more than one bowl for them?

It’s why we had folks with math degrees working in our analytics team

Undermind - Phish

No and that’s part of the problem. Conversions to sales based on clicks is easy to track. But if they mention something to someone who buys something there’s no way know.

Which is the dirty secret, and why Coca-Cola still needs to advertise.

No, it was because big companies wouldn’t cut us big checks if we used porn data, and we liked big checks.

Interestingly, the data we threw out because it was from porn sites actually performed really well.

Somebody created an ad campaign for adult diapers and linked it to people who watched granny porn and it was 10x more effective.

(They got fired for this.)

I worked for a big data collection company and the dirty secret was that our ads barely converted

All of computing beyond programming with switches is “protecting the user from themselves.”

“Why use a language? Aren’t you able to perfectly program in binary? I’m not going to waste time building something just because you’re stupid.”

You could have done as good or better job with Eliza back in the day

Remote into my other machine and play video games

Lay in my hammock and talk to the birds and squirrels.

Heaven is a Chuck Tingle book

You could make good money teaching people how to do a proper interview.

Talking to animals instead of people makes me feel good without being overwhelmed.

Things were never the same after CNN made the news ticker permanent on 9/11/01

Cronkite, too.

I think it would have been easier if it was fully grown

I hear this all the time and it bears repeating that Independent doesn’t mean centrist, unless you lump anarchists in with the Dems.

I’ve raised chickens and pigs and don’t mind eating them. But a poor little hurt bunny is different.