Separation anxiety is what happens when you can’t find your phone.

It isn’t true that my mattress is made of cotton candy.

Someone I know recently combined Maple Syrup & buttered Popcorn thinking it would taste like caramel popcorn. It didn’t and they don’t recommend anyone else do it either.

He would only survive if he kept the fire going and he could hear thunder in the distance.

He looked behind the door and didn’t like what he saw.

The opportunity of a lifetime passed before him as he tried to decide between a cone or a cup.

The reservoir water level continued to lower while we enjoyed our long shower.

He was surprised that his immense laziness was inspirational to others.

We will not allow you to bring your pet armadillo along.

Buried deep in the snow, he hoped his batteries were fresh in his avalanche beacon.

I’m a living furnace.

She saw the brake lights, but not in time.

Harrold felt confident that nobody would ever suspect his spy pigeon.

The fact that there’s a stairway to heaven and a highway to hell explains life well.

You have no right to call yourself creative until you look at a trowel and think that it would make a great lockpick.

He found the end of the rainbow and was surprised at what he found there.

It turns out you don’t need all that stuff you insisted you did.

I can’t believe this is the eighth time I’m smashing open my piggy bank on the same day!

Today I bought a raincoat and wore it on a sunny day.

The truth is that you pay for your lifestyle in hours.