A note saying the line cook prepared your burger with one of the pickle slices in his ass.

Are you a parent? My condolences.

God, I hope not.

Shit. I’ve been conned.

What planes do the Geneva Conventions apply on?

I did it. Elvis paid me to.

I make gaming terrain out of cardboard and other household junk! …not very successfully. But every attempt is better than the last.

Report to Ministry of Truth for correctaction doublequick, citizen.

One day at work, someone locked the storeroom keys in the storeroom. Luckily the network engineer had a set of lockpicks in his car, and knew how to use them. He played it like lockpicks are a perfectly normal thing to carry in your vehicle, but we don’t buy it.

Trump has always been at war with Eastasia.

Sounds reasonable to me.

Or maybe of Welsh place names.

I started buying my own beer at 15. I had a streak of grey in my hair, which helped.

That was… long enough ago that photo ID wasn’t an issue.

Listen fella, you don’t go around pointing out a man’s disability like that.

Group chats with Friends? Games? Ebooks? There might be algorithms associated with those somewhere, but you’d have to go digging for them.

I wish their research good luck and godspeed. My cat lost an eye to cancer when she was eight.

Can’t I just be blind instead?

Ever thought about shitcanning all of that and just folding some paper cranes?

You’re not a good person, but I kind of respect you.

Closed.

Your average closet monster is restricted by the size of the closet. Can you imagine what size closet monster could lurk in an ensuite?