If you are a basement dwelling incel with severe depression from loneliness and severe loniless from depression, you can crawl out of that depression by doing stuff.
Set aside the incel stuff, if getting out of a depression would be that simple, not nearly as many people would have it. You can be around people and still be lonely. If that worked for you, wonderful. Doesn’t mean it works for everyone. People can get a kind of burn out if they’re helping people and expect nothing in return, spend a lot of energy on those people, but when they themselves need it, no one is there for them. It can be absolutely exhausting and can fuck you up as a person. I’ve seen it happen and it’s happened to me as well.
it takes work. my medications didn’t help at all. tried so many for years. it was a cycle of:
10 try new medication at lowest dose
20 if side effects GOTO 10
30 rise dose
40 GOTO 20
Loneliness causes depression, and depression causes loneliness.
By getting out a bit at a time, I met people, and the more I went out the easier it got. but the first step was fucking hard. But it was as hard as going to a doctor for the first time to ask for help with depression.
Not saying don’t get medicated or reach for a medical professional… just that you should also go out and meet people in activities.
Great that it worked for you, but I’m sorry, just because it worked for you doesn’t mean it works for everyone.
Loneliness is not necessarily cured by seeing people. I’ve had times where I’ve seen close to 50 people I knew in a week and still felt lonely. In fact, there are times I’ve felt less lonely after having had a week alone. It isn’t about contact with people, period, it’s about a connection with people. And that often depends on the people you have around you. You had people that you got into contact with with whom you were able to build a connection with - great! Not everyone has that luxury. Some people have the luck that people around them generally aren’t interested in them. Or suck the energy out of them. Or even act outright nasty to them. Then there are those where dealing with other people will make things worse due to untreated trauma. Some people are working their asses off and literally do not have any considerable amount of time for that. Or in my case, where I was in the psych ward and not having time and space to myself actually sent me on a downward spiral (and due to their way of thinking everyone needs the same thing, it took quite a bit to get them to change gears).
Everyone’s situation is different. Otherwise I would be here telling you the only form of therapy that works is a day clinic, and that you shouldn’t take any medication. In my case, it was true, but it very definitely doesn’t apply to everyone.
No, it’s far more than just consistency. There are many people with which a certain individual will not connect with, no matter the consistency.
Like, I get that it worked for you, and you want others to experience it as well. What you don’t appreciate is that this absolutist advice can be downright harmful. If the person hearing this advice is someone who is burnt out from trying to connect, following this advice will only burn them out more. In that case, it needs a closer look to why it’s burning them out, and what other factors may need to be looked at.
It’s one thing to say “this worked for me, and might work for you depending on your situation”, and another to say “this is always the solution, if it hasn’t worked for you yet you haven’t done it enough”. You won’t be able to properly drive a slot head screw with a Philips head screwdriver, no matter how much you try, and the answer there isn’t, “you haven’t tried enough”.
just saying, you can’t solve loneliness without going out and meeting real people. online friends help, but it’s the difference between a partner you can see, hug, do physical stuff together, and an LDR. Our brains need real human contact, an online chat Isn’t the same.
Set aside the incel stuff, if getting out of a depression would be that simple, not nearly as many people would have it. You can be around people and still be lonely. If that worked for you, wonderful. Doesn’t mean it works for everyone. People can get a kind of burn out if they’re helping people and expect nothing in return, spend a lot of energy on those people, but when they themselves need it, no one is there for them. It can be absolutely exhausting and can fuck you up as a person. I’ve seen it happen and it’s happened to me as well.
It was not, in any shape, way, or form, easy.
it takes work. my medications didn’t help at all. tried so many for years. it was a cycle of:
Loneliness causes depression, and depression causes loneliness.
By getting out a bit at a time, I met people, and the more I went out the easier it got. but the first step was fucking hard. But it was as hard as going to a doctor for the first time to ask for help with depression.
Not saying don’t get medicated or reach for a medical professional… just that you should also go out and meet people in activities.
Great that it worked for you, but I’m sorry, just because it worked for you doesn’t mean it works for everyone.
Loneliness is not necessarily cured by seeing people. I’ve had times where I’ve seen close to 50 people I knew in a week and still felt lonely. In fact, there are times I’ve felt less lonely after having had a week alone. It isn’t about contact with people, period, it’s about a connection with people. And that often depends on the people you have around you. You had people that you got into contact with with whom you were able to build a connection with - great! Not everyone has that luxury. Some people have the luck that people around them generally aren’t interested in them. Or suck the energy out of them. Or even act outright nasty to them. Then there are those where dealing with other people will make things worse due to untreated trauma. Some people are working their asses off and literally do not have any considerable amount of time for that. Or in my case, where I was in the psych ward and not having time and space to myself actually sent me on a downward spiral (and due to their way of thinking everyone needs the same thing, it took quite a bit to get them to change gears).
Everyone’s situation is different. Otherwise I would be here telling you the only form of therapy that works is a day clinic, and that you shouldn’t take any medication. In my case, it was true, but it very definitely doesn’t apply to everyone.
Work on your issues, and keep meeting people, the difference between meeting people and connecting with people is consistency.
I was in that awkward stage too the first couple months. now it’s a tight knit community.
it didn’t work for you, yet. keep going.
No, it’s far more than just consistency. There are many people with which a certain individual will not connect with, no matter the consistency.
Like, I get that it worked for you, and you want others to experience it as well. What you don’t appreciate is that this absolutist advice can be downright harmful. If the person hearing this advice is someone who is burnt out from trying to connect, following this advice will only burn them out more. In that case, it needs a closer look to why it’s burning them out, and what other factors may need to be looked at.
It’s one thing to say “this worked for me, and might work for you depending on your situation”, and another to say “this is always the solution, if it hasn’t worked for you yet you haven’t done it enough”. You won’t be able to properly drive a slot head screw with a Philips head screwdriver, no matter how much you try, and the answer there isn’t, “you haven’t tried enough”.
that’s part of therapy and the internal work they must also do.
and “keep trying” is and will always be a much better advice than “don’t keep trying”.
Jfc, I’m not saying “don’t keep trying”. I’m saying “look at what works best for your situation”, ffs. Read what I actually wrote.
just saying, you can’t solve loneliness without going out and meeting real people. online friends help, but it’s the difference between a partner you can see, hug, do physical stuff together, and an LDR. Our brains need real human contact, an online chat Isn’t the same.