The greatest suffering in life, that anyone can experience no matter who they are, is unfulfilled expectations. Girl isn’t interested in you, Weather isn’t what you want. Boss didn’t give you a rise etc.
According to Buddhism solution is to stop expecting things of others, of life, of reality. You can only control yourself, expect of yourself if you must.
Perhaps a bit of an exotic philosophy, but I think it applies here nicely.
Great, you’re nice. Congratz on doing the absolute bare minimum.
Any hobbies she’s interested in as well? Or interesting hobbies in general? Any skill you have other than dislocating your shoulder, like changing the breaks on your car? Are you a Sub and want a Dom but she’s a Sub as well? Are you radiating any sexual energy? Heck some women find tax evasion as sexy as a sixpack.
Nice is the bare minimum. I don’t know why people think its more valuable.
I’m a nice guy, I treat women well by not getting into their lives, and dragging them down.
If a guy says “you fucking bitch” because the girl is not with him he’s not a nice guy
Get over it and do drugs with the rest of us.
I never understood this specific example. Why are people so obsessed with someone that’s already spoken for? It shows such a lack of respect for boundaries.
I’ve run into the type of guy that thinks it’s alright to harass someone because they’re in a relationship with someone they’re interested in, and what makes me sad is how so many see nothing wrong with it.
CATS ARE NOT NICE GUYS
“freindzone” is a self-inflicted wound. Nobody can make you cower in the corner waiting for your “opportunity”. Nobody made you look at friendship with the opposite sex as something that must be suffered so as to be due a reward.
In my case, self inflicted in a different way. I’ve had several people give ample hints but I kept the status quo until they moved on.
freindzone
Is that like the frenemyzone?
Fuck this incel nonsense.
Am ugly and fat, but I’m a nice person, respect everyone (who deserves respect), and I expect everything I do to be non transactional.
I help people because they need help and I can help.
results? built a friend’s group I adore (I literally admire them and sometimes I am still in disbelief that I’m their friend), and have women hit on me, also have a poly thing going on. And I have never had so much and such good sex.
“Nice” means being a good person, if you are nice to be transactional, then that isn’t nice, that’s a red flag… and a good thing women stay away from you.
yes, women can also be transactional, being an asshole is intersectional. but that is a slightly different tangent.
Also, I loathe that because bullshit like this the bar is so painfully low. It genuinely hurts me when a woman gives me a compliment that only reveals how fucking low the bar is. and it is so fucking low. that if you can’t pass it, then that’s on you.
if you want constructive advice, accept that no relationship is transactional. be proactive in socializing, not like going to bars to pick people up, but join active groups for your interests. D&D, political action groups, Mutual aids… attend regularly and before you know it you’ll have a healthy diverse friend group. assume no one is interested in you as a partner unless there’s a bit of flirting. Even if you don’t find a partner in those groups, those people have their own groups. and if they see you as a good person they will recommend you to their single friends. But this is not a guide to get laid. If you do all of this to get laid, you are a horrible person. and hopefully, they will sense it and not put anyone at risk. you do that because you love to [chosen group activity], and want to make friendships. Also, consent means they can say no whenever they want, even after a couple dates and you have to be mature and be like "that’s ok, I wish you well’ and not like “That B[slur]”.
If you are a basement dwelling incel with severe depression from loneliness and severe loniless from depression, you can crawl out of that depression by doing stuff. Joining mutual aids really did that for me, little by little I built a community for myself, and I’m now happy (was chronically depressed for so long I forgot what positive feelings feel like).
I don’t disagree with your post but I’m pretty sure the joke in the meme is the one calling themselves a nice guy is actually an asshole. That’s revealed in the “stop ignoring my DMs” ending. So it’s not actually a pro “nice guy” meme. Which you probably got, but maybe missed it?
This was my reading too. I didn’t take it seriously, it’s just a kinda funny joke, I thought. Especially given that I’ve met a lot of people like that, it hits home. Now I’m kinda worried I’m misreading it though…
If you are a basement dwelling incel with severe depression from loneliness and severe loniless from depression, you can crawl out of that depression by doing stuff.
Set aside the incel stuff, if getting out of a depression would be that simple, not nearly as many people would have it. You can be around people and still be lonely. If that worked for you, wonderful. Doesn’t mean it works for everyone. People can get a kind of burn out if they’re helping people and expect nothing in return, spend a lot of energy on those people, but when they themselves need it, no one is there for them. It can be absolutely exhausting and can fuck you up as a person. I’ve seen it happen and it’s happened to me as well.
It was not, in any shape, way, or form, easy.
it takes work. my medications didn’t help at all. tried so many for years. it was a cycle of:
10 try new medication at lowest dose 20 if side effects GOTO 10 30 rise dose 40 GOTO 20Loneliness causes depression, and depression causes loneliness.
By getting out a bit at a time, I met people, and the more I went out the easier it got. but the first step was fucking hard. But it was as hard as going to a doctor for the first time to ask for help with depression.
Not saying don’t get medicated or reach for a medical professional… just that you should also go out and meet people in activities.
Great that it worked for you, but I’m sorry, just because it worked for you doesn’t mean it works for everyone.
Loneliness is not necessarily cured by seeing people. I’ve had times where I’ve seen close to 50 people I knew in a week and still felt lonely. In fact, there are times I’ve felt less lonely after having had a week alone. It isn’t about contact with people, period, it’s about a connection with people. And that often depends on the people you have around you. You had people that you got into contact with with whom you were able to build a connection with - great! Not everyone has that luxury. Some people have the luck that people around them generally aren’t interested in them. Or suck the energy out of them. Or even act outright nasty to them. Then there are those where dealing with other people will make things worse due to untreated trauma. Some people are working their asses off and literally do not have any considerable amount of time for that. Or in my case, where I was in the psych ward and not having time and space to myself actually sent me on a downward spiral (and due to their way of thinking everyone needs the same thing, it took quite a bit to get them to change gears).
Everyone’s situation is different. Otherwise I would be here telling you the only form of therapy that works is a day clinic, and that you shouldn’t take any medication. In my case, it was true, but it very definitely doesn’t apply to everyone.
Work on your issues, and keep meeting people, the difference between meeting people and connecting with people is consistency.
I was in that awkward stage too the first couple months. now it’s a tight knit community.
it didn’t work for you, yet. keep going.
No, it’s far more than just consistency. There are many people with which a certain individual will not connect with, no matter the consistency.
Like, I get that it worked for you, and you want others to experience it as well. What you don’t appreciate is that this absolutist advice can be downright harmful. If the person hearing this advice is someone who is burnt out from trying to connect, following this advice will only burn them out more. In that case, it needs a closer look to why it’s burning them out, and what other factors may need to be looked at.
It’s one thing to say “this worked for me, and might work for you depending on your situation”, and another to say “this is always the solution, if it hasn’t worked for you yet you haven’t done it enough”. You won’t be able to properly drive a slot head screw with a Philips head screwdriver, no matter how much you try, and the answer there isn’t, “you haven’t tried enough”.
that’s part of therapy and the internal work they must also do.
and “keep trying” is and will always be a much better advice than “don’t keep trying”.
This! I tell young men I come across having trouble the ladies department. Work on the friend part of girlfriend before all else.
Grew up in Europe, live in the US right now. even though it’s the same problem, it’s so much worse here. The fuck is wrong with parents? they socialize girls to be social, but men to be a cavemen stereotype?
Met so many men here that date to get a mother they can fuck. for them dating is just a farce to trick women for sex/caring role. Some consider washing their ass a gay thing. Jules Verne’s Journey to the centre of the earth to find the bar???
And you know what? imma pull a misogyny and blame mothers as well, because men here barely rise their children, it isn’t a 50/50, many fathers are just another older child for the mother to take care of. Even if she works as well. Because yhea, the dad should have been an adult too, but the mothers did raise the girls and boys differently. Do they project the spite for the husband into the boys???
yhea, there are many male adults here who are great people, but part of them being mature is that they also acknowledge that they were brought up to be assholes and they did a lot of internal work to grow. And them existing does not disprove that there is a systemic generational problem.
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Pretty Guy: Does basically nothing and women fall all over him
Nice Guy: Becomes a phrenologist in response
Always worth remembering that the OG Incel was a woman blogging about how desperate she was to lose her virginity.
Lonely guys always make everything about themselves, even the term incel.
Always worth remembering that the OG Incel was a woman blogging about how desperate she was to lose her virginity.
That’s very unfair. She set up a forum, and by all accounts it was pretty decent. Mostly just people helping each other out, men and women.
She set up a forum, and by all accounts it was pretty decent.
No doubt. I’m not casting dispersion on her. But men screaming “Why won’t anyone fuck me?!” today, having trampled over a woman with the exact same complaint is deeply ironic.
When you get under the hood of a lot of modern incel culture (particularly, but not exclusively, male incel culture) the underlying complaint tends isn’t inceldom nearly so much as it is that porn stars won’t fuck them (for free) and people with anime anatomy aren’t real.
That’s so far afield of the original desire for romantic companionship that made up the seed of the community. And it is driven, in large part, by the commoditization of romance through the same Big Tech and digital marketing companies that promote porn and other unrealistic expectations of beauty.
If you were casting dispersion on her, what exactly would it be composed of? 🤨
Ceramics mostly
What’s the source on this?
How dare this mindless automaton behave like a real person!
Pupils large. The cat is fantasizing about murder.
So just regular cat stuff.
sigh why are members of the femoid species like this?
“Nice guy”
not even nice to themselves
I know I’m in the shitposting community but here’s story time for anyone who needs it (myself included probably and this may not be be super coherent as I’m still processing and getting over the breakup, or the incident as I like to call it, a year later )
This is also a loose connection of the thoughts so there’s probably a coherent idea in here somewhere
But when I entered college I was trying to make some friends as my highschool buddies moved outta state (we still communicate and game over discord) but there’s this one girl and the only reason we became friends is we shared the first year seminar and an English class.
Fast forward a bit and she asks me out and I take about a half a week to ponder (foreshadowing what I would call a snails pace in our relationship but frankly that an insult to the speed of snails)
And she’s definitely had her fair share of some traumatic relationships which with some other mental stuff she didn’t always want physical contact and sometimes she was… paranoid isn’t the right word, but I absolutely poured my heart into this relationship because after all these years I finally got a gf so I definitely had some rose tinted glasses on some her trauma responses such as calling my affection love dumping (she said it was a manipulation tactic used basically as “I’m sorry I’m sorry I love you so much” and she saw it as that)
Anyways there’s so much more but all in all I’m happy it happened but in retrospect and only in retrospect I’m glad it’s over
But I believe the right one is out there somewhere and it’s a matter of looking and finding someone who matches my weird
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For sure
And I kinda walked away and came back to this several times but like I said, my take away is I’m happy it happened cus I learned stuff about myself (need those hugs and snuggles) but also what I want in a partner: someone who can help me (she didn’t do it that often tho), play games with and be a goober, someone who respects my needs but also communicates theirs, mostly that’s in the context of getting physical where after two years I didn’t get to second base (unless you consider me putting my head on her lap and falling sleep, best shit ever)
But am I sad I never got super physical beyond smooching and snuggles, yeah sorta, but at the same time I view sex and getting handsy as a physical way for you and your partner ti feel great, essentially share a moment together that’s good for all parties involved. But if she can break up with me a week before Valentine’s Day yeah she doesn’t meet the criteria then
But back to your point 100%, the future Mrs. FlipFlop is out there and it’s just a matter of searching and trial and error and error probably. But for me I’m almsot outta college and I’ll probably turn it into a more active search
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You’ve put into words what I’ve processing between self reflection and talking with some buddies so tysm. But yeah I did sort of ghost her (she knew this was a possibility when we spoke last as she wanted to be friends but I needed to go over some stuff in my head) as things just got too complex I figured it would be best
And yeah she was the one who asked me out (tbh did and still does wonders for my self confidence) but like I said after I’m done with my studies it’s gonna a much more active effort than hoping a friend makes the first move on me
