I try to use gender neutral language in general until I know better. I will use they/them by default, and use collective words like “folks” that don’t indicate gender. This only ever pisses off bigots.
“partner” is such a perfect term too. It means exactly what the person is whether you’ve been too broke to marry, have strong opinions about marriage, can’t marry, been married for decades, will get married at some point, don’t feel like going through the hassle of marriage, aren’t ready to marry etc. about the only time “partner” doesn’t fit is when it isn’t a committed relationship or stuff is completely on the rocks/falling apart
Like, I adore my wife and family and there’s something special about specifically getting yo call your partner your wife/husband, so I’ll use primarily gendered language for my household, but everyone else I’ll generally default to gender neutral language (and “partner” for folks partners because I dont know everyone’s marriage/relationship status) and nobody seems to even notice (it’s almost like pronouns are just part of the English language and not inherently political!)
I recently met a group of people who are close friends with my close friend, and the majority of them did not identify with the pronouns I’m accustomed to assigning based on sight/presentation. And it was challenging to give the level of respect I wanted to, because habits are strong.
I’ve met transpeople numerous times in the past, but they all identified one way or another, so that was pretty easy to respect. NB/agender is MUCH harder to get used to. So I think thats going to be my new holy grail; treat everyone as a default human until they tell me they prefer something else.
Yeah, in my experience most people accept that you simply try.
I’m in my 30s, I grew up in a small town where people were just not exposed to things. I won’t be perfect by default, but I promise I’ll try my best to use your pronouns.
I think the idea of people raging about it is a right wing straw man — or just purposeful harassing someone until they get mad that you’re obviously trying to harass them.
I try to use gender neutral language in general until I know better. I will use they/them by default, and use collective words like “folks” that don’t indicate gender. This only ever pisses off bigots.
I call my spouse my partner for similar reasons.
If it helps normalize it then at least I’m doing something incredibly small to help people who might face discrimination.
“partner” is such a perfect term too. It means exactly what the person is whether you’ve been too broke to marry, have strong opinions about marriage, can’t marry, been married for decades, will get married at some point, don’t feel like going through the hassle of marriage, aren’t ready to marry etc. about the only time “partner” doesn’t fit is when it isn’t a committed relationship or stuff is completely on the rocks/falling apart
Like, I adore my wife and family and there’s something special about specifically getting yo call your partner your wife/husband, so I’ll use primarily gendered language for my household, but everyone else I’ll generally default to gender neutral language (and “partner” for folks partners because I dont know everyone’s marriage/relationship status) and nobody seems to even notice (it’s almost like pronouns are just part of the English language and not inherently political!)
That’s how I feel too.
When I know people/they know her she’s my wife, but for strangers/coworkers/acquaintances I use partner.
It would feel bizarre talking about her to people who know her and not use her pronouns. But if I don’t have to share that I don’t.
I think I might start trying to do this.
I recently met a group of people who are close friends with my close friend, and the majority of them did not identify with the pronouns I’m accustomed to assigning based on sight/presentation. And it was challenging to give the level of respect I wanted to, because habits are strong.
I’ve met transpeople numerous times in the past, but they all identified one way or another, so that was pretty easy to respect. NB/agender is MUCH harder to get used to. So I think thats going to be my new holy grail; treat everyone as a default human until they tell me they prefer something else.
Yeah, in my experience most people accept that you simply try.
I’m in my 30s, I grew up in a small town where people were just not exposed to things. I won’t be perfect by default, but I promise I’ll try my best to use your pronouns.
I think the idea of people raging about it is a right wing straw man — or just purposeful harassing someone until they get mad that you’re obviously trying to harass them.