I’ve felt rancor and bitterness towards most of my surroundings for all of recent memory and have now realized that it’s starting to affect my relationship (im growing impatient, ready to fly off the handle, a little defensive) and i feel like im in some way broken or “unfit” for a relationship. Very important to mention that i forgot to take my meds for an extended period and now they are virtuslly useless bbecause im a dimwit and am unable to properly remind myself of my fairly important emotional stability pills; This lack of pharmaceutical support (all a byproduct of my own actions) i think also plays a very big role in my current situation.
How do i not lash out or ruin my relationship with my partner because of my general unhappiness and, for lack of a better term, hate for and towards everyone else around me
Studies have shown that eating raw fruit and veg improves mental health and reduces stress levels: https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00487/full
omg rlly?? that’s actually friggin awesome, i’ll buy much more fruit then
I can’t give you adviae related to mental health conditions or anything, but here are aome thoughts on anger in general.
Anger is an energetic feeling. What you need is an outlet for that anger, you need to do something. Because the source of your anger is political, it can be a great source of energy to do political work (done in a measured manner) like organizing, agitating, or reading tough-to-read theory. A healthy amount of exercise is also a great outlet and will objectively make you a more capable revolutionary because it imprives your health, energy, and mood.
Anger, like many emotions, can be a component of ruminating thoughts. You also need an outlet for those thoughts. That can be something like political writing related to an issue or other agitprop, journaling for yourself, art, or venting and dark humor with a comerade. However, if you are still stuck no matter what and feel like the thought isn’t progressing, don’t feed it by giving it undue attention.
This is sound and solid advice, comrade. 🫡
the main problem is that most of my outlets are in some way self-destructive, so i’ll have to unlearn those
In general, I maintain revolutionary optimism. It doesn’t work like a magic pill, I get upset and angry sometimes, but understanding the general progressive arc of history we are on helps keep me grounded.
ooo ic, i havent thought of it that way. I’ll take up your advice then
i’ve struggled with this since i was a young girl plagued with awareness but not enough to understand there was a tangible and feasible solution. but i’ve learnt throughout the years (even those where i thought it was entirely hopeless) to let myself turn my brain off through watching (not shortform content or reels or things with nonsense algorithms or exposing myself to stupid social media) comforting media/shows/youtube vids (again whatever platforms i use i control by being very selective with what i watch rather than hoping just to use recommended), looking back with love at old photos of myself and those i care about (i’ve started to sort of worship this old baby photo and it makes me love myself), writing, drawing, and just remembering it’s okay to suppress most of those emotions when i don’t have a productive outlet. i sequester them away and i comfort myself with telling myself endless burning rage without a valid target just eats me alive, and i’m meant to be the fuel to something more important rather than letting myself die so quickly. sometimes you can let yourself forget. you need time for yourself.
thank you for the advice! ^^ i definitely need some time for myself
I let it out on the imperialists from .world. (but the cowards block us so I use my lemmy.ml account)
Same
ooo that might be a good idea
i already try directinng all my hate towards imperialists online but i feel like the more i let myself hate, the more i keep lashing out. So im a little worried about letting myself hate fully
being angry with the crappy state of the things right now is normal, but sometimes you’ll need to get into fun things you like to feel better, or you’ll be too burned to live
i agree: the problem is that i feel that i might be ruining the fun things for myself by just being a bitter person
Unfortunately i feel like i have some kind of derealization & depersonalization disorder and i just don’t feel rage, anger or much of any feeling at all.
My greatest struggle is that positive and negative feelings alike are not good enough motivators for anything. Simple things like going to the gym or having a hobby or even just seeing friends regularly, none of these give me motivation to do them and i merely do it because of logic and it being healthy or whatever.
You know the calculation your brain does automatically in order to figure out if something is worth doing? It is never worth for me. There were times where staring at a wall and hanging out with my friends who love me had the same exact emotional impact, with staring at the wall having significantly less of a cost.
That is also why i refuse to be described as a socialist, communist or be called comrade. I do not have any revolutionary spirit within me and can not be relied on for revolutionary work.
My lack of emotional response makes me, ironically, sad (no idea how that works tbh…) and i cannot help, but to covet the rage that you are struggling with.
I feel annoyed at homeless people asking me for something rather than sad or rage at their situation or even happy being able to help a little. I logically understand their situation and was even homless myself (not for years mind you) and i still only feel a little annoyance before i wrestle my brain into giving them some money or an old blanket. I never feel good afterwards though and have to fight my mind into not avoiding these people.
I try to be a good person, but have little motivation to be one. Luckily i have a similar lack of motivation to do bad things too, so i remain an apathetic grey blob.
“Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.”
“Zen isn’t thinking about Zen while peeling potatoes. Zen is just peeling the potatoes.”
I want to encourage you. In my early thirties, I went through a few years where nothing had color, flavor, anything. It lasted maybe three years or so. This was a couple of decades before learning about Jung/the shadow, attachment styles and how these subjects interact. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other. One day I just woke up happy. I was so relieved. I hope the same for you, comrade. ❤️
during covid i felt like this: i am unsure as to how i could help you, since i dont remember how i actually managed to get out of it.
I think that it’s good that you still in some way force yourself to do things like going out with friends, but the problem could be a chemical imbalance and (if you have the resources: aka dont live in the us) i suggest seeking professional help. Meds can really help alot, but you’ll have to give them time to act. They unfortunately take a fairly long time to actually have a noticeable effect
I am in the netherlands and have had professional help, but they couldn’t figure it out either and eventually we dropped the case with no further instructions.
I am, however, taking bupropion and that has helped somewhat and stimulants for my ADHD which help greatly for doing things even if my mind is not motivated.
I have had this problem for at least a decade though and maybe even since birth, so i am unsure if i can be helped.
Glad you were able to get out of that hole though.
i understand, i hope you eventually manage to get out of the hole too ^^
❤️ I see my comrades having struggles and encouraging others who also struggle. This is incredibly encouraging and heart warming. Thank you, Comrade.
Rage is not the problem. Rage is a healthy emotional response to the state of things today. We are being exploited and abused and forced to watch children be murdered while being coerced into upholding the system that produces the weapons used for genocide.
The issue is that you don’t have an outlet for the rage. You need to find something that helps you feel like you are fighting back.
I put my rage into my garden. I tell myself I am training so that when the guerilla war comes I’m can make sure my comrades have food. It isn’t enough but it is what I can do in the place I am at. I’m still an angry fuck but it helps.
i do try to direct my wrath into constructive things but none of the things i do are actually “helping” with the problem?
Like i write poetry/prose, whittle, like making constructed languages, linguistics and learning languages; none of these hobbies can be said to be useful for undermining the current state and helping my fellow comrades. Maybe i could focus on theory as best i can so i can divulge information in the languages i do know, but right now my main impulse to cope is to steal randomly from people i dont consider deserving and scarfing down a fuck ton of food
I think the main problem for me not being able to dedicate myself to other things is because i basically am not taking my meds because i forgot about them for a while and worry about side effects if i start again (might completely fuck me up for a bit) and i have to tell my doctors. Not saying the meds are magic and will fix everything, but they help me actually do constructive stuff instead of impulse
I would definitely talk to your doctors before resuming meds, especially if you started on lower doses than you were taking before you forgot them.
yeah, i used to take 100mg, going back to 100mg needs some “easing in” so if i just start taking them again i might worsen everything
Yeah. Be safe.
I have been listening to the Psychic Militancy program and its kinda helpful hearing comrades talk it out.
upholding the system that produces the weapons used for genocide.
Good news, “produces” should be past tense.
I am blursed with a lack of wrath
XD i kinda wish i had your inability to feel wrath lol
I was in a very similar position that you’re in. I lost a lot of who I thought were close friends during that time, but to be honest I’m glad I parted ways with them as I feel I outgrew them politically / consciously.
My partner also had to deal with my bullshit on a regular basis, I’d read the news or see a beheaded child on my feed, and it would make me spiral for the rest of the day, picking fights, shouting, I will say that was probably the lowest point in my life.
I always felt I had to witness the atrocities, like I had to carry the weight of the martyrs, me being a witness meant their lives weren’t just a statistic.
After a year and a half of that I realized how broken I became, I was mad at everyone and everything all the time. My wonderful partner didn’t have to stay with me yet she did, which I’ll always be grateful for.
The best thing I did for myself was deleting social media / extremely limiting what I consumed. I still have these episodes, but I have gotten to the point I can realize what I am doing before I act on what I’m thinking.
🫂
my partner helped me with deleting all my socials (except for the ones strictly necessary for daily work/studies) and i cannot be more glad. I am definitely not in he right headspace to see the victims of the state and i have a turbulent history with s/h and suicidal ideation so it’s best that i dont see the worst that the modern world has to offer.
I used to feel that i “had to” see all the news because then “their lives would have been for naught” but i also have to protect myself from, well, myself.
Im glad you’re feeling better, my partner is also a saint and i have no idea how i managed to get such a wonderful human being to stay around me
🫂
my surroundings
ESCAPE NOW
wdym?
What are her feelings on Viet Nam and Russia assuming this is longterm 🥺
actually wait a sec, so i write a post about how i fear that my rage towards the oppresive forces that surround me is bleeding through and makes me feel like i might be ruining my relationships, and your response is to speculate on my partner’s political interests & subtly hint that my relationship wont last (with the utilizing of the proposition “assuming this is longterm”, you underhandedly imply that it wont be longterm, else you wouldnt feel the need to specify this detail.)?
I don’t need your judgement, i asked for advice. If you have nothing actually constructive to say, kindly shut up.
Wait what I meant you should flee the country together
Those are like the only countries it’s even ethical and feasible to move to.
I guess there is kind of my own brutal logic that I couldn’t remain in America and have a happy relationship with a liberal embedded in there. But that wasn’t my intended message at all. It was seriously just asking, do you think ditching the whole environment together is feasible?
I’m not like super amazed by Russia it’s just not RUINOUS for the next generation there, so you’re not just like, exploiting the population as an asset-laden expat. You’d need to have a career set up and shit. I’m just saying buying a condo or something is unimaginably cheap versus US property market. Which is unstable and based on blood money anyways. Do you get my reasoning? It is a pretty hard break from most people’s priorities so I figured I’d ask before potentially offering one (maybe completely unlikely) solution. Besides not everyone even WANTS a long-term relationship. IDGAF if they do or don’t, I guess I’m glad to see someone else so violently committed to their relationship. That’s dope
I honestly hoped by coming back on the English non-coder/market related internet I could convince someone to do it lol the idea of based internet ppl headed into such a dubious retirement situation makes me kinda get a knot in my stomach. This probably sounds ridiculous 😭 but I have noticed a lot of people’s relatives are hopelessly chuddy & make them unhappy. They could instead be plaintively begging them to fly back across the Pacific before they are 6 feet under 😀
what does that have to do with the topic at hand though
A change from a hostile to a more friendly or at least neutral environment may be more conducive to good mental health and hygiene.
Years of being told to suppress our feelings. See that twitch in my eye? We’re all Chief Inspector Dreyfus on the inside.
this is my hottest take. i believe that a lot of „emotional self regulation” is just suppression
I’d have to ask what your experience is with suppression of emotions. Because in my experience, emotional suppression can masquerade as healthy regulation some of the time, but it’s going to boil over eventually and the person will go off on somebody. The aim of healthy emotional regulation, as I understand it anyway, is not to suppress emotions nor to go off at the slightest thing (neither extreme), but to find ways to deal with emotions that allows you to channel them and process them. The person who lets stuff build up and build up, and then finally pops off on someone who isn’t even the main source of the upset is also dysregulating, but it’s less visible and more infrequent a consequence than the person who loses their temper at the drop of a hat; the first one is more associated with fawning / people pleasing and the second more associated with being controlling or “sensitive” either one. Sometimes the two are combined as a dynamic, with the fawning person burying their feelings to “please” the person who is constantly going off. I think this is where some codependent relationships derive from. Not to be confused with interdependence, where people are mutually uplifting each other as their whole selves.
if u make me angry i bonk u but if youre nice i will be your frend
i think that self regulation as purported by the mainstream is ultimately just “let the 1% fuck you over cuz honor and coolness”, and should be called out and those which perpetuate it should have a talking to if they dont know any better, or hanged from their feet if they are purposefully passifying our populace.
I do think actual healthy emotional regulation exists, but the state wont be the one that will teach you about it. (healthy emotional regulation as in actually letting yourself feel shit instead of the whole “turn the other cheek, anger is a sin” bullshit the theocrats and imperialist scum try to convince us with.)
not to get white boy in kimono with it but meditation
i actually adore this img so much
also yeah, i have to tell my docs abt the meds XD
Recognize that lashing out at your partner is exactly the type of behavior that the society you are so upset with has trained into you so that you a) don’t spend that energy disrupting the system and b) do spend that energy acting as an agent of the evil society by doing violence to innocent people in ways that cause them to disengage from the work of fixing society
i dont actively lash out but i worry that ill end up hurting him some day, and it terrifies me.
Also, i didnt think about this as a possible cause of it. thank you ^^
Some brief thoughts:
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Identify the causes: for example, in your case (forgive my peeking at profile) you are on the autism spectrum, so sensory processing issues could be a factor in irritation and mood strain. Working out ways to help you get space when you need it or things like that, may help.
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Try things like breathing techniques
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Be kind to yourself! I see some mean self-talk going on. Sometimes rage turns inward which ends up exacerbating dysregulation. What does it mean to be kind to yourself? Looking after your needs, advocating for them (asking for help where needed), having reasonable expectations of yourself (individualism tends to have us expecting too much).
dont feel bad about peeking at my profile, i put it there for the world to see ^^ also, it could be very likely something caused by my neurodivergence and subsequent inability to understand some societal problems or just feeling unheard and oppressed by the masses. I have been having a little difficulties with being kind to myself recently, my partner helps me alot with it because he’s actually an angel and i adore him too much
Nice bubble bath/Epsom salt soak with low lighting/candles, some nice smelling essential oil? I need that, myself, but I have to see if I can afford it after bills/necessities.
i dont have bills to pay yet, so i could enjoy that while i can
I hope you find it restorative.
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