I look back on friends I had, they were always special. Special in a duals sense: Different than “others”, rather easy to communicate with and much cooler. They had a tendency to not proper express themself to others, were made fun of and seen as “not normal”. However they were always special to me in the sense of special cool, like overlooked gems. Not easy to describe.
I had a coworker, who was like that. He was seen as weird, bad in expression, communication and maybe slower in thinking. Yeah he was made fun of, however only I manage to deal with him and it was actually the opposite. They way of communication was simply different and way more easy going, concrete and without the need to look out which expression something on the face makes if you say something. The process of thinking was rather better and faster, you just needed to include more relevant information and discard unimportant. It was such a dream to describe something with fewer words and he could understand complex abstractions (Work in IT, programming included). Also I was able to understand what he thinks, why and what he means. The same also for him, I was never so easily understood. I liked him a lot and he was easily amazed if I showed cool stuff, concepts or ways to do something. He was absolutely misunderstood. He was not slow in thinking, he was fast. I also need more time if I am not provided with enough information about a topic or rather say with unimportant.
Or an other one I was befriended for a longer time. Weird for others, but actually not in my eyes. Explaining and telling a lot with fewer words, without looking for facial expressions and gestures. Just a dream. Shared interests were IT as well, but also Marxism. His ability to abstract were also superb. Enjoyed a lot to talk with. Friendship ended after long time in an agreement (“Looking now I think it doesn’t make sense to continue this”, which I could only agree).
However I rarely had other friends like such kind of people. I feel some kind of “kinship” to them in the sense, that they are “normal” people I can actually communicate and befriend. However others are exhausting. I have to look way to much for context if I saying something, can it be understood maybe in a unfriendly way, because I don’t invest enough in my facial expression. So much to look for and if rarely befriend one lightly, it doesn’t hold long. Because there is a certain difference, which makes it exhausting for me and I feel like I am misunderstood.
My partner is not like that, we are together for 15 years soon and after so much time living together my partner understands me perfectly of course. But I am being told here and there, that I am maybe seen odd and actually if one of they friends visits us, my partner intercepts sometimes to describe what I want to say. I’m glad that this happens but to be honest in my opinion I say everything the right way.
This special people are special awesome and special cool. But it feels like they are not common and sadly rarely find one in my environment. Right now I have no friends, only my partner and my pigeons. The pigeons are also easy to talk with, same as my partner. However a friend would be nice. Does someone know what kind of folks this cool people are? Where to find them? Or am I missing something. “Special” can be sound negatively I can imagine, but I think it is positive. Like special weapon, special agent etc. I mean it positive. You are free to correct me
me and my partner are autistic and ppl call us weird or bad at communicating. The reality is that i feel like my partner is the only person that can actually communicate clearly. you and your friend alike sound like you may be neurodivergent
when you find those of the gender u like u like them so much u sign a contract u will take care of each other forever (marriage)
autism
Are they special? Never met one
me when someone tells me to be normal
It sounds like you and your friend are neurodivergent.
I have no real clue what this actually means, despite hearing it sometimes. I understand it simply as an slightly different way of processing stuff in your brain. Nothing bad, just different
You’ve got the right idea of it. Neurodivergent is typically used in relation to ADHD or ASD (autism spectrum), as a way of reframing them more as a difference in the way the brain processes things, rather than being seen as a disorder, in the connotation of pathology and maladaption. Autism in particular has often been stigmatized and framed as a defect, but the current day “spectrum” understanding of it shows there are lots of people who you wouldn’t even guess are on the autism spectrum and lead healthy enough, “high functioning” lives.
That said, sometimes there is controversy over the term neurodivergent (not here specifically, but I’ve seen it on occasion online). The main counterargument being that it can be seen as trivializing the debilitating aspects of ADHD or ASD by framing them as simply a cognitive difference, rather than something that has obvious negative side effects.
Personally, I think the truth is some of both. That ADHD and ASD do have documented negative aspects to them that make life harder for the person who has them; masking" is one of the ways people cope with this, by learning to present as “neurotypical” and this is one reason you wouldn’t necessarily guess a person has it. But also that they do come with cognitive differences and are not only maladaption or disorder. Some of it comes down to calling into question what counts as “neurotypical” in the first place and why. After all, “neurotypical” people are not without struggles themselves.
Neurodivergence and neurodiversity are an umbrella term for far more neurological differences including dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, tourettes and bipolar amongst others. Just as an FYI and not to put the rest of what you said down.
Fair enough. Was not aware of that.
Very reliable, I am neurodivergent with ADHD. I have terrible communicating and have been told I think differently. I also went to speech therapy because of it.
What do you learn in speech therapy? How to say something? I know only something like speech therapy, where one has problems to literally to say a word “right”. As example having underdeveloped muscles somewhere in the mouth
It was to say R correctly and also to learn social skills. One thing one therapist wanted me to raise my voice as I am quiet (and I more back then), but I was too embarrassed to do so. With saying R, I had to learn to say words with R going from easy to hard and do tongue exercises. When it comes to social skills, I don’t really learn that much, one talked about ways to talk to people and the different levels of friendship which was shown in a pyramid.
I took it through elementary school where I had my class interrupted and then later privately with the last time being a few years. I didn’t think it work as ultimately saying R correctly and having social skills is about being able to do it on your own.
I think I have the exact same with my friend group from my hometown. We are all a bit special lol. I myself am on the spectrum and struggle to articulate why I do what I do. Most people don’t fully understand me and might think I’m a bit odd.
With my friends though I never have to explain myself. They simply do not ask me to and accept me for who I am. And vice versa. If I start some weird side quest shit in my life they are like ‘Okay go ahead’. From the second I met them (the group existed before me) they adopted me without problems.
We have all been through very high peaks and very deep lows together and I feel like we understand each other perfectly. We have all gone our ways but regularly meet up and it’s as if we never went away.
I struggle with making new friends. Most people often bore me as pretentious as that sounds. I never feel bothered to go through all these socially constructed hoops when meeting new people. I don’t want to mask every time I meet someone. Let me be who I want to be. But a lot of people struggle with handling that and they start acting all awkward.
So yes I share your question: where are these people? The odd balls of this world? Because I too want to meet more of them.
