“Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder characterized by symptoms of anxiety in situations where the person perceives their environment to be unsafe with no way to escape. These situations can include public transit, shopping centers, crowds and queues, or simply being outside their home on their own.”
Do you work from home?
I run an online jewelry shop on Insta. But my parents and husband are the ones who bring the real bread home.
Did you meet your husband before the agoraphobia? If not, how did you meet and date?
No, after. I met him online in 2021. The dates were exclusively him coming over to my house.
Was that Covid that triggered this 5 years ago, or something else?
Yes, it was indeed the lockdown that triggered this severe form. I’ve always suffered from it, but that was the cherry on top.
Good catch. I’m not agoraphobic, but I have definitely never returned to pre-covid levels of leaving the house/socializing. I used to go out to socialize a few times a week, and left the house every day. Now it’s a few times a month at that.
I wouldn’t categorize myself as agorophobic, as I DO enjoy my time spent outside as long as I’m not in crowds or socializing with more than a handful of people, but it definitely got worse after covid.
Home is where what little stuff I do have is, and there’s nobody there that I dislike or dislikes me. Outside is increasingly hostile for humans with climate change, and the likelihood that I might get shot over my political stances because a neighbor thinks I might have different political views has never been higher.
So yeah, I don’t go out as much either and covid was definitely the tipping point of “I don’t go out much anymore”
Does it work out? Like are you somewhat okay as you can be inside at all times?
Good luck BTW!
I’m actually quite happy. I have everything I want and need on the property. I’m not alone either. So it’s quite good.
Do you think about what clothes to wear for a day or do you just throw on whatever is lying around?
Dressing up is one of my favorite past-times. So yes, I do. Thanks online shopping and having people around to send shopping for things not available online. ::)
Thanks for the ama, I’m glad to read you’re otherwise happy with life—couple of questions coming from my ignorance on the subject:
Are there other areas you regard as safe other than your immediate location? Family homes or something? Obviously travel between them would be stressful, and probably something you’d not want to do on a regular basis
I’m also curious if this is something that varies over time, and if you see a future where it doesn’t bother you so much? Are there things that you can do to work on the phobia or is it a concrete thing? Is working on it something you would even want to do?
I feel safe in my immediate surroundings, which is why I’m able to go outside on my property. I get no anxiety. Besides that, no, not really. Well, before 2020 it used to be bad only in crowded public places (stores, restaurants, malls, etc.), then the lockdowns hit and it took me over completely. So who knows, maybe one day it’ll change. I’ve tried seeing a therapist / psychologist / psychiatrist, but nothing has worked. So for now I’ve given up on finding a fix and just enjoying life as it is.
Fair play! Life is for enjoying, if you’re happy as you are, that’s the main thing!
Do you have people come and visit, host parties, or do other social activities at home?
Yes, I actually live a very social life. Since people know I’m always home, the house has become quite the hotspot.
Awesome!
Funny I also have agoraphobia and never even considered doing that. Then again I don’t really know anyone besides my spouse, who I met on MySpace a long time ago.
Are you meeting strangers online and telling them to come over?
Do you not find interaction with people exhausting? Could be that I have basically been at home for decades besides medical appointments.
I have my friends and my husband’s friends and their extended circles and so on… that’s how I make new friends mostly. Not really. Even though I have anxiety, I’m not necessarily an introvert, which is a bit peculiar.
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I often feel as though I’m at risk of developing agoraphobia. I’m always aware of every person, car, moving object, sound, light source, and so on. I often come home exhausted from tracking all of this, and sometimes return home earlier than intended because too many innocuous things are making me nervous.
Does the experience described above echo your own? Was there a memorable point in time when you decided that you would commit to a lifestyle that would avoid these triggers, or did you come to a realisation one day that you hadn’t gone out in a very long time?
I did experience that. But the lockdown was the major trigger for me that generalized the anxiety. Guess I just never left the lockdown.
Lockdown was the first time in decades with agoraphobia that I felt like I fit in with society. For once people weren’t expecting me to leave the house. You got free stuff for staying home. Grocery delivery and telemedicine took off and became normal. Society praised me and everyone was doing it.
Since I was already staying home covid to me was actually an improvement in quality of life.
Hmm, my only frame of reference for agoraphobia is from a detective series called Monk (referring to Monk’s brother, Ambrose).
Have you watched Monk? If you have, and have seen the episode that Ambrose is introduced, do you think the show’s depiction of agoraphobia accurate?
If you haven’t and like detective series, maybe you could try Monk? I liked it.
I’m gonna admit I haven’t watched any shows or movies that portray agoraphobia, but I’ll write this down!
I’d like to second the suggestion of Monk. It’s just a pretty decent show on its own but Tony Shalhoub really just makes the show excellent.
How do you navigate important milestone events like weddings, graduations, funerals, etc?
Depends on how important they are. My close friends and family are very understanding & they come over to celebrate privately before/after. If they’re not close friends or family, I don’t bother.
How do you think you would deal with agoraphobia if you didn’t have your current financial/living situation (e.g. a personal pool, tennis court, volleyball court, professionals who make house calls, a husband and parents who support you, etc)?
Have you done any therapy for your condition?
Are there activities with which you compensate this? What do you do for fun?
Basically all kinds of activities that can be done indoors/outdoors on a private properly. Now that it’s summer I really love the pool. I love working out and sports (tennis, volleyball, basketball, yoga…). Reading, watching stuff, cooking/baking… there’s no lack of activities.
You have a tennis/basketball/volleyball court on your property?
Indeed. The advantage of living outside the big city is lots of land available. :) but of course it also means a longer commute to work / errands in the city…
Wow, well, with such a property at your disposal that doesn’t sound as bad as it first did.
I hope this isn’t insensitive, please don’t feel like you have to answer if you don’t feel comfortable. I’m wondering what symptoms you would experience if you had to go out and run errands for a few hours. Do you experience a physical reaction or is it mostly an emotional reaction?
I’ve suffered from anxiety attacks where I feel tightness in my chest and difficulty breathing, racing thoughts, etc. Is it anything like that?
I’m glad you have what sounds like an amazing support system at home!
How do you do for the trash?
After hitting post I realized the title is a bit… not fully accurate. I do go outside, but stay on the property. I also leave the property for absolutely essential things (medical stuff specifically). As for the trash, I live with my husband (whom I met online in 2021 post-recluse actually), his son & my parents. There’s enough people to help out, hahaha.
That’s nice you have people who help! I had indeed assumed you couldn’t go to medical appointments, like someone I know, but I’m relieved you can :)
How do you maintain friendships and family connections?
Ok, here’s my question for an agoraphobe.
Let’s say we one day decide to build a space colony, but it’s sort of a one-way trip since the lower gravity would acclimatize your body in such a way that it would be difficult to ever return to Earth after several years on the Moon/Mars/wherever. And you would most likely live in an underground habitat where you would maybe make the occasional trip up to the surface to walk around outside, but it would be a hassle since you’d have to get all suited up. So most of the time you would be just chilling in your man cave or what have you.
As an agoraphobe, would you make the ideal pioneer on such a frontier?
