A bit of an ask I’m throwing out there before I go to bed, but I need some advice so…

I’ve always had low levels of neurotransmitters, basically, when I’m unmedicated, I go into states of moderately decreased mental activity that used to express itself as depression. Since I’ve gotten a better understanding on it I have noticed when it’s (A) Going to happen and (B) How much it is crippling my ability to function properly.

Essentially I become a barely functional brick, just kinda sit there and stare off for long periods, and at work I make a ton more mistakes and just generally perform worse, and I also can’t work on my hobbies as my art is noticeably worse and the motivation isn’t there. It’s like depression just without the emotional component. And the worst part is knowing what’s going on, but it takes almost 5 minutes longer to get the answers correct when it would usually hit me instantly.

Because america is america and I am unfortunately amer ican, my access to medication has been cut off for quite some time now. And since the medication I used to take wears off fully after a few years, I’ve began to notice the full brunt of those depressive episodes again.

Since I have the ability to predict, know I’m in, and understand the disorder, what are some reasonable ways to prop myself up when it hits. My focus is basically 0 when it gets its worse so the best kind of crutch would be something that doesn’t require my full attention, but I can understand why such a thing might not exist, I just need something to do that isn’t just sitting blankly with all my motivation getting sucked out when I want and need it the most, or something that can help me sharpen my mind when it’s the most blunt.