A bit of an ask I’m throwing out there before I go to bed, but I need some advice so…
I’ve always had low levels of neurotransmitters, basically, when I’m unmedicated, I go into states of moderately decreased mental activity that used to express itself as depression. Since I’ve gotten a better understanding on it I have noticed when it’s (A) Going to happen and (B) How much it is crippling my ability to function properly.
Essentially I become a barely functional brick, just kinda sit there and stare off for long periods, and at work I make a ton more mistakes and just generally perform worse, and I also can’t work on my hobbies as my art is noticeably worse and the motivation isn’t there. It’s like depression just without the emotional component. And the worst part is knowing what’s going on, but it takes almost 5 minutes longer to get the answers correct when it would usually hit me instantly.
Because america is america and I am unfortunately amer ican, my access to medication has been cut off for quite some time now. And since the medication I used to take wears off fully after a few years, I’ve began to notice the full brunt of those depressive episodes again.
Since I have the ability to predict, know I’m in, and understand the disorder, what are some reasonable ways to prop myself up when it hits. My focus is basically 0 when it gets its worse so the best kind of crutch would be something that doesn’t require my full attention, but I can understand why such a thing might not exist, I just need something to do that isn’t just sitting blankly with all my motivation getting sucked out when I want and need it the most, or something that can help me sharpen my mind when it’s the most blunt.
If you don’t have access to medication, the only thing I can think of is exercise. When you feel an episode coming on, perhaps it’s possible for you to manufacture a dose of brain juice for yourself by stimulating some natural release.
If you’re not the jog-a-mile or 50 pushups type, perhaps something like yoga, dancing, swimming or tai chi could work.
I doubt you’ll get the same degree of effect as a prescription, but it might be worth a shot at least.
Is knitting something you might like? Come up with a project and then zone out doing rows when you’re doing poorly?
I’ve tried sewing as a hobby but I would get frustrated cause I kept breaking threads on my machines, completely serviced both of them too, something is just wrong with the tensioners and it’s maddening.
As with knitting I have tried it a while back but I might try picking it up again
My roommate has problems with anhedonia (i think) and he finds the simple repetition (when he got the hang of it) helpful.
You describe how I get too. Can feel it coming on, no real trigger to it, but no stopping it either.
I must recommend meditation, either guided or mindful. So far I’ve found no other useful tool, counteraction, or medication to fix it. Meditation, when I remember, doesn’t really make it better, but it makes me better at meditation which helps in other parts of my life.
Seconding this.
I know this might sound modern society’s answer to everything right now, but if you haven’t already, I’d give an AI chat system a chance.
Not encouraging you to pay for anything you can’t afford, but some of the paid models have very high context windows, meaning they’ll remember what you say to them for an extended duration during a conversation.
So, you could outline your goals, your most pressing issues, your mental and emotional state, and direct the AI to act as a sort of side-brain.
When I’m working on large projects, I often ask a chat bot to organize my priorities and keep track of my progress.
Try letting it hold onto some of the tasks and thoughts you currently don’t have the means to focus on. Direct it to respond in short bursts sized appropriately to your attention span (might take some trial and error). See if it gets you back on track when your focus drifts.
It’s not a perfect solution by any means. And you might already be doing something like this. But you may find it motivating to have a sort of cheerleader telling you what were hoping to do previously that has since escaped your own context window. Tag team the task of figuring out what it is you want to do and then breaking down the steps to do that thing.
Good luck. I hope you find a solution (probably a combination of solutions) that works for you until you can get back on your meds.
