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No worries! Figuring yourself out is hard and there’s no rush. It just sounded like you knew you wanted to transition, but were waiting for some kind of confirmation. Sorry if I’m mistaken.
May I share an anecdote?
Where I live, you need a Gender Incongruence diagnosis for clinics to prescribe you HRT. Last year I went to my appointment and chatted with the doctor for half an hour or so. We talked about how I felt I’d be happy living as a woman, but I always felt I needed to try to be a man (since everyone told me that’s what I was); I told him about how I felt something was missing from my life and wanted to transition, and how I’d started DIY HRT. He happily issued me with an official diagnosis that read (roughly) “this person considers themself to be a woman, and has a strong desire to transition socially and medically”.
I felt terrible, like I’d tricked this doctor into giving me a diagnosis I didn’t deserve, when all I really wanted was to get feminizing HRT. But I went and got the prescription anyway :3
Looking back now it’s really funny, but at the time I still hadn’t figured out that wanting to be a woman really is the same thing as being a woman. The hardest part of transitioning (so far) has been allowing myself to say “I’m a trans woman” and believe it.
Anyway, good luck with your exploration.
Thank you for your answer :)
I have read that any trans person is confronted with some kind of impostor syndrom at some point, your anecdote proves that to be true ! I do feel like I trick people/myself at times because I don’t feel 100% dysphoria all the time, although I do feel euphoria almost always when I picture myself as a woman. I’ve read that it’s normal, feelings come and go… I suppose since I’m feeling confused, I’m looking for some certainty somewhere :P
See you next week I guess haha I think it’s cool to talk about it in this thread, even to put words on how I feel