So, I’m going to be the best man in my friend’s wedding. I’m very flattered to have the honor. He’s one of my closest friends, and I have no problem supporting him as his best man/best trans.

Furthermore, I’m out to him, and he has made it clear that he wants me to show up in whatever way makes me the most comfortable. I’ve picked out a dress, started taking voice lessons, and plan on getting my hair and makeup done professionally.

I don’t feel dysphoric at all about filling a traditionally male role, but…

How the fuck do I write a speech? A lot of best men seem to give speeches that joke about their ‘bromance’ with the groom and all that, which I find to be wholly inappropriate in my scenario.

My first thought was poking fun at picking a woman for best man, but some of his family are transphobic and I don’t want to rely on gender humor out of fear that they stew in their transphobia and say something to ruin his wedding. Then I thought maybe I could crack a joke or two about being trans - but I also don’t want to lean into the self-deprecation so much that I validate anyone’s transphobia.

So, how do I even approach this?

I was thinking I could open with, “When the groom asked me to be his best man, I said, ‘sit down, there’s something you should know.’”

Maybe I’m overthinking it, but this is a friend who has been there for me in the past. I want to fill my role in his wedding perfectly. Any advice is welcome and appreciated.

  • LallyLuckFarm@beehaw.orgEnglish
    3·
    12 days ago

    I’ve given two of these after having been asked to do so during the reception (twice!). So here’s some advice from an ad-libber, no bromance required:

    Tell a story about you and your friend. Maybe it’s how you met, or an event that showed you that they were the kind of person you’d do this sort of thing for - either way, say something about this characteristic of your friend will help support their relationship with their partner. Try to fit in a joke about an annoying aspect of this positive trait that friends or family might have made in the past.

    If you know the spouse well enough, tell a short story about them and why they’re a good partner for your friend. Drop a joke about how they’ll (finally) be the sensible one who will reign in the annoying aspect you joked about earlier.

    Say something about how great they are as a team, and express a hope you have for the two of them as they start this new aspect of their lives. Tie it back to how they deserve great things because of the things you said earlier. If you wouldn’t be the person standing there giving that speech without your friend, say so - regardless of whether you decide to speak about being trans during this speech or not.

    Remember that laughter is what happens when expectations are subverted in a surprising way, that everyone loves a good callback, and that groupings of three are more impactful, and you’ll do great.