If he turned around, the viewer would discover Uranus!

Faaaaaaaaake!

If it were real dragons, their heads would look like Macho Man Randy Savage.

OOOOOHHHH YEEEAAAHHHH!!!

My favorite seat is donald trumps face.

smacks you

Now that I have made an enemy here, I will give you a gun, and HOPE you don’t sabotage my favorite spot!

Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it!

pets dog

See? If I were racing home to beat my parents home, I would have missed that!

Your username makes me think you used to be a tooth fairy, until you got fired for spreading conspiracy theories to kids. Asking them to question why a fairy needs so many kids teeth.

And here’s what she looks like now, after plastic surgury!

I mean…kind of? It was created because the creators of Married with Children were told some of their ideas were not ok to put on Fox. So they sold the WB on the idea of making a new show for their network that was exactly like Married with Children, using all the ideas that Fox told them they couldn’t use. In essence, the “real” version of the show they wanted to make.

It would be like if Futurama had just been called “Life in Hell”, and instead of a futuristic setting, it was exactly like the Life in Hell comics he made 40 years ago, now in animated form, and people thinking Life in Hell art style is ripping off The Simpsons.

I mean, one of the books has a picture of a cat, and the title “I should pee on this”

Here’s what you do. Dig the sidewalk down 50 feet. Just a sudden drop. 200 foot tall fence made of barbed wire and spiked metal. This reaches all the way to the 50 foot drop of the sidewalk.

The sidewalk is public property. So if he throws it down there, it’s littering.

The fence is also electrified. Your mailbox is on the front porch. Thete’s also random landmines in the yard, and swinging chainsaws being whirled around by pulleys.

Lets see him deliver those weekly savers ads now!

I don’t even need to beat kids myself. I just tell them they aren’t a REAL gamer until they beat Battletoads on original hardware. Then they look confused because they never heard of Battletoads. That’s when I break out my original NES from my 1980s childhood, and Battletoads, TMNT, and Ghosts N Goblins. Original hardware. No save states, no rewind, no crutches of any kind. I don’t even bring game genie, or explain what that is.

Buckle up kid, because your ego is about to take a fucking nosedive.

Bot: “In a sentence or two, please describe your issue”

Samuel L Jackson: exists

Bot: “We are connecting you to the CEO directly! Please stop cursing.”

Yeah, but then you’d have to call the extroverts to order the service.

Probably people like my sister who has no idea how much is in the bank, and has no idea how to check.

Yeeeeaaaaah. Kids today are just too busy with their skibidi toilet, and their school shooting drills. We didn’t have either of those things when I was a kid. You know what we had??? Jurassic Park! And Jurassic Park is awesome!

George Lucas certainly did.

Remember when Toys R Us had a giant stack of these, being sold for like $5 each? I think Dreamcast was either already out, or just around the corner. And I said “That game looks cool. Too bad I’ll never get to play it…”

views america

Yep. That tracks.

Jerking off Bill Clinton in one hand, Putin in the other.

Wait…no before/after pics??? How are we supposed to comment that’s one fine clean job???

Aw damn…So this won’t work at the Beatles/Elvis Presley dual headliner tour this summer…