Someone who asks for help with their laptop, then opens it to reveal what appears to be several years worth of snacks smashed into the keyboard and on the screen. No, Doug, I don’t want to drive.

To be fair, I’ll use the more convenient shortcuts (cut/copy/paste, select all, save) that are genuinely easier to do with one hand. But Alt+F4? It either requires two hands or else your hand needs to qualify for Cirque de Soleil to hit it properly. Some of the “standard” keybinds are often more trouble than moving the pointer.

It’s still the result of robbing the working class, and concentrated wealth like that is bad for everyone (even the billionaires).

Okay, more suggestions:

• for the clusters, Gus and Buster
• for ingress, Ingrid and Igor
• for the nas, Cass
• for your Mac mini, Bach
• for your development server, Jessop (short for Jessop the Desktop)

Just give them ordinary names. Then when someone hears you say something like, “I think Greg is due for a reboot” you’ll make their day that much weirder.

I’ll sometimes pick ordinary names that are loosely related to the function for memory purposes. ingress01 becomes Ingred, cluster01 becomes Gus (i.e., Gus the Cluster), etc.

And of course, if there’s a machine that you expect will give you trouble, you name it Richard.