This is going to sound like and excuse, but the ghost of Hitler pour lemonade in my gas tank.
Also: I can’t go because the cricket team is having a nervous breakdown.
Commonwealth’s peeps tell me I’d this isn’t just a normal state of affairs? Something along the lines of Hockey players getting into fights, and American footballers having concussions?
this is going to sound like an excuse but the ghost of Hitler just died in front of me. i gotta go.
Get this: The Pope gave me syphilis
If I tell them a high school marching band gave me syphilis, I’ll end up in prison.
Don’t worry, it’s sitcom rules so everyone involved was 18 for some reason. It doesn’t make it a lot better, true, but it does make it not a felony.
I got it from Dan Rather…
Or just tell them why your car isn’t working:
This is going to sound crazy but the ghost of Hitler died in front of me.
I know you’re going to hate me, but the kid from air Bud gave me syphilis
… I do not like this game
It’s like I don’t even know you
… I’ll take the antibiotics
…it’s like AI slop given tangible form…
I was minding my own business and Boom! my nephew gave me syphilis.
This is going to sound crazy but my high school marching band just shit the bed.
no my high school marching band had a reputation for shitting beds. they hired a dude with ibs just to make sure they could get all the beds they needed shat
I know youre going to hate me, but the ghost of hitler posted my nudes on instagram
Get this, a high school marching band stabbed me.
Et tu, tromboner?
Please forgive my absence, my Tinder date found my box of human teeth.
Please forgive my absence, a professional cricket team stole my bicycle…
I feel terrible but a high school marching band stabbed me.
I feel terrible but Dan Rather posted my nudes on Instagram.
This is going to sound like an excuse, but Dan Rather found my box of human teeth 😬
