I watched the kids movie Grow the other day and it made me contemplate how many parents have told me that raising kids gave them
-a revival of childlike curiosity and awe towards the world and its creatures
and
-a renewal of that little kid sense of right and wrong that tells you you need to help suffering people and animals when you see them.
I know kids don’t always have this effect on their parents but I wonder what kind of impact having less little ones around will have on society by losing this feedback loop.
One easy example is that bringing home homework often leads to the whole family updating their knowledge—I remember informing my dad that iceberg lettuce had very little nutritional value after learning it in health class!
I’m still holding on to that childlike wonder and curiosity at 35. I’ve taught myself to spot the signal that says “don’t do this because of what others might think” - and then do it anyway.
Oh, a cool bug! Let me look closer… wait, I can’t, there are people around. No no, hold on - that’s the signal. Now you must. And now I’m the guy squatting in the middle of the sidewalk observing a beetle.
Just a few weeks ago I was listening to a podcast discussing this exact topic, and ironically at that same moment I was messing with my new camo net, trying to hide my bike under a tree for no other reason than I’d just bought the damn thing and wanted to try it. I was fully aware of how awkward I’d feel if someone stumbled on me, but that self-consciousness was exactly the signal telling me I was doing the right thing.
This is the best sandbox game ever. There are no rules, you can interact with anything - and it’s multiplayer too. Amazing.
Kids close a circle for you. You start to understand your parents in ways that wouldn’t be possible without going through the same experiences they went through.
Everyone is a perfect parent until they have kids. You can imagine you’ll be better than your parents were. Then when you have kids it’s very much an experience like “walking a mile in their shoes”. You find yourself adjusting your understanding. Still trying to be better, but also understanding why they did the things they did.
I’m hoping my kids can find a way to forgive my mistakes, but I know they won’t be able to fully understand them without having kids of their own. I find that sad for them. Understanding made a difference to me, and I don’t think they’ll be able to experience that.
I feel exactly the same, except, it doesnt make me sad that if they dont have children, theyll never understand. I hope they dont have children of their own. If they never understand me, Im okay with that.
I’m not a parent yet, but my family grew by some nieces and nephews in recent years.
And while I’m not around them all the time, when I am, it definetly feels refreshing to hear their points of views or have them ask questions about things that I, as an adult, take for granted.
And more often than not these questions lead to new knowledge for myself, when we decide to look for more than just the surface level answers.
So I’d agree with the two listed ‘benefits’ of yours, if given the chance children can be a great opportunity for learning and growing as a person. One needs to make use of that opportunity though. I see a lot of parents dismiss questions with ‘obvious’ answers or even getting somewhat annoyed at times.
Omg I thought a lot about wanting to be a parent.
The main thing I’m looking forward to is that same vibe I had with my mom…
Except this time. I can perfect it. I won’t make the same mistakes they did (Oh I’m gonna jinx it aren’t I)
This time it’d be from the other PoV… it’d be so interesting to be on the other side of the parent-child role… like you are the one that has knowledge about the world (including all the world’s cruelty) and have to shield the horrible truth and protect that childhood for as long as you can…
Also my parents are from Rural China, they didn’t have internet growing up…
They can’t really help with any homework lol
Not the math (not that I need help in math lmfao), but especially not any English related subjects…
But THIS TIME around, I can actually be like a teacher at home.
I feel like I have this weird “quest” or “challenge” of wanting to “prove” to my parents that I can be a better parent than they were…
They never told me much useful knowledge about politics…
My older brother is very into conspiracy theories and racial supremacy… (even tho we are minorities in our current country)
One thing is tho: I have no idea if I can even pass down Cantonese…
It’s gonna be kinda sad if I become like this “bridge”…
Like my grandparents speak Taishanese as their first language, then I guess Cantonese, then Mandarin…
I guess my parents also use Taishanese primarily to their parents, but somehow, they have this genious idea of NEVER TEACHING ME TAISHANESE…
So yea, I kinda see a vision of the future from my past
2 Generations ago: Taishanese-Primary, Cantonese + Mandarin Secondary
1 Generation ago: Taishanese-Childhood language, Cantonese-Primary, Mandarin Secondary
Me: Cantonese-Childhood language, Mandarin-Primary for about K-2, then English slowly took over and became the new Primary…
Taishanese is just a Heritage language in the distant memory…
Barely know Taishanese…
Prediction:
Next Gen: English-Childhood Language??? Then Cantonese become their “I know it but not much” Heritage language type of thing?
Then they only hear me talking to my parents in Cantonese, the its English at home? Just like right now its Cantonese at home and I onlg hear Taishanese when my parents talk to their parents…
Welp thanks for reading my random family language trivia…
Wanna bet if I can retain Cantonese?
I mean even if so, they probably wouldn’t be able to read Chinese… characters be hard lol…
Also to wrap up this comment:
I really hope I can teach my children to not be dickheads to new immigrants… I remember so many American-Born Chinese bullied me for being “Fresh off the boat” and not speaking any English…
None of my cousins that were born in the US really wanna befriend me…
I’m gonna be so sad if my children becomes one of those kids that bullied me when I was new to the country…
I want to have kids, but nobody I meet ever does. All they want to do is make tons of money and spend it on traveling and buying luxury goods. Ironically, they are in total denial of this, and tell you that they value ‘experiences’, but what they really value is shallow materialistic pursuits and petty social competitions. They think the idea of having a family and living modestly and having non-shallow relationships is terrifying.
It is depressing as fuck. And the people I meet who are into this lifestyle, are always deeply depressed and anxious and miserable, because they are chasing drugs instead of a mentally healthy lifestyle.
and if i tell them why my lifestyle is more modest and how happy it makes me, they tell me to f myself and I’m a pathetic loser because I’m not posting selfies on IG and making other people jealous of my ‘success’.
I also notice my friend who had kids are just… way more happy and relaxed and enjoy life a lot more than the people I know who didn’t have them.
