I have excuses, but im fucking up.
I want to run away, off my self, whatever. I can’t, I wont do that to my kids. But I think about it a lot.
My patience is getting shorter and shorter. Again, I have excuses and maybe id give myself grace but im not getting better im getting worse.
I don’t see how I fit into my life besides my kids. Everything else is just me doing what I feel like im supposed to do.
I just caused a big fight calling out my wife for shit she’s not doing when she has to deal with me being a slug. I cant say shit, or at least I shouldnt but she asked me or alluded to me doing something I cant do easily because of my foot injury and she knows it and I got defensive and got on her about her shit. It blew up.
I not getting at anything here just trying to get it off my chest

You’re not alone. And I’m not just saying that; my kids are the only reason I’m still around too.
I will say that, in case you’re interested, I’ve been taking half a CBD gummy (~15mg) a night and it has made things a lot more tolerable (at least at night). I even find myself enjoying things, and smiling. 🤷♂️ YMMV.
Anyway, I hope you find what you need (and what you want).