• Captain Aggravated@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    68·
    16 hours ago

    I think her end goal is to get a divorce. A prerequisite of this goal is to get married, and to get married she has to bamboozle some schmuck into proposing.

    1. Do not think you can delta his mind. If he says he’s not ready: believe him & move on immediately.

    See, it turns out that men actually do communicate pretty well, but we do it by saying aloud words that have widely agreed upon definitions that most closely resemble the ideas in our head, instead of whatever the hell it is women do. I bet the self-ignorant little bitch even accused him of “wasting her time.”

    “I TOLD YOU I wasn’t looking for anything long-term.”

    1. Careful what you say / how you speak to your partner.

    Someone took mask off, didn’t she? Let him know she actually holds a very low opinion of him, that what she wants has nothing to do with you as a living being, probably spoken in a way that indicates she doesn’t even conceptualize you as one? Yeah. Keep the mask on at all times, ladies.

    1. Try to compromise on certain timelines. You can’t have everything you want right now.

    The euphemisticalness of this one is just delicious. Which specific timelines are these? Could you write down a comprehensive list of “everything you want”? I’m willing to wager the presence and company of the man you’re dating isn’t on that list, is it Miss Widow To Be?

    1. Ego stroke. It works!

    Until it came apart in whatever incident lead to point 2, we were seeing some success with fake compliments. Experiments shall continue.

    1. No “cookie” w/o commitment. (share it with a guy you don’t really like the guy)

    We’re grown up enough to have sex but we’re not grown up enough to talk directly about it even to ourselves. Intimacy with a man is not the goal, it is the means by which she intends to achieve her goal.

    1. Don’t overshare or give too much too soon. Maintain the mystery

    Men drop your ass when they find out what you’re really about, huh princess? Better keep them in the dark for longer.

    1. No sleepovers before 90 days. Period!

    Gotta find that dude who can’t find any better prospects than you within three months.

    • Fecundpossum@lemmy.worldEnglish
      139·
      2 days ago

      Yeah, at no point in my dating life did I ever continue seeking relations past week three. If we’re not fucking by week three, we’re just not fucking.

        • Fecundpossum@lemmy.worldEnglish
          193·
          1 day ago

          Nope. Never wanted to waste my time to find out someone was terrible at intimacy. Wife and I slept with each other on our third date, and all these years later still can’t keep our hands off each other.

          You do you, but that puritanical shit was always a red flag for me.

          • socialjusticewizard@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
            4·
            1 day ago

            Likewise, third date and all. Married twenty years now, no signs of stopping. To each their own, but i agree, it always seemed weird to me to wait on something so central to a relationship

          • meep_launcher@lemm.ee
            81·
            1 day ago

            Also I never understood “take it slow”. What’s slow? 90 days? A year? 2 years? A decade?

            Then there’s the “you should be single for a bit”. Okay I’ve been single for 5 months, but then “no I’ve been single for two years”. You mean I’m not supposed to have intimacy for some arbitrary amount of time? I’m supposed to ignore any advance by anyone no matter how great they may be? I’ve missed so many good eggs that way.

            • Fecundpossum@lemmy.worldEnglish
              8·
              1 day ago

              I’ve always been of the understanding that people who do the whole “no sex until “x” event or time span” thing seem to consider sex to be a transactional performance, as opposed to raw form of human connection. They expect commitment to come before that connection, and use their withholding as a form of manipulation. To which my reply was always “Next”

              • PlasticExistence@lemmy.worldEnglish
                6·
                1 day ago

                Same. I like physical intimacy, and if they don’t, we’re not compatible.

                My wife and I slept together after our first date. We knew each other for only a couple of weeks prior to that. I would have been fine waiting another couple or so, but if she had been hesitant about sex after that, then I would have probably talked to her about our differences in sex drive - like adults should do. Mine is high, and I’m not going to be a good match for anyone who has a low sex drive.

              • Prehensile_cloaca @lemm.eeEnglish
                6·
                1 day ago

                100%

                It also sets weird and potentially false expectations around sex as an event, which puts undue pressure on both parties, rather than something that simply happens as a natural course of a relationship evolving.

          • Jessie@lemmy.ca
            17·
            1 day ago

            that puritanical shit lmao who said anything about this being religious? I don’t follow anything.

            It’s called “being queer & careful with your partner; getting STI tests, getting to know each other, adjusting to each other’s rhythm”

            sheesh…

  • partial_accumen@lemmy.world
    121·
    2 days ago

    Some notes:

    #1 You present your evidence that him changing his position would be a good thing (for whatever good means here). However, you can’t force someone to adopt your position. You can present your argument. Further, you can enumerate your boundaries. If the position you’re arguing that he isn’t adopting crosses one of your (reasonable) boundaries, you can enumerate what kind of impact it will have on you, and how you would react.

    #4 sounds like straight up manipulation. If my partner strokes my ego just to get their way instead of their appreciation/admiration being genuine, that would be a dealbreaker. You don’t have to like all the things I like. I’m allowed to have preferences, that may not match yours, and I respect your preferences that may not be mine. However, don’t be dishonest with me and my feelings just to extract some kind of concession from me.

    #5 You are fully within your rights to establish where your boundaries are, but you need to clearly communicate those to the other person. If you only give away the “cookie” after a relationship has reached a certain point, thats your choice, but fairly early on in the relationship you need to communicate that and let them make their choice. If they leave you because their expectation of receiving the “cookie” is different, thats a good thing. It means you weren’t compatible with each other’s needs/desires. You are both better off.

    #6 We’re all a little crazy or broken. In fact, thats usually what makes us unique. When someone accepts you for who and what you are, that is a truly loving experience. However, they can only know who you are when you share it with them. When you do is up to you both how you develop the relationship. The “maintain the mystery” is a bit concerning though. That sounds like game playing.

    #7 This is just a repeat of #5

  • MissJinx@lemmy.world
    61·
    2 days ago

    well it’s your cookie ans you can give it to anyone you want to. You can wait 90 days for the perfect cup of milk to dip you cookie in and then the milk is spoiled. Do anything you want without expecting anything from others, expectations will make you sad.

    • Master@lemm.eeEnglish
      41·
      1 day ago

      If the milk spoiled in 90 days then it was bad milk from the start.

      • ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com
        7·
        1 day ago

        Idk, tbf if I’m dating a girl and she just won’t stay at my house or have me stay over even after she gives me “a cookie” (also I have problems with sex in a relationship being some sort of pavlovian transaction in a strange attempt to train me, but…), I’m going to assume that she isn’t really that into me and is kinda just stringing me along until she finds someone “better,” so I’ll probably be out. Especially if she’s not upfront about the deadline so I’m just left to guess at the odd behavior. If it makes me a bad person that I don’t want to be treated that way again, so be it I guess.