Recent developments in US politics… naturalized citizens like me might be at risk…
So… anyways… it got me thinking a lot…
Like… there’s this alternate timelime where I never got to learned English… cuz the only reason I know this language is cuz I came to the US.
This language has been part of my identity since… like most of the life I remember…
So I have aunts and cousins in China that are still on an immigration backlog, and they’ve been on waitlist for like a decade, they’re probably adults now, I think, no idea if they still are considered a dependent to come with the aunts (my mother’s sisters) as they are he primary beneficiaries of the visa application, dependents are derivatives… so if they are over 21, idk if they’re still allowed to come to the US, not a lawyer…
but the again, not sure if they will ultimately even decide to come, considering… it’s a lot to move countries… I remember feeling anxious when I first got here, and also it’s not the 2010s anymore, its 2025, lots has changed, those cousins probably got used to growing up over there…
Okay I sound like I’m rambling…
but my point is, this got me thinking about myself
like… what if I was never here… like… I was there in China all this time…
Who the hell am I?
What is this weird timeline… why am I here?
Like I feel like everytime something happens in life, I’m always gonna obsess about that point in the timeline where the timeline diverges on two different timelines.
Feels so weird to say I’m “American”
It’s just a paper that can be revoked at anytime, like when constitutionalism breaks down, like… glances at the news
Your security really does rest on the law. When the law works you feel safe accepted. But the law is no longer working there. And that impacts your security.
So I suspect your mind jumps to was I right? should I have just settled for what I had and been secure? should I have gone elsewhere? Could you really handle all that again.
It feels nice to be accepted to another nation, to be part of something, to call yourself one of them. It hurts to the core to be reminded you are not.
If you need to you can go elsewhere. There are other places that are safe and can offer you peace.