Tell me you’ve never encountered a swan without telling me you’ve never encountered a swan:
Those necky cunts can catch these hands too
The local danger noodle not giving a shit, yet I still ran away
When I was a child, we had chickens. Once, when I was five or six, we had a rooster who would chase me out of the yard when I went outside to play. Seeing this, my father held me over the chicken pen as I kicked at the rooster with my little cowboy boots, but the rooster didn’t learn.
So he equipped me as a knight, and sent me with a broomhandle sword, a winter coat, and safety glasses to do battle. I fought him from the lowest dip to the highest hill, the Rooster of Cruelty, until I at last I threw down my enemy and smote his ruin upon the hillside.
Never again did he trouble me, and never again shall I let poultry tyrannize me! Ever again shall I ride to war against the avian, fair or fowl; thus is my vow.
Is this Brennan Lee Mulligan?
My grandad had a rooster that always used to attack me when I was a child. One day, Grandad saw him chasing me, grabbed it, put it on the chopping block and chopped off its head. Then he threw it on the floor.
It got up and ran towards me again. Just before it reached me, he finally collapsed.
I still think about it quite often.
Fuck… I might think about that quite often now, too. Holy balls
I need someone to draw a comic of this
I’ve seen worse plotlines in movies lately.
What a cock! This needs to be expanded into a short story. You have a way with words.
Has shakespear been reincarnated into the modern world?!
Later that night you ate him for dinner and it was delicious I bet.
source: Former Rhode Island Red Rooster Punter.
Reminds me of a rooster we had when I was a kid. My grandfather was watching us one evening while my parents were out. He’d told them that when feeding the chickens, if the asshole rooster was to jump him, he’d kill it, kinda jokingly.
When they came home that night, the rooster was plucked clean in the sink.
Pure poetry <3
I love geese. Roasted, smoked, grilled…
I learned to fear the Canada Goose when I was bicycle commuting along the Thames tow-path back in the day. However, they are nothing compared to the swans.
As an Australian, I really don’t get it. You guys have fucking bears in your country, but geese are the ones that scare people
Edit: oh right the emu war. I get it now
But actually mountain lions, moose, and wolves are worse than bears.
What’s worse to walk up on during a hike? A moose or a grizzly? Tough choice
Jokes aside, I think a big aspect of it is “I don’t want to hurt the goose.” Like if people were in a cage match with a goose, they’d obviously take it down, but you don’t wanna just hurt some animal for no reason.
As a lapsed Briton I can confirm there are not in-fact fucking bears living wild on the Thames.
Also as an Australian living in a major city, the animal I fear the most is the human. Especially when they’re in the driving seat of a car.
I also don’t get it.
Its face is at perfect kicking height. Don’t like what it’s doing? Too close? Fucking kick the little bitch. This isn’t hard.
Maybe that’s why they’ve always left me alone.
Some places make it illegal to harm said geese. You will then notice said geese are only aggressive in those places. Because they know the humans can’t fight back.
So just like my brother. He can beat the shit out of me, and I have to just take it, because he is a child.
He basically violenced me off my PC, and claimed it.
You’ve always got the right to self defense!
People almost always refer to “Canadian” geese instead of Canada geese. I will frequently chime in with “How did you know their nationality? Did you check their passports?” :D
Kudos for using the right form!
HONK 👁️🫦👁️
Genuinely can’t tell which one is supposed to be the goose in this situation
Pretty sure it’s the purple one.
Who the hell let a goose get an Infinity gauntlet?!
Untitled Goose Game 2
Why are you abusing the local wildlife?
No, it’s a canada goose.
That golf course episode is one of their best.
Yeah, and that’s fucking SAYING something! 🥰
That dude played “barely holding it together” to perfection 😂
I’m in tears every time I watch it. Second only to the pap smear scene
Best show ever.
Volume warning
These birds have absolutely no sense of self-preservation.
Spoken like someone who didn’t grow up around geese. Those fuckers can break a human leg bone or arm bone with their wing. Not even remotely kidding. They’re fear by most animals for good reason.
They’re feared by most animals because most animals (humans included) aren’t willing to risk a fight unless they need to, while geese have a solid intimidation game, and make to believe that they’re big and strong and will fight you.
A 5 kg dog can also scare off plenty of people. That doesn’t mean an average grown person can’t punt it across the yard if push comes to shove. Plenty of videos out there show what happens when one of these animals actually goes after someone’s kid… the kid usually ends up fine to put it that way.
Had a few dogs come after me. The difficult part is I would rather not hurt a dog, it is the owner who deserves a punch in the face.
Usually happens when I am on a bike which is a bit of an awkward position to respond to an ankle biter. I don’t want to run it over but I also don’t want to stop moving away. Of course if I had to I could flatten it with my bike.
Exactly! There’s also the significant point that you could get bit in the process of kicking away said dog, and the bite could give you an infection, which all comes back to why we (like most animals) will go very far to avoid a physical altercation.
Basically, fighting shit can be dangerous, even in situations where you easily come out on top 10/10 times. That doesn’t mean the fucking chihuahua has a chance.
I’ve never hesitated to kick at a dog chasing me on my bike. I love dogs, but if a dumbfuck owner lets it loose on the street, I will defend myself with all necessary force.
i just stop or slow down, and the dogs usually retreat
Those fuckers can break a human leg bone or arm bone with their wing
That’s an urban myth about swans.
In reality, the bones of both swans and geese are hollow like straw and about as likely to break human bones.
Dogs still can’t look up though.
Nice Shaun of the Dead reference 😄👌🏼
This was written by a goose.
Really would love to know how a hollow bird bone is meant to break a human bone.
It scares you and you fall over. Trying to put your hands out to save you and break something in the fall.
Weak ass bones if a 10 lb bird breaks em.
You’re both partially correct, the young, elderly and smaller individuals can get a broken bone from a goose.
That said those flappy fucks can catch hands
Those flappy fucks caught hands somewhat often when I was a kid, they always tried to steal my bread when Mom took me to feed the ducks (and yes, I know how bad that is, I was like 8-12).
the young, elderly and smaller individuals can get a broken bone from
a goosebeing startled and falling overThat’s the real cause here.
If you stand your ground and show that fucker who outweighs the other 3 to 1 or more and doesn’t have hollow bones, it won’t bowl you over.
Yeah, they do a great intimidation game but the usual standing tall with arms wide makes them back off, certainly with slow deliberate steps towards them. They’re much more nasty towards children and people showing fear.
Move towards them and threaten to kick them. They back off.
From this popsci article: "Bird wings may not seem all that threatening. After all, like most other birds that fly, the bones in goose wings are hollow. But because geese can weigh up to 25 pounds, the muscles in those wings are incredibly strong. They have to be to lift such a heavy bird into the air and carry it hundreds of miles at a time during migration.
So you really don’t want to be pummeled by those wings—they can quickly knock down a full-grown adult and cause scrapes, stitches, even broken bones. All of these injuries have been reported after goose assaults."
knock down a full-grown adult and cause scrapes, stitches, even broken bones
Bolded the important parts.
Falling over for any reason can cause scrapes, stitches, even broken bones, regardless of the instigating factor.
An adult weighing three times as much of a goose doesn’t fall over because the goose is strong. They fall over because of being startled into losing their balance, which is a feat a sparrow or a mouse could also accomplish.
Propaganda from big goose. That article was literally funded by goose & co.
No they can’t lmao what?
A gøøse once bit my sister
They kan be pretty nasti
No realli! She was Karving her initials on the g00se with the sharpened end of an interspace t00thbrush given by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian m0vies: “The H0t Hands of an Oslo Dentist”, “Fillings of Passion”, “The Huge M0lars of Horst Nordfink”.
I think this reference might predate the internet, brb gonna do some research.
Ok so according to this, the predecessors to the internet are older than this (1975), but the internet as we know it is much younger.
How fucking big are your geese?
Nothing near me is anywhere near that hardcore.
I could see a swan fucking you up but a goose? No way unless you’re shoving your fingers down its mouth.
