Not going to offer many details on the where or how, as I don’t intend to dox myself, but suffice it to say that I will continue touching butts for an extended period. I don’t like feeling aroused by the act. These people placed trust in me. Trust that I mean them no harm and that I am safe to be around. I can certainly be both while aroused, but I’d rather not have to deal with this.
I’d prefer not to dissociate through work, but I can’t find another way to contextualize my experiences in a way that doesn’t leave me frustrated until I get home.
As an asexual person, my flabber is so gasted reading through these comments. I truly have never even considered that any of this is a possibility.
Anyway, good luck I guess OP. Now I will proceed with my life with even more anxiety about having humans touch me.
Don’t worry it’s mostly harmless reactions. Like feeling hungry when you see someone with a bacon sandwich. You wouldn’t steal that person’s bacon. That person’s bacon is safe from you. But damn if you’re not hungry now.
Edit : some people would steal that bacon. But people who would actually do that don’t usually last long.
That’s gotta feel like being a fish, unaware of the water around you.
Eventually, you’ll become desensitized.
Every butt as boring as the next. They’ll lose meaning to you, like saying the same word over and over for 18 hours straight. You’ll only find them attractive when attached to the right person first.
Good luck!
So is there any chance that perhaps someone responded inadvertently and got you with pheromones?
Edit: to add to this, you’ll be super desensitized real soon
I’m friendly, in shape, and easygoing so I rarely find it strange when someone finds me attractive. I can’t discount the idea entirely, but I don’t believe so, in this case.
Think about preventing repetitive stress disorders.
Nothing shuts down the sinful thoughts* quite like OSHA regulations.
(*not actually sinful)
That would certainly help my posture, during. I’m using this one immediately. I just hope it doesn’t ripple elsewhere
We aren’t really socialized to have uncomplicated unsexual fondness for butts, etc, so take comfort that most people would struggle in your position, and that socialization is something that can change with time in it right environment. As long as you cultivate the right social setting at work, you probably don’t need to make any big changes, since those will happen with time.
Alternatively, you could pivot to other butt touching career, but that’s a decision best made with your partner.
I think I found OP:
Not the cleftal horizon!
What matters to your patients isn’t your thoughts but your deeds. If you are acting professionally it doesn’t matter if you are having inappropriate (sexual) thoughts. You might have to channel this energy elsewhere and eventually it will be less stimulating as you get used to it.
That is my hope. It’s certainly been helpful to hear so many people saying variations of this. It feels immensely frustrating to deal with this alone, but recognizing this as a slow issue to grind through is helpful
Remember it’s our actions not our thoughts. There’s nothing even wrong about secret perving which are you not even doing
Time. It just takes time.
I washed bodies and wiped butts for twenty years. Most of the time, my patients were not on my radar anyway, as I’m hetero and the vast majority were men. Among the women, I’d say 3/4ths were elderly enough that they were well beyond my upper range even now that I’m middle aged.
But there were a few, in the early years, that were very attractive. Of equal or more importance, when I transitioned to home health instead of facility care, family members of patients would sometimes not only be attractive, but assume that I was perfectly safe to be naked around, or even request contact that would be considered intimate to some degree or another.
It really, truly, didn’t take long for my inner switch to just stay in the off position at work. By the time I was thirty, I had family members of patients outright put moves on me and it would take multiple attempts for me to notice because my switch in my brain said that work time is work time, not happy penis time.
It did take seeing a goodly double handful of goodly handfuls before I adapted though. Butt, if your job requires more frequent contact with bodies you’d be attracted to, it’ll happen faster than it did for me in terms of time. More exposure to the experience starts dialing down the sexuality of it. Oh, you might find some arousal on occasion even after years, but it’ll be occasional and you’ll develop the ability to ignore it.
Short term, it’s the same as any stressor you face at work. Identify it, control your breathing as you accept its presence in your mind, and allow that control to filter it out. And it will. It’s a basic meditation technique that’s infallible assuming the ability to breathe with control, and enough practice. The more you control your breathing, the more control gets spread to the rest of you.
While I can only hypothesize about what being a home health care worker would be like, it boggles my damn mind how other family members think it’s cool to just be naked with outside people there.
I can’t imagine being comfortable naked outside of being alone or with a partner though. But no matter what the internal dynamics are, when the care worker is there, how are they comfortable with that (outside of just being nudist in general)?
That’s what sounds crazy to me.
It can seem like it from the outside.
Thing is, there’s a lot of trust and some degree of habit. First, if someone is a nudist, you get warned before starting the case, so that’s not a factor in this. Most people aren’t stripping down day 1. Some do! But that’s largely because of trust too.
You get used to having strangers around and trust that they’re not going to cross any lines because most in home caregivers won’t. There’s always assholes and creeps in any job, and home health isn’t immune, but it isn’t super common because you’ll get weeded out.
Then, if the same caregiver is there a lot, they cease to be an outsider. Me? I was spectacular at integrating into a household with low friction. That, my wound care chops, and physical strength were my calling cards. Once a given caregiver integrates, people go back to whatever their default habits are. Nobody can be on 24/7, and staying on at home is even harder to maintain. So people get comfortable and if they’re usually casual about nudity, they’ll treat you the same as any member of the household.
The classic story I bring up is the daughter of one of my patients. First week or so, she was in makeup, hair did, dressed for public before I would get there. I want to say that it was day 10 that I rolled up and she’s back in her house robe, with only a tee shirt underneath, having climbed out of bed only when she heard my car crackle the gravel in the driveway. It was all business one day, the next it was Sleepover Sally a couple of days later, she stopped even greeting me at the door and stopped getting dressed at all until she’d had coffee and a shower. That was her real habit: wake up, coffee, bathe, then dress.
Wasn’t even a nudist, just slept naked and she was at home. My job was to make their lives easier, not bring external pressure into their safe place. She followed her pattern when we weren’t there, and stayed clothed when a caregiver would object, but it was something we were aware of before accepting the case.
Some folks just aren’t bothered by being naked around close friends and family. Others aren’t bothered by it around anyone at all, even if they’re not nudists.
And it was cool for most of us workers. The only time nudity even registers to most hands-on caregivers is when it’s weaponized or sexually presented (or both). I mean, on my end, I was there to see someone naked and do things to their body. The nudity was mandatory for most cases because you can’t wash someone’s ass if they have pants on. Not very well anyway. That there was extra nudity was like there being exotic pets in the house; as long as I didn’t have to pet their python, why would I care? The alliteration was for funsies, I actually like snakes and think they feel pleasant to touch.
But there were also plenty of people in your frame of mind as well. Hell, I had patients that resisted care in general and avoided accepting care whenever possible because they didn’t want to be naked with someone. A handful wouldn’t move past it no matter how I was.
What’s funny is that in my personal life, I’ve become very nudity resistant to medical professionals because they’re not on my list of “my” people. That’s despite knowing that no doctor gives a damn about seeing my junk. I just don’t like sharing my body with people I barely know; it has nothing to do with them, it’s about my body autonomy. I wasn’t always like that, it happened after the disability stick hit me.
Nudist here.
But wasn’t raised nudist. Became one as an adult. I have zero qualms getting naked in front of people (even large groups), whether I know them or not. But it was interesting going from someone anxious about nudity because I was raised in a society that’s really weird about it to being totally comfortable with it.
There’s definitely a sexual aspect to it, but over time that kind of diminishes. I"m assuming if I was raised nudist that sexual aspect would probably never have been there at all because there wouldn’t be an exhibitionist angle to it. It’s only sexual to me now when normal flirting/advances take place like they would in a regular, non-nude scenario. Hell, it’s become regular enough to me that I honestly forget I’m even naked half the time.
It’s one of those curtain getting pulled back things. It’s really strange to me now how seriously this society treats nudity. It feels weird, and silly, when I have to wear swimwear now. Like, why am I doing this? It’s stupid. Putting clothes on to get them wet? Getting out and sitting around with wet clothes on? Whose idea was this?
I can definitely see how some of the people you’ve interacted with can be comfortable being naked with you there. All my friends have seen me naked and I’ll walk around my own house naked in front of them sometimes. NBD.
as long as I didn’t have to pet their python, why would I care?
Euphemism alert!!!
(sorry, couldn’t resist, but appreciated the read and information)
This is the right answer. They’ve already identified the problem and dislike the feeling, which is well on the road to flipping the switch. This is one of the reasons human services fields are difficult, you literally have to turn off parts of yourself that would normally feel and react to become a good professional.
Amen to that! Shoving parts of yourself into a box in the back closet of your brain is a survival skill that you either pick up quick, or burn out and leave the field.
Mind you, things don’t like to stray in that box, but the whole nudity bit is usually curled up like a cat in there.
Well said and I loved your secret pun
It was a bit cheeky.
Thanks ;)
Is this a new activity to you? You will get used to it
Relatively. And that is my hope. Expediting it would be nice.
Find a place and a time to vent it.
Never talk to these people about it, ofc, but find a trusted person to talk to. The world wild internet cannot replace a trusted person.
Usually I’d speak to my partner about it, but the subject matter is peculiar and uncomfortable. Frankly, I was hoping to find a magic bullet rather than reasonable advice
Don’t we all?
I have a somewhat creative idea. Don’t know if you want to try it out, but I just tell it:
First, get hold of your partner’s butt. Then start to talk about the issue, but talk in a certain way:
- Describe how this butt is better than all the other butts.
- Tell how you feel about this butt, but not about the other butts.
- Tell what you are going to do to this butt, but never to all the other butts.
- etc.
You know the direct outcome of this already. In addition such talk is going to have impact for the future on your own thoughts and feelings, and the same for your partner.
This is my partner’s butt.
There are many like it, but this is mine.
My partner’s butt is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.
I am nothing without this butt,
This butt is nothing without me.
Okay, I shouldn’t have laughed at this great idea, but it is humorous to imagine this scenario.
Idk if finding a magic bullet in your butt-touching job is gonna help against arousal tbh
Aren’t you going to get used to it after a few days, like to everything else in life?
I have certainly not gotten used to it after a few days
It might take more than a few days. I asked my brother about a similar thing - he was a cheerleader and part of that is practically groping butts. He just said after a while the act in that context got desensitized and wasn’t an issue, but it was awkward until then.
That is heartening and leaves me hopeful. I’m hoping butts turn a stale beige sooner rather than later
Maybe don’t hope that for just every butt, but butts that are work related.
I know elsewhere you said you want a magic bullet, but you might consider this a multi-pronged, if not at least multi-step process.
I think that you can get used to it. But if you have too much concern about the whole thing that can paradoxically prevent that habituation from occurring. trust that you are acting appropriately. Do those other steps like masturbation before work. Do something to remain present, like engagino your senses with your environment. Noting the sounds you hear, the smells, or the things you can see.
Make it you versus thoughts instead of you versus butt. Or versus arousal. Call the thoughts in your head that come up that aren’t serving you
That sucks. Maybe find something else or somewhere else? Perhaps it is the gender of the butts involved? If your arousal is visible this might complicate things at work. It also opens you to risk.
It’s certainly not visible. Not unless I have a major wardrobe malfunction. And I’m looking at other options before I choose to change gears to that degree.
My hobby has me touching a lot of butts. After a while, it’s not interesting anymore
I haven’t seen it mentioned, so what I consider an important perspective: it’s a perfectly normal and biologically expected reaction. Having thoughts and feelings is never incorrect, shameful, or immoral. It’s our behavior which has consequence.
Remember that in the opposite role, as a patient, it might feel embarrassing or inappropriate to become visibly aroused when a doctor or nurse is manipulating (or even just looking at) parts of your body, but the professional is trained to recognize this as an autonomous physiological response to stimuli, and disregard. There’s no place or reason in this context for judgement.
I would encourage you to, and honestly, as the professional in your circumstance, expect you to, foster this same clinical disregard for your own arousal. It’s perfectly fine and expected to be aroused when touching or being touched by another human; that’s not behavior and must not be judged.
But developing what could be understood as a “kink” by perseverating on your “naughty” feelings toward people in your care, finding it titillating how embarrassed or unprofessional your reactions are, isn’t uncommon. It’s exciting because it’s transgressive. If you can’t operate professionally by treating your normal feelings as normal, you do owe it to the people who’ve placed their trust in you to step away.
Possibly it might help to accept that your conflict is not unusual, professionalism is an attempt to limit the chaos of human thought into a narrow channel but it is only an attempt. Understanding that emotions from arousal to repulsion are natural and have evolved specifically to overcome attempts to suppress them is important. Expectation and acceptance of errant thoughts is a way to nullify their potency and manage their weight on your actions. Those thoughts that flit in and out of your mind are in the minds of everyone around you, and always have been and were in the minds of the owners of those butts. The chaos does not escape our minds not because it is not there but because it does not fit into the world we have made. This essential goodness of fit to the world of a conscious well mind is what limits the stream of unlimited options coming unrelented from the subconscious.
Are you a proctologist with a midlife crisis?
As someone who values their privacy immensely, I can only answer in non-answers if someone asks for specifics on anything but my processing of the information.
I was just joking anyway sorry.
You’re totally fine, no harm done
One time I did see one patient that was exceptionally attractive so I just kinda shoved it down for a while. I did have a bizarre dream (don’t remember any of the details other than that it involved that patient and was bizarre). Then I had to clean their bathroom real fast when they had to move rooms and I no longer found them attractive. Problem solved. Dunno if that helps in your situation. Maybe look into more about how intimacy coordinators in the TV/Film industryhandle things? They gotta handle people who are actually like. HOT.
Maybe look into more about how intimacy coordinators in the TV/Film industryhandle things?
No, they don’t clean bathrooms either :)
They actually learn and practice how to create intimacy and at the same time to set and respect proper boundaries. But that is a “together” thing. Doesn’t help OP here.
Oh no that was mostly unrelated and intentionally so. I don’t struggle with it because patients, being human beings, are generally pretty gross (and I’m usually seeing the grossest parts of their lives). It sounds like OP doesn’t have the grossness to fix the problem for them and that was the best alternative framework I could think of.
I do not, unfortunately. Some butts are gross while others are not. It’s a frustrating spectrum
