I never really thought about it but yes it makes a lot of sense.

Not just look back over what was said, but how it was said, the context in which it was said in.

I don’t need gaslighting, my memory is so bad already that I don’t trust it. And for that reason, I prefer communication with a record.

Yup, sounds about right.

And I can speak from experience that I thought I was perfectly fine until other people heard what I’ve been through and told me “that’s not okay”.

“But I’m not traumatized by it” yes I was, it just took a couple decades for me to figure it out.

Sometimes its the other way around. I prefer texts because I’m a visual learner… and visual formats being handy for maintaining accountability and avoiding abuse are a convenient byproduct. But I was a visual learner first.

text communication is just inherently superior. it automatically writes down all the dates, times and locations.

I’m the opposite actually. My instinctive reaction to abuse is to try to appease, and not having the person I’m talking to in front of me to gauge how they’re feeling has a tendency to drive me nuts. If I can’t look at someone’s face while I’m communicating with them my brain immediately assumes they hate me. I’ll go through everything I wrote looking for the most cruel interpretation of my own words I can come up with and think about it so much I’ll start wondering if that isn’t what I actually meant.

Abusers choose language where the meaning behind it is coercive. It makes it hard to convey emotional meaning with someone who had to learn these survival skills. One might be seeking connection and that intent sits in the same space where others seeking to manipulate placed theirs.

It’s normal to have that style of communication and simultaneously feel gas-lit by people speaking with decent intent.

For the other stuff therapy can be effective if you get the right therapist and imo not someone peddling sympathy.

I can’t talk on the phone at all because of trauma and autistic fear of being perceived. I don’t know if you’re neurodivergent, but if you are, I’ve read that neurodivergent people are much more sensitive to trauma. A seemingly normal event that wouldn’t be traumatizing for neurotypical can traumatizing for neurodivergent people. The fact that you can’t remember also suggests you might have trauma. Either way, sending you all of the internet hugs, feel better!

For me it’s just because it gives me the time to think about what I am trying to communicate.

In my case, it’s not trauma, just anxiety [Texting lets me spend an inordinately long time revising even the simplest of messages to make sure there’s absolutely no way it will be misinterpreted]

Lots of abusers also prefer text because it lets them take their time in picking their words perfectly and carefully for maximum slipperiness and plausible deniability. It doesn’t mean anything really if you prefer texting.

I don’t think its trauma, I’m pretty sure its just that my brain is a sieve. I like to be able to review what was said, so texts are preferred.

hugsie for everyone who feels like want one now.

Used to record every phone call with my parents so I could play back their own words when they said they didn’t say something, and my words when they said I said something I didn’t.

It’s really normal. I had to switch to text only with my ex-husband for these exact reasons. The gaslighting was intense and it can be so hard to get a sense of reality within a relationship like that.

It was lovely to be able to go in and delete some of the screenshots recently though. It’s been long enough that I felt safe to let it go <3

Therapy helps! I’d strongly encourage exploring some options. It’s not a bullet-proof solution, but therapy can really, really help.