• HalfSalesman@lemm.ee
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    6 days ago

    Yeah, I try not to let things go unsaid myself because I don’t really post memes much and I do try to fight against the toxic mentality of “men don’t share feelings” shit.

    But I feel a sort of mental “sting” every time I talk about something that makes me sad in front of people. It makes me worry I’m being pathetic, unlikable, or unattractive.

      • Brisket@lemmy.ca
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        7 days ago

        If only that worked for me. I’ve been in a depressing place for 5 years, and I both opened up to my homies and brother… Crickets.

        My wife keeps me sane and grounded.

        • misterdoctor@lemmy.world
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          7 days ago

          I feel that, man. I’ve tried being open with friends and it just didn’t seem like it mattered much to them. I don’t have many close friends, almost none to be honest. But I have my wife and no matter what I always know she’s there for me, unfailingly.

      • Sunsofold@lemmings.world
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        6 days ago

        You kidding?

        (Looks at them)

        That empty spot is where those two would be, if they didn’t have to do 55 hours/wk at work and care for their families the rest of the time.

        He got depressed and vanished a year ago. No one knows where he went. He didn’t leave any contact info.

        He’s literally too stupid to breathe. We keep him around for the laughs but no one is going to tell him anything.

        And he’s literally dead.

      • Higgs boson@dubvee.org
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        7 days ago

        what boys? This ignores the original point. There isnt some big group of friends just waiting for a cry for help… The point is they arent receptive to it and it causes them to withdraw. A dude feeling suicidal? Literally no wants to hear it. Theyll just feel uncomfortable and avoid you.

        • misterdoctor@lemmy.world
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          7 days ago

          Sounds like you need new boys. If you tell your friends you’re feeling that low and they withdraw from you because it makes them feel icky, they aren’t your friends. They’re self centered pricks who aren’t worth investing your time or feeling into.

              • Higgs boson@dubvee.org
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                6 days ago

                K.

                This you?

                I’ve tried being open with friends and it just didn’t seem like it mattered much to them. I don’t have many close friends, almost none to be honest.

                It seems you should heed your own advice

                • misterdoctor@lemmy.world
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                  6 days ago

                  I am in therapy? This isn’t the burn you thought it was. You can talk to your friends and a professional counselor. What a weird reply.

      • masterspace@lemmy.ca
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        7 days ago

        I will just say, having gone through a real rough year, it’s not always black and white. I be vulnerable with the boys and ask for help, but I need time to process first, and to do it in the way I want and the time I want.

        In the meantime, I am often sending memes for that small comfort of friendship while I process.

      • Sabata@ani.social
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        7 days ago

        I’ll just post ‘mood’ worthy memes untill the problem is normalized to me long enough to stop making me feel things about it.

    • ameancow@lemmy.world
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      7 days ago

      All my homies dispersed after our lives became so painful and tiring that we had nothing to share anymore.

      Men growing up never learn how to talk about their lives and wants and fears with each other, it’s always fake bravado, masculinity, “how can I make everyone laugh” and other increasingly desperate attempts to cling to the simple, happy days of childhood when there was less to worry about and every day was magical.

      When the magic wanes, we’re left as people holding nothing. We don’t know how to laugh anymore. We don’t know how to make anyone else laugh anymore. We stop smiling. We stop going out of our way to even keep up appearances, and just fade into the background, and most of us like it that way. Because society broadly doesn’t know how to handle male emotional states that don’t follow stereotypes for cartoonish masculinity. So as men get older, we get more and more alone.

      I literally have no clue what it feels like to have other men, related or not, to lean on and talk to. I’ve never had support from anyone outside of my partner, and cannot imagine how dark life is for men who don’t even have that. Yes, our world is unkind to men. It’s also unkind to women in a different way.

      We can each change it, but it takes effort, emotional intelligence, and of course the time in the day that most of us don’t have once you have bills to pay and people to take care of.

      And I don’t say this as some kind of whiny-ass teenage MGTOW redpill kid who is mad at women. I have studied sociology and neurology for decades, I have been a coach and trainer to young men, as well as women and families, I have taught self-defense, I’ve been in therapy, I’ve had substance abuse problems, i’ve kicked substance abuse problems. I’ve been religious and renounced it all. I’ve been a shut-in introverted gamer turned outgoing, public-speaking business leader. I’ve lived a few and speak from decades of just being and watching.

      • LouNeko@lemmy.world
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        6 days ago

        I’ve never had support from anyone outside of my partner, and cannot imagine how dark life is for men who don’t even have that.

        Pretty fucking dark, take my word for it.

      • Num10ck@lemmy.world
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        7 days ago

        the problem is systemic. a brotherhood of man wouldn’t put up with the whims of poor leadership.

      • mothersprotege@lemm.ee
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        7 days ago

        Your comment resonated with me. I wish I had more to contribute, but all I’ve got right now is: you don’t seem like such a mean cow.

  • shyguyblue@lemmy.world
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    8 days ago

    When i had to take my dog to the emergency vet, I got on discord and posted about ten Star Trek memes in under five minutes. One of the guys asked if I was ok, that’s when i broke down and revealed the reason. I was basically looking for attention…

    • Biskii@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      7 days ago

      Well, that explains my shit post the other day

      Edit: I’m so sorry, I had a disconnect from the first half of your comment. I apologize if this was insensitive, and I hope you are doing alright

  • Mac@mander.xyz
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    7 days ago

    Nah, i tell my bois all about it and they talk to me about it.

    • grrgyle@slrpnk.net
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      7 days ago

      That’s nice. I’m trying to get there myself. It’s hard enough to be honest with yourself, let alone your buds.

      • Mac@mander.xyz
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        7 days ago

        It is hard on both accounts, yes.
        And also: it’s okay to accept people who don’t want a deeper relationship. You can have different friendships at different levels.