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Might I introduce you to the good old Dutch tradition of swearing with diseases?
Tuberculosis (“tering!”), typhoid (“tyfus!”), cholera (“klere”), mange (“schurft”), smallpox (“pokken”) are pretty cool and acceptable. Cancer used to be common but that’s rather fallen out of fashion. You can also combine it with religious swearing AND reproductive organs for a trifecta.
“Godverdetyfuskutzooi” is just a beauty, but “goddamtyphoidvaginamess” doesn’t work in English.
but “goddamtyphoidvaginamess” doesn’t work in English.
Perhaps not, but I think “cunt jumble” needs to enter the lexicon.
apparently the rudest thing you can call a Dutch person literally translates as “cancer-whore”
Yeah, pretty much exactly true.
using “cancer” as a swearword is considered very bad these days, so we’ve actually started to censor the swearing/insults down to “the c-word” meaning that “You’re a C-whore” is now actually a thing people say.
#why do they #talk like this #?
So back in the day tumblr didn’t have comments. It did allow you to add tags when reblogging, so people used that instead. Of course these days tumblr does have comments, but all the good comments still get put in the tags.
Tumblr is a special place.
Hashtagnofilter
Australia has you covered
“strewth” “mate” “maaaaate” “shit a brick” “you little ripper” “bonza” “bloody oath”
Yeah, “mate” is perfect, it’s just as versatile as “fuck”.
Friend of mine refuses to cuss. She makes up childish ones in their place.
One day we were playing League of Legends and she fucked something up then said: “Son of a biscuit bean-dip mother-frito!!!” I’d never say it in place of a good “oh fuck me, then” but I will never forget it for as long as I live.
I have a bunch of these I came up with for a DND character I played for a while. Try to read this with a deep southern accent.
Well, paddle my ass and call me a sailboat
Well, spit in my mouth and call me a saxophone
Well, fill me with meat and call me a sandwich
“Hex me purple” is the one I use when teaching.
There is also “aww skyte” which is gibberish, but it feels right.
it sounds like a plausible dialect version of “shite”, so even if it didn’t consciously start out as one, it’ll be perceived as such
My favourite so far is an Irish character saying “shit the bed” with a Corkish accent.
Anyone else who remembers this better from “Cow &chicken” correct me, but this is what I recall “dad” exclaiming:
“Well, shave my legs and call me grandpa”There are actually a lot:
- Heaven is actually from the old english word for sky (Sky is from norse instead), so “Good Heavens” can be interpreted as non religious. In fact, Heaven singular is the afterlife place, heavens plural means the vast skies and stars, so i certainly see ‘Good Heavens’ as irreligious.
- Good Golly
- Fiddlesticks!
I like “shit on it!” but that might just be because I recently watched Friday Night Dinner.
"Oh shit on it. Shit on the shitting thing!’
Fuck me sideways and call me craig
Having swears that hit hard that aren’t:
A) homophobic
B) sexist
C) religious
D) sexual
E) body parts
F) bigoted/slurs
G) demeaning or punching downis difficult and very rare.
I hypothesize following some of these patterns but punching up at those/that which is unethical/bad whilst avoiding immortalizing that which doesn’t deserve it, for true disrespect.
I think that by novelly correcting the common lexicon, we can attempt to redirect/rewrite values in society that need to change, by utilizing shame and rhetoric in a way that is more constructive than things like putting down healthy human acceptance, trauma, or class struggles.
You absolute walnut
Are you accusing me of nutting on the wall??
“Suck start a shotgun” is my go-to.
This makes sense, but I can’t come up with any examples.
I’d also like an option for sneezing. Literally every society addresses sneezing with either a religious blessing or a with for good health. I understand that this comes from illness being a threat but now sneezing is more of an inconvenience than anything. I just can’t find a way to tell whatever causes the sneeze to fuck off without the sneezer taking it as directed at them.
In Derry Girls, the girls all walked into the kitchen where there was a visiting plumber they thought was hot (he wasnt), and one said “Well, fook me sideways!” I’ve been using that regularly ever since.
What in the name of absolute fuck?
Also, don’t undervalue the satisfaction of going into a full Yosemite Sam litany of nonsense: “Hazzen frazzen jimpin jampin frazzle bazzle mizzen mazzen grizzle bizzle…!!!”
