I associated with a guy online that turned a makeshift ring on a lathe at work to give to his girl as a place-holder for when he could afford a real ring. She loved it so much she told him not to buy one.

He was kind of a perfectionist and it actually looked pretty good, but as I recall there were no precious metals involved.

So, bottom line…what kind of person is she? Price isn’t important.

Whatever you do DON’T spend a year’s salary on a ring. That’s just jewelry store marketing talking.

If I remember correctly, I spent around $400. At the time it was roughly 30% of a paycheck.

Also do you think it is misogynist to ask the lady’s dad for permission?

Misogynistic?

Not per se. I suppose it comes down to why you’re asking.

Needed?

No. Women make their own decisions.

I think I spent 20 euros on a ring I thought was cute (and resizable, because I didn’t know her ring size), and we later bought wedding rings together.

I also called her father beforehand, but more like “Hey, I thought you’d like to know that I’m planning to do this”, and he was like “That’s awesome, have fun!”.

Personally I feel the whole concept of the man proposing with a ring is outdated. The decision to get married was a joint decision between my wife and me. We talked about it, agreed we both wanted it and then decided together when we wanted to get married. There was no engagement ring and we didn’t spend a lot on our wedding rings either (I can’t remember how much, but it was relatively speaking very cheap). The wedding itself was also rather small and not that expensive (again, relatively). We had a lovely day and never regretted not spending more, even if we could have afforded to.

But getting married is one of these things where the right way is your way. Everyone wants something different and nobody can tell you what’s best for you and your partner.

First of all, do whatever you want and what you think your gal will want. You only get to propose to her once so make it count, whatever that means to you guys

Before you decide on what to do, I recommend you read the 5 Love Languages book. It’s a good and easy read and I’d recommend it anyways. Bottom line is people express affection in certain ways and they like to receive affection in certain ways. The reason I suggest the book is because it can help you key in on whether going expensive is something that will be valued by your SO.

If receiving gifts, expensive ones, isn’t one of her love languages, I’d say it’s probably not worth it. But if she lights up when she’s showered with expensive stuff normally then there’s nothing wrong with a giant diamond, if you can afford it. It’s a gift so it should be something that she will appreciate

It might be more meaningful if it’s a custom ring that you have a jeweler design. Maybe an animal she loves or something else that is meaningful. This can be cheaper than a diamond center stone even if you include a variety of gems. Price scales hugely with size of the stone so you can go hog wild with smaller gems and the cost of the metals and the design/creation and not break the bank.

On the subject of asking for her hand or whatever, I think the more modern way to do the same thing is to just get with her parents before hand and let them know what your intentions are.

At the end of the day, do what you want. You can stick to traditions and get a big diamond ring and ask get Father’s hand if that’s what you want. People, especially here, will get out pitchforks and try to tell you why that’s bad or whatever but at the end of the day traditions are traditions and if you want to do it that way it’s OK. But I wouldn’t do it just because it’s tradition - unless that means something to you. Be deliberate in your choices whatever they are.

Good luck!

Spend what you can afford. Pay more attention to the style she likes than the cost.

If she says no because the ring wasn’t expensive enough, you dodged a bullet.

I spent around $2500 on the engagement ring. We had discussed what she liked before I ordered it, but I customised it myself, so she was not a part of choosing the actual ring. I asked her dad, but it was mostly ceremonial. I knew he would say yes, and if the didn’t, that wouldn’t have changed anything.

For reference here’s the ring I got.

I wasn’t pressured into buying an “expensive” ring. I bought it while I was studying. She said it was not important with an expensive rinf, and I believe she believed that, but she is extremely happy with the ring, and I am proud when she wears it.

Why do you need an engagement ring? Can’t two people just get engaged without going into debt for a fucking rock?

Check in with your lady on the asking her dad thing. Ultimately it’s up to her whether she feels it’s respectful or if she would be offended if you did so.

Congrats on taking this next step!

10k on a ring? Holy!

I think this is something worth discussing with your s.o. Maybe they agree about not wanting to spend a whole lot. Maybe it is really important to them.

Maybe they don’t want a ring at all.

And if it’s mysogonistic to ask for the fathers opinion? Yes. Yes it is. Men should not have this power over their daughters decisions.

I would ask her parents for approval and spend as much as I feel comfortable doing. Which is definitely below 10k, because at that point I would worry about someone walking up and just chopping her hand of (or following us home, maybe slightly more reallistic).

I think plain gold rings are fine. Otherwise just anything that looks decent. Rule of thumb: Your wedding rings shouldn’t dictate your outfits.

I just realized you said ‘engagement’, not ‘wedding’. What the actual fuck man.

https://www.americangemsociety.org/moissanite/#%3A~%3Atext=Moissanite-%2CWhat+is+moissanite%3F%2Cof+the+compound+silicon+carbide.

Depends where are you living. I spent like 1/3 of my monthly income.

I spent like 400 on the ring. And then we spent 3k on the wedding.

Ten years in and no issues.

The concept of an expensive engagement ring is based on the realities of a different era, as is asking her dad for permission.

At a time when women couldn’t have bank accounts, their jewellery was their emergency savings. The engagement ring in particular was a way for a man to prove that he could financially provide for her, and for her to show to the world that she made a good financial match. This is why engagement rings have historically been very expensive status symbols.

Today, the engagement ring is about love, not status. So forget about what you “should” do and show her that you love her, by thinking about what she would appreciate most.

1. I wouldn’t ask her dad unless she is very traditional and extremely close to her dad i.e. only do this if you believe that she would like that and that he will say yes (and yes, it is very patriarchal).

2. What do you think she would value more - having you propose with a ring, or going shopping for a ring together? She will have to wear it, so making sure that she loves it is more important than the price.

3. Stick to what you can realistically afford, bearing in mind that weddings and honeymoons are expensive too. Might she prefer a less expensive ring and a nicer honeymoon?

3a) Definitely don’t overspend on a natural diamond. The value of natural diamonds in typical engagement ring sizes (< 1 carat) have fallen dramatically in the last 10-15 years, you can see a fun chart here: https://www.pricescope.com/diamond-prices/diamond-prices-chart/ (Ask me how I know 🙃)

Above all, remember that this is meant to be a fun and exciting time for both of you, so forget about what others expect and focus on what would make you the happiest in the long term.