Three socialists walk into a bar and get an extra bottle of water to give to the elderly man sitting outside in the extreme heat.
We take care of each other.
The wild part is, socialists are actually strongly against using “other people’s money.” They’re very anti using loans to do things unlike the democrats and republicans that have no problem infinitely borrowing. Socialist are against taking a loan because it gives the bank some sort of control over the government and it is hard to track the money when you have it coming and going from so many sources, that invites corruption.
yeah because that’s who socialists are going after; laborers, not capital owners. please believe this to be true otherwise they’d start becoming more and more popular.
whoops too late
That bartender’s name? Anheuser-Busch InBev.
Let me try: Three capitalists enter a bar. The first one pays for his drink and doesn’t tip, leaving the bartender with less than minimum wage for the transaction.
The second capitalist leaves without paying since his wealth is in stocks and he can’t be asked to pay for anything.
The third capitalist says: “I just bought the bar, fired half the staff, and sold off most of the furniture. Your bar is now very profitable, and I just sold it for double. Try not to declare bankruptcy before I leave - it bums me out.”
“three socialists walk into a bar, and the Bartender says ‘yo guys, drinks on me, thanks to your free healthcare my brother is still alive, and my mom can afford retirement without a job’”
A socialist walks into a bar. He says that everyone who is able to pay for their own drink should, but those that cannot afford one can have one on the house and then the more wealthy patrons will reimburse the bar. Everybody has a good time.
A very specific Republican walks into a bar. He says that he is fabulously wealthy and that drinks are on him tonight. Everybody drinks to excess. The Republican refuses to pay his tab and leaves with his wealthy friends without saying a word. The bar tries to go after him, but he threatens to take them to court. The other patrons are either unable or unwilling to pay, having drank their fill on the promise that they would not have to. The bar cannot afford to fight a long legal battle, and cannot afford to pay their workers without reimbursement. The bar closes. The republican writes an op-ed in the local newspaper complaining about how homeless and minorities skipping out on their tabs is what killed his favorite bar.
A capitalist walks into a bar and says “Bartender”, but there is no reply because the bartender died of a treatable form of cancer he couldn’t afford to treat.
Since this is a particularly wealthy and well known capitalist that oversees a very profitable health insurance company, the patrons of the small bar take notice.
This is the last time the capitalist is heard or seen. Nobody knows what happened to him.
Each of the bar’s 120 patrons claim to have been asleep at the time.
3 socialist walk into a bar and ask “how much is the actual cost of the drinks? How much are you getting paid? Where is the money going? What’s a fair way to distribute this money?”
Very much more socialist, thank you. Socialists wouldn’t let the bartender cover their tab, they would ask how the bartender might get more of the tab than the scraps he gets thrown by the owner.
So much work has been done to propagandize Americans into thinking that socials is when people who do nothing take things from people who work. It’s to the point that when you describe it as a fair distribution of goods, people just think that’s capitalism.
And “how would you like to be able to afford college?”
“Do you have a say or vote in how this bar is run?”
Them sounds like smartin words. Better watch ur ass round here with that shit.
That doesn’t even relate to socialism. What an idiot.
They have always maintained a willfully ignorant stance on everything they don’t think they like.
They can’t scare their base if they tell the truth.
No but you dont understand. Socialism is when lazy people dont pay for stuff. So they aren’t paying for stuff. But we all know that you can’t just not pay for stuff, someone has to pay for stuff! So the bartender is paying it. Like taxes when someone wants to go to the hospital! Lazy people want to go to the hospital and hand you, a good patriotic hard-working American the bill. And that’s bad. Tsk tsk.
AOC legit got me drunk on margaritas between classes back when I was an undergrad at Parsons and she was a bartender at some Mexican spot off Union Square. We talked about Bernie for a couple of hours, and she was super-cool.
I missed my class, lol
God, they’re so fucking bad at humor
They’ve been told punching at things that scare them makes it funny. They’ve also been taught hate and fear make for good comedy. It’s like they watch all the legendary comics - Carlin, Williams, Pryor, Martin, I could go on - and completely miss the point.
Just like they’ve misunderstood or didn’t bother to look at song lyrics they claimed they were fans of.
Rage Against The Fucking Washing Machine
No, no. Fuck the Police is ahktually about the libs. When NWA says “the police”, they’re talking about “the police state” created by libruls that silences speech because it can hurt snowflake fee fees. They are “coming straight from the underground” as the suppressed fighters for American values and freedoms. /s
Well funny thing is liberals, or in the case of modern politics neo-liberals are a police state creator as well. So they’re not wrong, but the liberals aren’t doing ENOUGH to create a police state THEY want.
I’m attuning to this idea that Nazis and other hateful people were raised on the image of tough people, but never understood the well-meaning elements of those champions of masculinity - the why of their fights.
They need to be taught that a joke without laughter is pathetic. Maybe they already know and that’s why they’re so mad at everyone.
it’s insane, because growing up there were conservatives who were funny.
now they are so deranged and out of touch with basic humanity they cannot make jokes.
Ehh… I remember thinking Dennis Miller was funny for a brief moment before realizing that was just a feeling of superiority for actually getting one of his references. While the joke itself wasn’t very funny.
I’d love to hear some examples of funny conservatives.
galaxy quest is funny, Tim Allen is conservative and was funny back then.
not sure of other examples.
to be a conservative now it’s all Identity politics no humanity and the jokes are just references to things they hate. not even a joke. just dark “blue haired liberal barista, with white guy saying he wants coffee”
blue haired liberal barista
Yes, please. 🤤
i like my blue haired baristas to be at least socialists and unionised, not liberal.
Galaxy Quest is funny in spite of Tim Allen imo
I’ll have to rewatch to confirm, but I don’t want to rewatch Tim Allen so I’ll take your word for it
I dunno, a lot of conservative humor has been punching down.
It is, no doubt.
But grew up with Tim Allen, and hes conservative, but was funny. No one can deny that Galaxy quest is funny.
Modern conservatives are just. not funny.
Tim Allen wasn’t always a conservative, I think that started around George W. Bush era.
Dude was literally a cocaine dealer. Not that conservatives cannot be drug dealers…
I imagine the stuff you’re thinking of (Home Improvement) was years before he ever said anything publicly to suggest he was a conservative.
I’ll give you a maybe, was under the impression that he was always conservative and has gotten worse.
not a hill i really care about.
My understanding is he was abusive as well which tracks still.
I am in no way defending him as a person.
My point is that conservatives have gotten so much worse, they have lost touch with basic humanity, they are incapable of making jokes because that involves some level of humanity to connect to the audience.
Similar things with art, Lion King is a really conservative movie (literally pro apartheid), but god dammit, it is an amazing movie. compare now with conservative movies that are trash.
Well I was more pointing that the usage of power and accruing it is an example of conservative mindsets and why their modern comedy sucks. As you said, it requires empathy and they see that as a weakness, a flaw than what it’s needed.
First rule of political comedy: always punch up
First rule of conservatism: if something scares and/or confuses you, that’s oppression.
Thus, the first rule of conservative comedy: always wildly flail at what you don’t understand.
It was miraculous. It was almost no trick at all, he saw, to turn vice into virtue and slander into truth, impotence into abstinence, arrogance into humility, plunder into philanthropy, thievery into honor, blasphemy into wisdom, brutality into patriotism, and sadism into justice. Anybody could do it; it required no brains at all. It merely required no character.
Joseph Heller, Catch-22I’d even argue it’s the first rule of any comedy: don’t punch down / only punch up
I mostly agree, except some forms of comedy don’t necessarily require punching at all, so only the first half of “don’t punch down, do punch up” ever applies.
Political comedy with no punches, though, is the equivalent of a gritty action movie starring Chuck Schumer as himself.
Oh damn that quote hits hard
Yeah, Joey Hell was a real one ✊🏼
Okay but these three seem like they’d be nice to the waitstaff, leave a tip, and generally have a fun vibe.
And then vote to take money from everyone to subsidize the drinks of the richest man in the bar because it’ll trickle down or some shit.
“I can feel the wealth trickling down. It’s warm… and smells like asparagus!”
Hey wanna come over to my place later? I’m like very hydrated.
“I can taste the bubbles!”
A conservative walks into a bar and exposes himself in the ladies’ restroom. Then he sues the bar for discrimination because a black person was there. He wins the case because the judge is a racist old white guy. The bar goes out of business. His followers celebrate the win in the “war on woke”.
And he was gay the whole time
They already said he was a conservative.
