I’m not on the blocklist 😭
I’m honestly grateful that my appearance repels creepy men but welcomes queer folk
I love being older because i can give compliments - nice shirt, cool glasses, etc.- and they just say thank you and don’t assume I’m flirting. It’s more just human to human. That’s my perception anyway.
One guy told me I was so ugly my face would make a train take a dirt road. Men don’t realize how poorly it reflects on themselves to be so cruel.
I hope you said thank you, Mr. dirt road.
But that would be an awful comeback? The train is still preferring the dirt road.
I was thinking if the train hit this guy, it’d be the end of that lineage
a train will … change … the dirt road
Now that I present more queer with my head shaved and some of my clothing choices, men are more forward about sexualizing other women around me. Thinking I’ll join in or agree. I do internally, because women are generally quite attractive, but it’s weird to be treated like one of the boys sometimes lol
Dag, I’ve been guilty of this, with female coworkers I know are lesbians. Is that weird? To be like “check out the girl over there in the green top”?
It varies person to person, in my experience. Some straight dudes are also uncomfortable with this “guy talk”. And some bi and gay chicks will do it so much it makes me uncomfortable lol
Straight guy here. Would definitely make me uncomfortable.
I don’t think so, you’re just sharing something with someone you know has the same interests. I doubt you’d start catcalling together.
I stopped doing performative femininity gradually about 18 years ago … I stopped using makeup, wearing clothes that showed off my body, uncomfortable shoes, cut my hair short.
It was like putting on an invisibility cloak. It’s been a long time since a man told me I should smile more, and outside of Asia I don’t get men hitting on me, offering me drinks, etc.
With less of the expected gender signifiers, I don’t think I look more ugly, I’m just not signalling anything to men.
The flipside is that in winter, when I’ve got layers on, some women have thought I’m a man when I go to the toilet. Which is fucking stupid, but nudges me closer to an Enby identity, which feels right much of the time these days.
I’m not sure but over the past 18 years the dynamic has changed in general. Even if you were to doll up, most men wouldn’t say anything, since now everybody has a camera in their pocket amd a social media account. So the threat of getting your life ruined over a miss-guided approach is real for men.
How often is a misguided approach really ruining men’s lives though? I’m kinda struggling to imagine an approach to giving a compliment or asking someone out that can be polite, respectful, and well-intended, but still go so off the rails as to wind up on social media and ruin a guy’s life
It isn’t a very realistic scenario - you are completely correct.
Instead what is happening is that sometime around 2005, women complaining about men hitting on them online reached critical mass. The modal woman who might come across these complaints online would agree in solidarity, or else at least not disagree, as to not undermine her lived experience. Hence, the message being spread consistently online was that all women hate being approached at all times, and you are a bad person if you do it.
This message then spread to teens and young men on the internet - many of them trying to find their footing in the dating world, and seeking advice on the internet that they might be too nervous to ask for in real life.
And at the same time, social anxiety has been steadily increasing among young people due to decreased human connection, driven by smartphone use. Tell a random 20 year old to go to their local park and strike up a conversation with a stranger for no reason except that they are at the same park, and they’ll look at you like you just told them to assassinate the prime minister of Czechoslovakia - not only are they sure it is a bad idea, but they are pretty sure it is impossible, since Czechoslovakia hasnt been a country for quite some time now.
So these factors combine. They believe that even approaching a woman already makes them a bad person. Then layer on top social anxiety that makes talking to strangers already horrifying. And the brain comes up with a scenario that justifies the fear: You are a bad person if you approach a woman - you’re a bad person just for thinking about it - so if you actually did such a fucked up thing, it would definitely get recorded and posted online. Everyone would know what a fucked up person you are, you’d probably get MeToo’d, and sent to jail for sexual assault. Better never talk to anyone, just to be safe.
It really hasn’t changed much at all. Men still approach women they find attractive in a variety of ways.
I would say that’s true, except for the idiots with no self awareness or conception of consequences. Those guys will always be a problem
“life ruined”? Normal flirting is sometimes unwelcome but should not be offensive. Someone would have to be acting very much the fool to get blowback from a “misguided approach”.
Other men don’t really realize that men have different tastes.
I’m not really ugly, but I’m not conventionally attractive either, and it’s hard to get men who are super into me to realize that most men aren’t. A lot of dudes who think I am cute have it in their heads I live this easy life being showered with gifts by suitors.
Every time these sorts of questions get posted about xyz attractiveness and people respond saying they are or aren’t attractive, I’m always like “I wanna know what this person looks like”. Not in, like, a horny way - but just for my own edification to know where they are coming from.
So when you made this comment, I clicked on your profile on the offchance you had a picture of yourself.
“Porno artist”.
YES! My curiosity will be satisfied!!
Scrolls down
…
scrolls some more
…
Goddammit, it’s just Resident Evil cartoon porn
I am confused. You’re assuming porno artists mostly draw themselves…?
I think self-portaiture is an art, apparently
Ha, same. I have always called it “minority attractive” because most guys would not be into me, but there is an enthusiastic subset who are.
I don’t think I was ever ugly enough to lose the beauty privilege though, if that makes sense. The bar is not set that high. What I am now is older, though, which starts to work the same way. It gets more difficult to get hired, people don’t see you as much. Lower on the totem pole of priority. I’m ok with it, had sort of a duck-to-swan progression already, back to duck is ok.
Like it might just be the autism but in general I think I get indifference or disinterest. There are definitely men who just don’t like me but I assume it’s not because they think I’m ugly. At least I hope not lol. Still, that’s very much a them problem 🤷♀️
I don’t think I’ve experienced outright cruelty at least none that impacted me. I don’t flirt or shoot my shot really so that might be the main reason why I’m not experiencing anything too negative.
You know that meme of the guy leaning back during gaming and then leaning forward once the game get intense? This is me with this post.
