Social norms, basically. I have unusual ideals about some important but very personal aspects of a relationship. Talking about those aspects early on is seen as a red flag in my community, but not talking about them means we’re probably wasting each other’s time.
You could probably get around this with the right dating apps, but those are data privacy nightmares.
My least favorite thing about love is losing the people I love, no matter how they were lost
Uhh… you… you didn’t murder them did you?
Uhh… No, this world did
every year I get a little older, a little more damaged, and a little less desirable; and the age bracket of people I’d be interested in get more baggage of their own and have more expectations of a potential partner. I’m in my late 20s living with family, and nobody really wants to date me already; I can’t fathom that will improve any in the future being a 30-something living with family (as I will likely still be too poor to leave).
Probably gonna die alone. Can’t wait, this place sucks anyhow.
Looking at late 20s as old blows my mind. I looked at a genealogy site and so many of my ancestresses married in their late 20s. I was surprised by that but apparently it’s never been uncommon. My mom too, she married around age 30.
late 20s is when a lot of my friends gave up on what they thought were their ideal partners and ended up happy with people they never considered in the past.
yeah no I haven’t even managed to lose my v-card or really even have a meaningful romantic relationship, about the closest I came was someone leading me on and playing mind games with me for a few months. 🙃
Given my success so far, it’s easy to extrapolate “when will I find the one?” to “probably never”.
This is unsolicited advice so feel free to ignore, especially if it sounds “twee.”
What i think helps is:
- having a positive mindset, because it’s almost like people can sense when you are yearning to get into a relationship
- in the same vein, treat potential mates as potential good friends. Your first few meetings with them is like their “informal interviews for being a friend.” You can invite them on a date (or just to do something together as friends)1 which is the final interview, which lets them get the higher position in your social circle.
- I don’t say that to complicate what should already be simple; firstly, it’s getting not simple in this day age, because people don’t know what to do with all the dating apps and SM. Secondly, the message is just create a more relaxed low pressure atmosphere for them
- to revisit the first point - this is just something many people say, and i have experienced in my own life: stop seeking a partner and one will stumble into your life. This might be why people already committed relationships get a lot of attention; they seem self satisfied.
I also just want to say that more people are in your position than you think ❤️. Zoomed are the most sexless and relationship generation, after all.
Yes, actually I’ve ceased actively looking for a partner for the better part of a year now. Little has changed, except I now have fewer apps on my phone. (I do still maintain one dating profile on an open source app but I check it on the order of twice a year because the app is dead, feel free to guess which)
More room for memes is cool, I guess
also I’ve tried solicited advice and it rarely helps either, so I don’t really care. It’s on me whether I follow it, and terrible advice is usually not subtle to everyone reading in a public forum. Do your worst, none of us are getting any younger.
Oh my, I actually thought people got less picky when they went longer without getting married. Mixed messages I suppose.
i’m in my late 20s living with family, and nobody really wants to date me already
There’ll be more people in the same situation soon, if that’s any consolation. I’m living with my family during uni and might even be stuck here for a while afterwards.
The actual dating part. Aside from 2 relationships I had in my high school days, everyone I dated I met through dating apps and it just feels forced. Like, we didn’t meet naturally and know literally nothing about each other, so it just feels like work to accomplish a goal and not having fun with a friend. So much effort is spent getting to know the other person and it kinda feels like a job. I wish I could skip that part and just be in the “best friends that have sex” phase forever.
I love getting to know new people. Especially in the context of sexual tension. People are so interesting when it’s about themselves, their emotions, worldviews and preferences.
Getting to know what people are genuinely excited about is always fun! To me at least.
Dating apps make me SICK. They should be wiped out. All of us who oppose them should form our own microstate; we’re anti AI, anti dating apps, I’m sure there’s a lot more common ground than that.
Even though i don’t think I believe in “soulmates” I’m scared that the suitors best suited for me are going to never meet me because women my age seem afraid of relationships that aren’t struck up via dating app.
Someone showed interest in me then gave me the cold shoulder because apparently not having social media means I’m not “on the dating market”? I’m worried it will happen again ad infinitum, basically.
Maybe don’t force it? Just hang out with them. If it’s fun, do it again.
I wish I could skip that part and just be in the “best friends that have sex” phase forever.
“Success is your journey, not your destination”.
All the goddamn lying.
The fact that not every hot person wants to fuck me. It is truly the great tragedy of my life.
Right now, I’ve gotten attached enough to get sad when he leaves. And like, we live apart, so he has to leave every time.
Time to wife him then.
The expectation on me to be the instigator/aggressor in all interactions. In either connotation of that statement
it also means all fault and responsibility is in your camp, and the other person considers themselves blameless in all things.
In certain places and frameworks. It’s happened the other way around where I live to where dudes got to walk free after SAing a child. But either was seems to not be as much of a thing in cultures that are less focused on punitive justice
Yes it’s -_-
The way it requires socially navigating talking to another person.
The “getting to know you” phase. All the same questions and answers, where are you from, what are your hobbies, how many brothers and sisters do you have, giving the same answers as always but pretending not be bored by it.
Things are much better once you either get past that stage or mutually decide it doesn’t matter and just get to what you came for
You can just skip that if you want. No one is making you do it.
I personally don’t mind that. I must be a really pro-small talk person. Or socially deprived already.
The smells
The „what are we to each other“ phase. Granted, that’s probably more of an issue for me than most others because I‘m poly / non-monogamous, so the expectation that intense flirting leads to more often isn’t there.
I‘ve been in so many situations where both sides were unsure how far the other side wants to go. Do I just kiss them? Do I ask for a kiss? Do I call them my partner? Would openly asking scare them away? Do I fuck up by not doing any of that? Sometimes it feels like two teenagers in a romance story who are very much into each other but too scared to do anything about it.
In one case it has been going for years. We flirt a lot, we hug and cuddle and for a while we kissed every time we met. Then I said „I love you“ and they got scared that those words come with expectations. We talked about it but no more kisses so far.
I usually get told to slow down, didn’t realise at first that there was any societal expectation not to just show as much passion as you’re feeling. I guess it stems from women wanting their male mates to demonstrate an ability to have self control, as that’s desirable in a mate and men tend more to rush towards physical things - and the same also applies for gay couples, i’m sure.
They’re like, a whole different person with different wants and needs than me, so like, I have to listen to them and communicate and sometimes I even have to do things I don’t want to just because they do? It’s all very annoying and it would be much easier if they just thought and did everything just the way I wanted all the time.
I have 2 kids as well as my wife, so I now have 3 other whole separate people whose wants and needs I have to consider. I love my wife and kids dearly and wouldn’t want to live without them, but single life was much easier in some regards.
Have you seen What We Do in the Shadows (TV series)? That didn’t work out too well for Nandor.
That is why dating your own clone will be all the rage in the future.
I want my romantic clone to be the opposite sex
At first I agreed, then realized I would make a quite ugly woman.
also why AI companions are going to be a huge thing in the near future and already exploding in popularity.
Not having them but having to hear other people talk about them constantly.
I’m polyamorous. Working out calendars 2-3 weeks in advance gets very tiring.
