Many of us have heard the deprecating characterizations of many countries. Like Putin described the UK as an “insignificant little Island”, and Russia has been characterized as a “mob run gas station” or Trump calling El Salvador, Haiti and African countries as “shithole countries”.
Let’s flip things around for a bit of fun. After a heavy night of drinking with your country’s head of tourism, you have one shot to give your best self-depricating characterization of your country for a new border sign.
I’ll go first:
Welcome to Canada - Enjoy world class sexual assault in sport – Come and play!
welcome to orbanistan, recently renamed for our new glorious leader! we’re the perfect hangout spot for commies for that raw soviet vibe, because we sure as hell haven’t progressed since. indulge yourself in a thousand intricate flavours of hate, walk the depressed streets of our only city, or simply enjoy our currency making you feel like a millionaire just for being able to afford to visit.
“The world thinks we are efficient and have no humor. In reality, our trains are a joke.”
Open house smorgasbord
Lazy and rent-seeking. Go figure.
I tried, but it came out more bitter than self-deprecating
Duitchland but small and with cheese
Small patch of unnaturally flat earth filled to the brim with a mix of moody, always busy, direct to your face, cheese farm descendants turned bureaucrats, drug-den youngsters, aging white boomers that own every piece of real-estate and immigrants from EVERY corner of the planet, all 18 million of whom are perpetually unfulfilled in life even though they’re supposedly ranked 7th in world’s best list. - “Happy” Holland
We get left off maps…often!
What’s that island again? Tanzania? No… Tazmania? Yes, that must be the one.
New Tasmania!
“Australia is the arse end of the world.”
Attributed (and slightly paraphrased) to ex-Prime Ministers Kevin Rudd, Paul Keating (who later denied saying anything of the sort), and Bob Hawke (need a necromancer to find out if he really said it).
Would you like to supersize that description for only a dollar more?
Welcome to Belgium: Rubber or Hands?
Dynasty
We’re nice now, we swear, please buy our cars.
Either Japan or Germany!
I can’t speak for them but I’d suspect Japan has moved on to “please buy our big breasted animu babes douzo yoroshikuwu”. Good for them honestly.
Oh man, where to start - America
Turkey managed to convert a secularist revolution into a religious dictatorship.
