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This is the same logic that makes Kanye. musk, and trump all act the way they do…
Stop fucking act like shame isn’t a useful concept. Some people. Are shitty and yelling them to “ignore the haters” isn’t fucking helping them or society
On the contrary your logic also doesnt hold. Shame has nothing to do with the root of the idea, so I dont exactly know why its introduced in the first place. Also it starts with a genetic fallacy, which disregards the sole message - of being mindful of what you do - as such, being a cunt isnt on the list.
It can backfire if your opinion of yourself is toxic to you genuinely
i have a strong opinion of myself. it’s not positive. even in the slightest.
when people say bad things about me I believe them. i don’t remember anything positive. cause I assume they’re just wrong.
Same!
I’ve even chased friends away either because they got tired of me doubting their sincerity when they say nice things, or because I got tired of annoying them by doubting their sincerity when they say nice things. Either way, I couldn’t deal with the constant anxiety of “I don’t know if I can trust you because you’re not openly insulting me.”
Some people might think I have a humiliation fetish. I don’t. I’m just extremely insecure and humiliation is what I’m used to. Like a comfort zone almost. It’s familiar territory, unlike affection or admiration. I’ve ended relationships because I couldn’t understand why or how a person could genuinely like me for who I am, so I thought it must be part of some plot to destroy me.
I’m similar. i have had close groups of friends before but I always assume I’m unwanted so I tend to withdraw and quietly leave. or try to leave. and people are confused and ask me to stay.
and I just end up looking at them like they’re lost or something.
Same. I tend to agree with the bad things people say about me, and disagree with the good. (mostly)
🫂
thank you 🥲💜 needed that today :)
This is a hard one to distill into a quick catchy phrase. Your opinion of yourself matters, but how your actions affect other people also matters. There has to be a balance between your self opinion and how other people feel about your actions.
“Fuck the haters” philosophy only creates enemies and we should strive to build connections. But at the same time you shouldn’t be slave to other people’s opinions. There is a ton of nuance to this topic.
Anyone know if there’s a German word that encapsulates this ideal
Narrow-foreheaded.
But there is a good quote by a German writer about OPs topic:
„What do you do“ Mister K. was asked „when you love a person?“ „I make a sketch of them“ said Mister K. „and work towards them becoming similar.“ „Which? The sketch?“ „No“ said Mister K. „the person.“ ―Bertolt Brecht
Open mindness is what is beneficial here. It is important to realise if the moment is better with other peoples feels or your own feel. For a start however, it is important to focus on yourself first; this is not egotistical - but a strategic action for your and everyone’s good.
My strong belief of myself is that other people are better off without me and yet my friends keep on trying to prove me wrong with their own unfounded opinions about me. I’m staying strong.
See, you’re a fantastic person that’s worth having around. Unfortunately, you seem to be a shit judge of character. Particularly your own.
To an extent imo. If you keep hearing the same things from everyone you might wanna reflect a little.
Assuming you have a broad life experience.
If all the opinions you’re getting come from a reduced slice of mankind, you can’t really conclude that you yourself are in the wrong (or that you yourself are the one who is right) - logically you just don’t have enough information to determine it for sure.
(The most obvious example being living in a cult, but even just living surrounded by people with just one set of political beliefs is another example if it - if the opinions you get come from a narrow slice of very similar people, the fact that you don’t follow their values might actually be due to their values being shit rather than your having a problem. Another much broader example is how being an Introvert isn’t wrong just because over 2/3 of people are Extroverts who tend to assume “everybody likes to go to parties” or something such)
I would say that the healthy posture is the “reflect a little” part in what you wrote: take the feedback in, ponder on it and really look into yourself, but don’t just accept as correct the majority opinion in your social circle. Such introspective posture is especially good when coupled to the willingness to accept that sometimes we just don’t know and can’t really make a determination either way (something which in my experience is pretty uncommon) - rephrasing what I wrote above, sometimes the “sample” from were you’re taking those outside opinions is far from representative from the general mankind.
Unless you suck. In which case, listen to the people who tell you to do better.
The problem here is a lot of people who don’t suck think they do
Mostly the good ones, it’s the ones who suck and don’t think they do that you need to watch out for.
This sounds suspiciously like someone telling me how I oughtta be.
This is a meme?
How
THISS
Then you become one of the most ridiculed archetypes in comedy: that deluded person with zero self awareness
I like to think I’m fairly self-aware. I’m always thinking about how others will react to / judge what I say or do.
But, I also don’t listen much about people’s opinions of me; the positive ones are usually false, and I’m usually already aware of the negative ones.
That’s what humility is for
