Back when I was in elementary school, I had a classmate named “Noah Bates” and they called him Master Bates as a joke. I didn’t understand at the time so I want home and asked my mom why they kept calling him that, and why this was supposed to be funny. She couldn’t explain, was all flustered, and eventually said that it was a sexual innuendo, which I also didn’t understand the meaning of. We never had any other serious discussions about sex or drugs. Parents never drank alcohol even so I figured it was a non-starter with them.
We had sex ed in high school, but they spoke of it in terms my brain didn’t understand. “It’s better than any drug” yes but I haven’t done any drugs yet, so that is a meaningless comparison to me. A pretty dry and technical rundown of it. The DARE officer brought that suitcase full of drugs that shows you what each one is supposed to look like, and all I remember is wondering what they all did. I also had to write a paper on why drugs were bad, and I got hallucinogens as a topic. The only thing I could come up with that misconstruing a dangerous situation and injuring yourself.
There never were any conversations about either.
I was about 8 years old: “You wanna know what beer tastes like? Here, gross right? So you’re never going to drink one again right?”
He did the same with cigarettes immediately after.
In my teen years: “I’m not going to lie to you son, sex feels great. But if you do it with the wrong person it can ruin the rest of your life and you’ll never get to do it again so make sure she’s right for you before you do it or you’ll regret it for the rest of your life”
Basically don’t use drugs or you’ll destroy your life.
Sex was avoided as a topic, but we were taught that premarital sex is a sin. I was also teased as a kid about having crushes on girls (I’m male), despite my adament (and truthful) denials, and othertimes they’d joke that I’d change my mind once I was older. I won that though - turns out I was gay and never did change my mind.
As for LGBT issues, it was so taboo / not talked about that I didn’t even connect my confusing feelings for male classmates with me being gay until I was 18. I thought everyone felt like that and was frustrated when they wouldn’t reciprocate those emotions back.
I genuinely can’t remember my parents ever talking to me about sex.
Catholic middle school “educated” me. I remember going to see a lady who yelled out a dozen or two names of various STIs as part of some abstinence bullshit.
Honestly not sure if it was a good or bad thing that I didn’t really know I was gay back then. but I sure as hell am glad I went to public high school instead of a catholic one.
Mom and dad never said much about drugs or alcohol, but they never did drugs or drank, Or at least I never saw evidence of them drinking and doing drugs.
Sex, on the other hand, they were and still are kinda weird about. They picked on me for being attracted to women/girls (I’m male) and the idea that I might find a man attractive was too horrible an idea for them to even entertain the thought of. (I’m not exactly on one side of the ol’ Kinsey scale) This caused issues with me as a teenager of course, and colored my interactions with people until I’d met a few nice women who weren’t weird about sex.
The weirdest thins is they still get weird and accusatory about sex. They at least keep it to themselves since the incident where I had to finally say “You guys know im in my 40’s, right? That tall cougar-looking woman over there? I’m married to her. I Have a kid with her. This is normal human life. We don’t require your advice or judgement.”
Never had either of those conversations with my parents. They drank heavily, fought constantly, and for the last 5-6 years of their marriage we lived in an abandoned house so it probably wouldn’t have been a great talk. Instead I just swore I’d be different and in most ways I am.
How do you live in an abandoned house for 6 years? That is occupied?
I suppose it was. The method is drive down dirt roads until you think you see a roof poking through the brush. Take the address to the courthouse and look up who owns the land, then call. We lived there for free, granted it was an old drafty house and was missing window panes here and there. Those we filled with cardboard or plywood (cut to fit the hole), and tapped into place. Our bathroom didn’t have a door, sink (it had a sink, but it was never hooked up), or floor leading up to it (just step joist to joist and don’t rush or you could fall into the dirt/mud under that end of the house).
I’m in my 40s now and just in the past decade or so did I realize how bad it looked from the outside looking in, but to a kid, that was just life. I thought everyone had multiple refrigerators because when one quits working, you just go to the auction and get another to put beside it, as kids we thought it was funny to tell guests to open the other one because it got insanely gross after a while (maggots, black slime that food eventually turned into, etc.).
From what I remember, pretty casual. I was real young when I first heard about boners on a ytp video, but I don’t think my mom explained what it was because I was too young. Otherwise, it was chill on the sex front. Got a talk from my dad for some reason on a 2 person paddle boat on a lake. Otherwise, that’s all I can remember of my parents talking sex ed to me, which is fine since I am a pretty safe sex positive person despite never doing it with anything but my hand.
As for drugs, also pretty relaxed. My parents wouldn’t wanna see us doing any hardcore drugs but are fine with drugs in most situations. Exception being things like when doctors wanted to give an adult dose of addictive pain killers to my older brother who was pre-teen at the time. They would also rather we do drugs at home in case something happens. Same thing with drinking. They’re also okay with weed, but I am the only person in the immediate family who doesn’t do it ar all ( health reasons ).
Same rules applied to alcohol, but I never really drank until legal age because I was more boring as a teen than I currently am.
lol. don’t do drugs. sex does not exist.
I see you also recieved the universal basic education.
that was parents. I was lucky enough that the public education system went through the parts and disease and pregnancy and birth control and disease prevention. Kinda funny though as they never really get into the sex act. Even the catholic junior high I went to covered the parts and how babies were made but did not talk about birth control except none are guaranteed so celibacy is the only sure way to not get pregnant/impregnate or get disease. They also seperated girls and boys for the class.
I refer to your original statement as the universal basic education that patents give when they’re too awkward to talk about sex. Your original statement covered the entirety of what I was told. My school said nothing of sex ed. My biology teacher asked us to read the chapter on reproduction ourselves because she wasn’t going to cover it but it would be on the finals. So I’m basically self taught for all matters involving sex. The rule was that no one is to speak of sex. Even drugs weren’t talked about at all. It was just presumed that drugs will be avoided. Smoking was discouraged strongly enough that I think it was presumed that the same message applied to any substance misuse.
“Everybody who does marihuana ends up doing hard drugs!” - my mother, social worker.
Yeah, sex doesn’t exist.
My mom bought some kinda picture book series to explain it to me gradually as I grew up. I think they were aged by grade or something and we were supposed to read one a year? Little me read constantly and I blew through all the Goosebumps I had checked out from the library and went looking for something else. I found the baby making book stack on the floor in my mom’s room, sat down, and read all of them. Then I went and told my mom her books were weird. She was mortified. She made me dad debrief with me that night and she never mentioned it again.
I think they day don’t want me doing drugs because I might take theirs. That was the vibe I got.
My dad told me we were going to talk about sex. I asked him what he wanted to know. That was the end of the conversation.
You did a dad joke on your dad. Impressive
He sure showed that mother fucker.
My mom asked me if I liked girls once. That’s the only time I can recall anything close to either of those topics coming up.
Holy shit we can edit titles here. I got to fix a typo; what a dream. Fuck Reddit.
Haha welcome to the fediverse, glad you’re enjoying it.
Lemmy legitimately does just have an incrementally better design, besides just being free and non-enshittifiable.
(Except “under the hood”, where it’s a bit of a mess)
what’s wrong under the hood?
I don’t code so idk the deep dive but from what I’ve seen from the people who run my instance, there’s a lot of features missing and sometimes updates break things.
Last I checked, Piefed, despite being written in a scripting language, manages to be much faster and lighter.
I can’t comment too much on database best practices, but apparently the way Lemmy uses them is borderline insane. It does just visually look pretty speghetti-code-ish, in those sections. Hopefully, one day somebody will come along and fix that.
The rest seems fine.
My parents said that they would let me drink under their supervision once I turned 16. I didn’t take them up on the offer because i wasn’t interested. Any time my Mom lit a cigarette I would start talking about how bad it was for her. So they never felt a need to talk to me about other drugs. Eventually when I waa 20 I let a girl talk me into drinking with her at her place when her parents were out of town, and she’s my wife now.
For sex, my parents were like “you talked about that stuff in school right? You know to use protection?” And I was like, “yeah I’m good”.
I was a responsible youth, the one in the friend group always thinking about the consequences and long-term effects of actions. My parents knew they didn’t have to worry about me.
