Last year I went on many dates and the average expense was like $25. Yes, I did sometimes go out to restaurants, but they’d be either coffee shops with food or fast casual places. And yes I pay for her meal too. How are people spending $200 on a night out?
Wait it’s the average vs the median probably. A couple extreme outliers are inflating the average.
Wife and i would eat out about once a week sometime 2-3 times for the past 20 years, now it’s once ever 2-3 months at best.
I have no idea how niche I am, but I wouldn’t want to date anyone who is ok spending $200 on a date. Lets walk in the park and talk for hours. That’s my kinda date.
Wait, you guys are getting dates?
i get a few dates a month, yeah. it’s easy. just be tall and look rich.
just be tall and look rich.
Well… shit.
fake it until you make it.
Relatively new to dating via apps as an elder millennial freed from a life time of monogamy. (Only been at it 6 months)
Who are these people who want to go on a first date that involves being in a situation like a restaurant?
Seems like with apps people skip the whole courting thing and jump straight in to something that should only be for once you get to know each other a bit better.
For me, first meeting is a coffee or a drink at a well populated cafe or bar. Maybe a walk after somewhere busy in the city.
Maybe I’m just old and out of touch.
No, you’re right. People don’t date for relationships, maybe some think they are, but really it’s just having a dinner experience and potentially getting laid and moving on.
The mainstream apps owned by match group as well as bumble appear to have a lot of people like you describe. I am sure there are decent people on there also, it’s just the signal to noise ratio sucks, as well as the whole gamified bullshit of the apps themselves. I uninstalled Tinder/hinge/bumble not long after trying them and I have no plans to return. I suspect people who would put up with the way tinder functions are the same people who would put up with forced ads on their phone and smart tv etc. I would not be a good fit for people like that.
I’ve had a lot of success on less mainstream apps by simply being honest about what I’m looking for (ENM / casual ongoing) and have found many with the same views.
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For me the getting to know you was chatting on the app, I chatted with my now fiance for a few weeks before we actually met up at a restaurant, I felt like I knew him well enough that a restaurant was fine
Glad it worked out for you.
But I can’t help but wonder what if when you met in person it wasn’t what you were expecting?
Would it have felt like a waste of texting effort?
all dating is a waste of effort. some people get lucky, some people just go on endless dates that go on where, or get into relationships that go no where.
if you find a LTR or get married or whatever, you’re not dating anymore.
going for a coffee or a walk was never a popular thing to do on a dating app. it only ever was during the pandemic when everyone had to be outside
going for a drink or dinner or an activity, was. all my first dates are drinks, movies, food.
it’s just that going out 5-10 years ago was cheap, now it’s expensive. but that’s true of everything.
A movie seems like a terrible idea for a first date, you spend all that time watching the movie instead of actually focusing on each other. Coffee is one of the best things to do.
it’s actually good, because you have a shared expereince to talk about after.
you don’t watch the movie and go home. you TALK about the movie.
So the first date is like a 3 to 4 hour affair minimum? Coffee can be as short as an hour, and I can dip after 15 if it’s not going well. Much more time efficient
No? It’s like an 2-3 hours. Most movies that aren’t marvel movies are like 90m long, then you chat for an hour over a drink or food. then you go home.
i dunno where you live, but most restaurants/bars here are very fast because they are tryign to turn over customers as much as possible. most coffee shops have a 15-20m seating limit now too. you can’t just order 1 coffee and sit there 2 hours and if you spend 2 hours for a single drink the wait staff will ask you to leave.
Average feature film length has been 120 minutes since the 2000’s, and it’s been trending upwards since then. Even if the movie is only 90 minutes though, you’re still gonna be in the theater for at least two hours anyways, between standing in line for popcorn/snacks/drinks and sitting through previews. And if you’re gonna follow up with a drink or food anyways, you could just… skip the movie lol
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to police people’s first dates, and if both parties want to go see a movie and get a drink after, great. In today’s dating ecosystem though, for the majority of people, the prospect of sitting in a dark room with a near stranger for 90-120 minutes is uncomfortable, and usually not a very good first date idea.
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The person you’re dating doesn’t interest you?
Cold talk and starting a conversation with someone you never met is not a natural skill for everyone; myself included - I am extrovert when being around people I know or people someone who is with me knows, but shut as a clam when with strangers.
Doing something together that you can talk about to get to know each other’s preferences and what you picked up from the experience is a great way to break the ice.
I particularily enjoy going to a museum, theatre or music concert on a date, and try to suggest something I haven’t seen or heard before.
most people I meet are not interesting, no.
But that’s why you go on the date, to see if they are interested or not. And one way to do that is to see how they react to a shared experience. Or you find out they hate what you love.
You got to cut out a lot of people if you want to make $200 an “average”
Who is spending $200 on a first date‽
people with money. if you are a professional single person you’re making like 200K a year, a $200 dinner is chump change.
if you live in a city full of professionals, that’s a common expectation. especially as you get older.
Just going out for two cocktails where I live is $50. add two appetizers, now you’re looking at close to $100.
I make more than that and $200 for dinner is not “chump change”.
Maybe date people who are responsible with money.
Money isn’t worth anything until you spend it. Very easily to have an extra $200 in your pocket after all your expenses and savings targets have been hit, when you’re making that kind of money.
I don’t think it’s irresponsible to grab a bottle of wine with dinner or front the door fee for a trendy night club.
I also don’t think you need to drop $200 to have a good time. Street food and public theaters and dive bars are also options.
But if you’ve done that before and you want to try the Michelin star restaurant or do the scotch tasting menu or the omakasi with a cutie you just met?
Article claims nearly half of singles but you are talking 1% people.
I’ll adjust my head canon to mean 1% singles amount to nearly half of all singles. i.e. the 1% has disproportionally large amount of singles. :)
women that are vain no doubt, and guys that are cheapskate and expect the date to pay.
We’re not talking enough about
Paul Dilda, BMO’s head of U.S. consumer strategy
That’s like 30 minutes with a mid-tier escort.
How do you know?
Wow, I don’t know, like, some sort of, like, interconnected electronic information repository I can query?
I can even find out the atomic weight of gold! Let me prepare my stack of punch cards and I’ll being them to the data center tonight. I hope I don’t drop them!
How do you not know? ;) j/k, but I think occasionally the prices do pop up in some posts or articles
Holy shit. And here I thought that the price of a cup of coffee was less than $10.
Because that’s what you do on a first date - coffee and chat, either at the coffee house or on a walk near it.
Spending $$$ on a first date is a great way for any guy to get hosed, and just sets up unrealistic expectations. You don’t do anything expensive until several dates in, once compatibility and mutual interest have been confirmed.
coffee house dates are awful. they are not romantic or and they are in the middle of the day so you have to go on a weekend.
coffee places are not open at night during the week anymore.
You shouldn’t spend any money on her until you’ve had sex, so she doesn’t feel pressure to put out after an expensive dinner. Ideally, she should put out before the date even begins, just to make her feel more secure.
This feels like the PUA equivalent of giving a dog a pill in peanut butter, you’re killing me XD
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This article draws all the wrong conclusions from the design of the survey itself. That’s the average date expense, for all single people, to include:
- Rich people who don’t mind paying more for dinners out.
- People who have been dating a long time, on their later dates with someone they’re already steadily dating and/or fucking.
- Other expenses of a date, to include hair and makeup and other styling.
Digging into one of the surveys discussed in the article shows that the cost of a first date has climbed to $93.
$93 is more in line with what I’d expect. And yes, that price tag can price a lot of people out of bringing someone they don’t know well yet on a formal sit down date.
I went to look up the menu at the place where my wife and I had our first date, in an expensive city. If we ordered what we ordered that night, except with today’s prices, I think we would’ve spent about $30 on food, $50 on wine, and 30% on tax and tip for a total of about $105. We also split the tab. And that’s with someone who I had already met in person in a few places (friends of friends), had already established rapport over the phone, and already knew that we both loved the restaurant we were meeting at.
Obviously we need more cheap/free third places in the mix. And our society would benefit from better income/wealth equality. But while we live in this current situation, people should be generally be ramping up in closeness before spending real money on dates in places they wouldn’t have otherwise gone to. I couldn’t imagine spending real money before getting to know someone at least enough to know whether I like them and enjoy being around them.
The world isn’t like that though.
The reality of the world is most people want to meet at a bar or do an activity, and that costs money. And men are expected to pay for the dating. Splitting the tab is now very rare. People are a lot more traditionally sexist than they were 10-20 years ago.
I date. Most women want to be wined and dined, or they want to do a trendy activity date. Even if I take a woman out to a museum and a glass of wine, it’s going to run me $100. Museum tickets are 30-40 dollars pp, and the wine is going to be 15-20 a glass.
Women I met used to offer to split, but that basically stopped happening post pandemic. Now they never offer to split. I’ve also noticed surge in women demanding traditional gender role dating both in person and on dating apps. Nobody is a feminist anymore like they were 10 years ago. They all want ‘masculine men’ and they want to be ‘feminine women’. A lot more women I meet now are now asking me if I am ‘actually straight/gay’ now too. No woman was asking me if I was gay 10 years ago. Gender expectations have changed and regressed.
Article is talking about the dating world, as it is, as of 2026. Not how it used to be, not how it ought to be.
You’re living in a prison of your own making. I hope you escape one day.
yeah, I’m also impinging that gas prices aren’t 5 bucks a gallon right now. it’s totally a figment of my imagination!
if i just think different, they were magically be 3 bucks again.
You’re completely missing their point friend. You think you HAVE to spend $100+ on a date and that’s “just reality”. You could go on a date for free if you really wanted to. But no, you HAVE to spend $100+ for a date you don’t have a choice you NEED to spend $100+ or nobody would ever agree to go on a date.
We’re all living in prisons of our own creation cuz we get an idea in our head and think that’s how it HAS to be.
do you date?
nobody goes on free walking dates dude. at least proper adults. that is a construct your in your head.
last time i went on a ‘walking date’ i was a in my early 20s. yeah it was fine back then. 35 year old women dont’ wanna go for walks in the park, they want to go on a proper date.
I can see the guard has those gates firmly shut and chained. Hoping you can get out some day.
And fyi, I went on a 3 hour walk in a park with my now partner on our first date. Getting to know someone is the most important part of a date and you can do that for free, if you would only believe that you could. Maybe the people you are trying to date don’t want to do things like “go for a walk” or “get to know the other person”.
cool, was she a 40 year old woman in 2026 at that time?
No? Gee it’s almost as if you are projecting your past experiences into the present/future.
just like when grandpa used to talk about marrying grandma and popping out 3 kids the time he was 24. that is nice and all, but it’s not 1956 anymore. it’s 2026. nobody in their sane mind in 2026 thinks teenagers should be marrying at 17/19 and popping out 3 kids. the world has changed.
just like 20 years ago nobody had computers in their pockets and social media didn’t exist.
lecture me all you want grandpa about how it ‘should be’, it won’t change the fact it’s 2026 and this is how the world works today. i suppose you think a new house should only cost 5,000 dollars too? i got a newflash for you, homes now cost well over 500K and new ones are closer to a million dollars. clearly that’s my fault, the prison of my mind is what is making housing prices so high… if only i had a ‘positive attitude’ homes would be magically be 5000 dollars again! or my income would be 500K a year! clearly it’s a personal failing of mine, not at all the economy or market conditions over which no single person has any control…
I think this guy drives a truck he struggles to afford…
i drive a hatchback that gets 40mpg. the women i meet want me to drive a gas guzzling truck, because it’s ‘masculine’.
the point you don’t understand is you can’t create reality around you by thinking happy thoughts.
reality exists whether you acknowledge it or not. buying a different car won’t change the basic economic facts of reality that govern the cost of things. i can choose not to ever eat out, but the prices of restaurants will not change because i eat there or not, they will continue to rise and many people will be happy and eager to pay them.
the women i meet want me to drive a gas guzzling truck, because it’s ‘masculine’.
well, that’s me fucked,i drive an ecar I charge of my solar panels, i also have and prefer my ebike
but to be fair, I don’t need to tilt the front of my seat up on my bike to have it mash into my balls for ball maxing
as theres noting more masculine and ball maxxing then making your own fuel :)
it’s fucked, but what isn’t in 2026? our government is fucked, our economy is fucked, dating is fucked.
A lot more women I meet now are now asking me if I am ‘actually straight/gay’ now too.
wot ? do they ask you if you’re vegan while you’re eating a steak ?
They all want ‘masculine men’ and they want to be 'feminine women
why are we dating and not fucking ? :)
Article is talking about the dating world, as it is, as of 2026. Not how it used to be, not how it ought to be
indeed.
i read books, i cook, my apartment is very clean. i have a pet cat. it makes them uncomfortable that I do these things.
women think this means you are not a real straight man. real straightmen can’t cook, they don’t eat, and they are gross and dirty and they have a dog.
literately have had more than one woman over to my place tell me it creeps her out that my place is too clean and i must have maid service, so i say no i just like to keep it clean, and they immediately get upset. probably because they hire a maid service and are slobs.
Move, maybe? Do you live in a red state?
I live in Boston. I love it here. I own a home and it’s the best living here.
I’m not moving just to get laid more. Thanks.
Surprised you’re running into so many gender-trads in Boston.
Then again, rent in Boston is crazy; maybe it’s not manliness, but that they are looking for breadwinners? Men with beacoup bucks don’t clean. You said you drive a practical car, not a status symbol. Dogs with pedigrees are expensive. Etc.
People in Boston are socially conservative. They are mostly center-right democrats, not progressives. They like Hillary Clinton, and they HATE Bernie Sanders. They hate poor people just as much as the republicans do, they just don’t hate them based on race or sex, they just hate them for not being rich and going to elite colleges.
I’m a progressive, and yeah most women here are turned off by that. They want a traditional guy who will pay their bills for them so they can quit working and travel with his money. And yes, they all have $10,000 dogs.
My dog is a $200 rescue dog. So was my cat. If i don’t clean my apartment would be disgusting from all the fur covering everything.
I’m not going to pretend that I understand everything happening to today’s young daters, but what you’re describing isn’t true in my circles (which skew older and richer, but where the people going on dates are more likely to be divorced and/or have children from prior relationships, but where $200 on a weeknight dinner is not unusual or a financial stretch).
More importantly, I still stand by my description of how the article mangled the underlying studies. Dating can be expensive, but not everyone who goes on a $200 date in that survey is going on a first date with a stranger, and $93 is probably a better metric to follow to understand what is happening.
The rest of my comment is just a description of what I believe will both reduce the amount of money spent on first dates and increase the expected value of that date by deferring any decision to spend any money by only going on dates with people you already kinda know and already like. If you don’t believe that advice is practical for your current circumstances, I’m sorry to hear that, but I wonder if you can find another way to achieve similar effects.
i can’t change the world around me anymore than i can lower gas prices.
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“wHy ArEn’T tHe YoUnGeR gEnErAtIoNs GeTtInG mArRiEd AnD hAvInG cHiLdReN??”
marriage and children is more expensive than dating, by far. full time childcare costs are 2-5K per kid, for about 4-5 years before they can get into kindergarten. if one partner makes less than 50-75K, it makes no sense for them to work.
nordic nations with lots of subsidies also have kow birthrates
if you give women choice, (education, careers etc) they mostly choose 0, 1 or 2 kids at most, all of those choices are below replacement. For every woman choosing 0, you need another choosing 5 just to stand still.
If you take away choice, keep women mostly at home, use religious indoctrination (quiver full) and insist upon a patriarchal society sans birth control you’ll raise the birthrate. It’s why many conservatives are starting to talk about banning birth control, where once they frowned on teen moms, they’re now advocating for it.
True, but unless you or your partner are against the very idea, most prospective relationships start with dating, then are moving toward marriage, children, or both.
That’s why you can communicate early into dating that you don’t want to have kids.
yes, and mostly 1 or 2 kids at most which is a falling birthrate, for every woman that chooses 0, you need another to choose 5 basically just to stand still.
some well-off professionals in nyc, have basically started ‘plantonic co-parenting’ arrangements.
as in, two well-off couples produce a child, but are not romantically involved, the child is basically a small business they co-own and invest in… and the child is not a product of love, but a product of financial investment of each partner…
basically child production without dating, marriage, or any personal relationship between the parents.
that’s where we are today. the concept of a loving family is now being replaced by purely transactional relationships that are treated as business arrangements. can’t wait to see how those children turn out… but hey at least they will have trust funds for their lifelong therapy about why mommy and daddy didn’t love them or each other, or anyone but themselves. and mommy and daddy will probably also want them to be good little business executives who have no soul anyway, because having human attachments would get in the way of their work-life and their corporate ladder climbing!
what? with my current girlfriend we had an ice cream and a walk. these americans are crazy.
It’s not everyone. My first date with my husband, we went to a modestly priced restaurant. Looking at their menu now, it’s $20 a plate for a lot of food (plus tip). We had them cater our wedding. But that was back in 2015. Also, we’re a gay couple, not sure how that has influenced dating habits.
Haha same. We went for a walk and had a coffee.
For a moment I thought you were talking about your previous girlfriend.
American dating is is stuck in the 1950s.
It’s really not stuck in the 50s, it’s controlled by tech. Some tech lord could step on your ability to get a date on any online dating, which is most of dating now, outside of friends hooking up friends.
We could have a long conversation about how online dating sucks, and has gotten worse as companies maximize revenue and the oligarchy has tightened control of everything.
No, it’s not.
Nobody is controlling online dating. Stop with the conspiracy nonsense.
The issue with online dating is everyone wants the best they can get, but they can’t get it, so they ignore realistic options and chase unrealistic ones. And they double down on this after every bad relationship, thinking they need to ‘raise the bar’, but all they do is price themselves out of the market by having expectations that like only 1% of the dating pool can ever measure up to.
People do this to themselves. Like the article says, their expectations for first dates are too high so they just give up, but what they won’t do is ‘lower their standards’. They won’t accept dates that are less than $200 because they ‘know what they are worth’, even though very few partners can realistically afford such dates. Not to mention, the bar/cost only gets higher with time. If you expect a $200 first date, you expect a $1000 date a month or two later. So basically the only guys who can afford to date are finance bros or tech bros with massive incomes and wealth.
I had a short term girlfriend a few years ago, who broke up with me because our first ‘nice’ date was only $300. She expected me to spend $500 and really said if I wanted to impress her I should have spent $1000. This was just a dinner. I made about 90K a year at the time, and she made 70K… she basically expected me to spend 1/4 of my monthly pay on a single dinner…
fast forward 5 years and shit has only gotten worse.
Match . com bought almost all of the dating sites. And the rest have consolidated.
If you think that the tech lords didn’t set up ways to hurt people they don’t like from their perch, or that the government and their connected pals don’t have them do that for them too, you are quite mistaken. They did it because they can, it’s as simple as that.
You are shown people they decide, you are shown as they decide, by their black box calculations, and their laughably bad matching of people based on their flawed personality tests.
That said, while the tech lords can step on some schmuck surreptitiously, what you describe is far more common. Dinner and a movie and drinks is just so expensive now, it’s not even an option for many people. Your costs in your example I consider astronomical, good riddance to her, that personality would leave you for someone richer first chance she found.
Also people just have an idea of what they want and exclude people based on their criteria in a way they wouldn’t be so quick to do with people they meet in person, which leads to everyone lying even more, which makes it worse.
These sites aren’t geared towards finding mates for life, but for keeping people paying monthly subscriptions indefinitely.
Listen, friend, you’re sounding a bit unhinged in these comments. You’re going on about how all women want masculine men driving pickups and going on $1,000 dates and all… Just because you had a shitty ex a few years back doesn’t mean all women are like that.
None of the women in my life are like that. I’m betting you’re considerably younger than I am but none of the women I’ve ever chosen to surround myself with have ever been like that.
No, I’m reporting my experience of dating for 15 years. You can tell me I’m unhinged, but my experience 100% matches the articles. I’m in the trenches.
I’m not armchair dater who scoffs at the reality of the thing because they have no experienced it.
I’m glad you’ve had that choice. I’m not you. I know people who got married at 22/24, and people who had never had a boyfriend/girlfriend in their 50s. It’s almost liek the world is full of different people, with different experiences. And maybe you should listen instead of thinking your life is the only one that is true and everyone else is is doing it wrong if they aren’t you.
American society in general is stuck in the 50’s
yeah well, we were at the height of our economic power back then.
people seem to think if they just daydream hard enough they can magically have a 1950s life they see on TV.
And that any man who can’t provide a 1950s lifestyle is a failure of a human being. When in reality only about 2% of the single male population has the income/wealth to provide that lifestyle these days.
it was different in the 2000s, most of my friends/family coupled up and things were better and generally couples were economic partners. now things are economically bad and dating has regressed to 1950s expectations that men are the providers and women are the takers. when i meet new women and i suggest we are financial equals, they laugh in my face and tell me I’m a sexist asshole and how I owe them because of my male privileges… and how they have worked so much ‘harder’ than I have and they ‘deserve to be treated’. or they say they are should get ‘princess treatment’.
These are all highly-educated, liberal/left women working in a major city. Lawyers, doctors, other well-paid professionals. But they are all heavy social media users and if you go on social media and see women talking about dating… you see why they think this way.
people seem to think if they just daydream hard enough they can magically have a 1950s life they see on TV.
racial segregation and they ability to rape your wife and assault gay people with impunity ? mmmmm people daydream about that ?
yes, they do.
